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Showing posts from December, 2007

Happy New Year

As this year ends, I can't help but reflect on the ending of the previous few years.
2004
Today I had a holiday with my son for a whole day...it is an absolutely wonderful day.
2005
I feel better about wishing someone a happy tomorrow than I do a happy new year. Less pressure.
2006
As this year ends I don't know how to make resolutions. I resolve to put one foot in front of the other and do the best I can. That's all I've got left in me.

And now 2007 brings a sincere Happy New Year wish out of me. I am ready to face 2008 with optimism and enthusiasm.

It's true, I'm not the same completely happy and satisfied person I was in 2004...pregnant and unaware of what fate would bring. But I am also not the same sad and hopeless person I was in 2005 and 2006...mourning the loss of our babies and unable to feel any happiness for the future. I am a new person who feels ALL of those things in a more proportional manner. None of them eclipses the other in what I feel now.

2007 has …

Crafty resolutions

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When in doubt...blog about crafts...

My craft table has been sitting in the barn since my uncle delivered it almost a year ago. It's a heavy heavy piece and required two men to move it. So, on Christmas Day, I roped my brother (who complains that every time he visits I make him lift heavy things) into helping my husband bring it into my undecorated/unfurnished dining room. It needs painted a better color than its current colonial blue (which I forever banished from this house with the removal of "the big blue box" that enclosed our old wood-burning fireplace and blocked off our beautiful WIDE living room door opening (we're talking about hanging french doors...I'll keep you posted))...but it has this really neat slide out table that will be fabulous for cutting fabric! But I digress...the table is in the house and just waiting to be used for something crafty. Now I just need to reassemble my sewing machine (it had to be removed from its table/cupboard so that we c…

Christmas recap

So...Christmas is over and it's back to the daily grind.

one sec...screaming baby...

so as I was saying (forgive me if this is a bit disjointed...I'm still feeling a bit of a Christmas food hangover)...

The presents were unwrapped and there was only one, "I already have that," (which was totally and completely Steve's fault). The food was good and plentiful. The company got along and there were no harsh words or arguments.

And my dishes are all washed! It's a Christmas miracle!

Sam says his favorite part of Christmas was him and Daddy opening his present from Aunt Rebecca and Uncle Pete. I'm trying not to take it as a personal slight...I'm sure I was still Myles' favorite part of Christmas (or at least my boobs were).

So Christmas is over and we're back to the everyday business of living. Work beckons and I'm trying very hard to pretend I don't hear. But the bill collectors keep insisting that I earn them some money.

And so begins the proc…

No two are alike

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I was a Secret Pal "angel" for someone who did not receive their gift from their Secret Pal. I hope she likes it (though it appears it has not yet arrived). I doubt she'll scour the list of Secret Pals, so I feel free to share my handmade snowflakes with you all. I loved doing them...they're fast and easy and so so pretty.



My plan was to make one snowflake a week during the year so that I would have 52 to decorate our Christmas tree with this year. These four (and another half of one) are the only ones I managed...so they made a great gift (at least, I would have loved to receive them). Maybe I'll do better with the snowflake work in 2008. (Or maybe I should just buy them from Lillian Vernon.)

Merry Christmas

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Christmas Eve wish

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Something for my stocking

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I bought the silliest thing yesterday. I couldn't help myself. I figure I can count it as a stocking stuffer for myself this Christmas. And anyway, this is going to be my last chance to indulge in this stuff...so I feel completely justified (hehehe...I can talk myself into anything, can't I?)

It's called a pacifier pod (by JJ Cole) and it's a teeny tiny bag that you can attach to the handle of your diaper bag or whatever to carry your baby's pacifier in. No longer will I have to pick lint and hair off of Myles' pacifier when we're out and about! Yay! (And it's cute and stylish too!)

Happy Due Date, Baby Myles

We're so glad you're here.

We love you.

Welcome to the world Baby Mariam!

Congratulations to Lorem Ipsum...a blogger friend from way back (former blog author of Life is Sweet, Baby).

Baby Mariam arrived this morning (12/21) at 255 am. She weighed in at 7 lbs. 10 oz., measures 19.5" long, and looks like Daddy's clone except for a ton of dark brown hair and being female, of course. Mom and Dad are over the moon.

I'm so happy for you all!

Miscellaneous thoughts

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I was going to do all online ordering for Christmas. I didn't manage and am now empty-handed for a couple of people. ack!
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I am addicted to playing Scrabble on Facebook even though I'm not very good at it. Hey, you try figuring out a way to get a triple word score on two hours of sleep!
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I chuckled at this over at The Meming of Life.

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Thursday morning I changed the channel from President Bush to the Wiggles. I'm sure there's a joke in there somewhere...I'm just too tired and brain-fried to figure out what it is.
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I did NOT give the kindergarten teacher a lump of coal for Christmas. Sam used his crafting skills to make her a snowman and I used my baking skills to make her some oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. After our last minute basket assembly the night before the party, I forgot …

One month

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One month.

I cannot even process the fact that life was different just one month ago...

...so very different.

I see pictures of myself pregnant...pictures in the hospital as we waited for the operating room on that day...and it seems as if it happened to someone else. I KNOW it happened to me...to us. But there is something in me that has compartmentalized all of that somewhere where I just can't feel it.

It makes me a little sad to not be able to look back with fondness...to not be able to say I so loved that part of my life. But the fact is I didn't. I hated it. And I only did it so I could get here...to this part of my life that has been waiting for me for over two years.

Two years...

Yesterday afternoon I pulled my minivan through the drive-through at Hardees with two boys strapped into their respective carseats. This was the dream so long ago.

I remembered sitting in the car dealership with my pregnant belly protruding out from under my winter coat...trading in the little c…

Poor child

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Me: Your brother is a baby and he cries less than you do.

Sam: That's because when he cries, you feed him. When I cry, you tell me to stop crying.

OK...so you got me there...
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Sam: There's some horrible creature in the pantry closet.

Me: Like what, a mouse?

Sam: NO...Daddy says there is a horrible creature in there...not a mouse.

Horrible creature in the pantry closet=excellent place to hide Christmas presents (and years worth of therapy)
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R: Do you like school so far?

Sam: I HATE school!

R: What do you hate about it?

Sam: Homework!

Kindergarten homework...it only gets worse from here kid.
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Thank you!

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Thank you Stephanie. It is so cute that we have a rule it is never to be used.

Thank you Rosemary and family for the adorable outfits.

Thank you Judy and family for the lovely gifts (Sam was especially pleased...thank you for including him).

Thank you to the MOM Project for the ornament. It it like this one, but says, "Our precious angel, You will live in our hearts forever" (it's already on our tree). I love you ladies and I'll be getting busy on bracelets again here very soon...I promise. :o)


I know it seems like I do a lot of these thank you posts and I apologize for the boredom factor they must bring to this blog. But I want to thank everyone properly and I'm balancing the mom thing with some work hours here at home...or at least TRYING to balance the two. I promise something of more substance soon. Now I'm off to review the proposed zoning resolution for one of my clients. I'd rather be making Christmas cookies.

Miscellaneous thoughts

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Congratulations to Beruriah on the safe arrival of baby Samuel Nadav!
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What does it mean when my five-year-old son has functionality problems with his imaginary computer?
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If I have to watch "Merry Christmas Charlie Brown" one more time, I might just lose my mind. I think it might be time for the DVR to have a little accident.

"I don't know what happened, Sam, it must have been deleted by mistake."
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It is impossible for me to maintain any respect for someone who puts "Meet Joe Black" on their list of all-time favorite movies.
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Steve suggested I keep my maternity clothes until the spring...because "you never know."

So now I think about it. I think about how I would feel to try to have another baby. I think about how I would feel to NOT try to have another baby. I'm …
Best Meteor Shower of 2007 Peaks Dec. 13
Generally speaking, depending on your location, Gemini begins to come up above the east-northeast horizon right around the time evening twilight is coming to an end. So you might catch sight of a few early Geminids as soon as the sky gets dark....

The Geminids begin to appear noticeably more numerous in the hours after 10 p.m. local time, because the shower's radiant is already fairly high in the eastern sky by then. The best views, however, come around 2 a.m., when their radiant point will be passing very nearly overhead.

We're supposed to have crappy weather, so I'm guessing I won't get to see anything...darn it.

38w 4d

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Thank you!

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Thank you Marcia for sending this very cool shirt for Sam and matching onesie for Myles.


Thank you Denise. I love these booties so much! I can't wait to take Myles somewhere while he's wearing them.

Bouncing baby boy...and mommy too

So yesterday I decided to mix things up a little bit and do a triple-axle complete with ten-point landing on my ass. And I was carrying the baby in the infant carrier at the time. If I hadn't been so scared, I would have probably laughed at how comical I looked.

I just took one step out my kitchen door, hit some slimy green goo, and the next thing I know I was looking up at the treetops. I turned my head and literally retched when I saw the carrier laying on its side. But when I righted the seat and pulled back the blanket covering my sweet boy, he was still sitting there snoozing and sucking away on his binky (poor kid got REALLY mad when I did the mandatory freaked out mommy appendage check). Myles is fine. I, however, called Steve to come home early from work so I could take some Motrin, retreat to my bed, and have a good long cry.

The upside is that I can now personally attest to the crash test safety rating of the Graco Snugride infant carrier (with EPS foam). Strapped in like…

Email to make you chuckle

I hope my mom doesn't mind me sharing this...but it seriously had me laughing so hard I almost wet my pants.

I have packed away my Nativity Scene - and lost it. So somewhere in this house The Virgin Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus, three wise men, three camels, a cow, a shepherd, a mule, and some lambs are residing in safety and anonimity. Damn! Sigh. Life is hard when you change your patterns!!!

Well, gotta go look for the Holy Group.

Should I tell her to follow the Star of Bethlehem?

On the 10th day of Christmas

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I couldn't help myself. I have Christmas on the brain. Decorations and presents and food and my family. It's different this year. The psychologists call it integration...making peace with the way life is and creating rituals to incorporate the bad things in a positive way. Yeah. Whatever. If it means shopping, I'm there. So I dropped Sam off at school last Thursday morning and took a sleeping Myles to do some Christmas shopping. He slept and I spent way too much money. It was great!

I bought Sam a t-shirt that says, "My brother is the naughty one." I hope he likes it. (It's sure to make a better memory than the, "I'm gonna be a big brother" t-shirt of a couple years ago.)

I bought Myles a couple little rattles for his stocking (what do you think of those little slipper rattles? torture? or fun for baby?). I don't plan to wrap any gifts for him under the tree this year...unless I think of a good one (have I mentioned I love to shop?).

I bought a…

Last man standing or King of the hill?

A standoff of epic proportions is currently in progress at my house. Sam would rather do NOTHING than do his homework (due tomorrow). So there is no Playstation...no tv...no computer...no toys.

Yes, I'm trying to teach him a lesson about getting things done sooner and not waiting until the last minute. But maybe...just maybe...I've also found a sneaky way to get some peace for myself.

And he has NO IDEA.

It's days like this when I feel like I've got this mommy thing under control.

**update**
It took him until 3pm to concede defeat...and another hour to actually complete the homework. Now we're going to race Playstation Corvettes against one another. :o)

...that their light may always shine.

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Thank you!

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My Aunt Pat sent these lovely gifts.


The sleeper says, "Mommy and me." It made me cry.
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My "Aunt" Phyllis (my mom's cousin), sent Sam and Myles several books. It was funny, Sam said, "Oh...great...boring old books." And then he realized they were FUN books and he could read them to Myles. Of course, he says it would be MORE fun to read them to Myles if Myles "would just keep his eyes open for two seconds."

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And my dear friend, Jenne. I cannot thank her enough for her voice of reason and (in)sanity during the last few months. She told me all I had to do was, "just show up," this year...and look where I ended up. Thank you Jenne...for feeding my Gymboree addiction AND for being there when I needed a friend. Now...we MUST get together sometime in 2008. No excuses!

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Secret Pal 11

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Thank you so much to Julie for sending me an "emergency" secret pal gift since my secret pal went MIA (I haven't heard from her since October and the round ended on November 30th).

Considering I haven't blogged much about anything crafty for a while, she did amazingly well guessing my taste and sending what did, in fact, make me smile.

~Yummy, yummy yarns (cotton/silk, alpaca, and bamboo/wool/nylon)...and knitting patterns to go with! I only hope they're easy enough for this crochet junkie to make sense of.
~A GREAT penguin fleece hat that Samuel immediately claimed as his own.
~A sheep notepad, journal, address book, and notecards.
~Sheep bookplates (I'm thinking of using them on my Harry Potter collection).
~Two bars of homemade soap! Lemon and Ylang Ylang. They smell great. And I can't help but wonder if they were part of the minor eruption of November 19th? (the blogger friend grabbing the camera made me giggle...because that's what I would do). I als…

"Should I worry?"

Steve called me on Tuesday to see how the kindergarten run went with me sporting a c-section incision and carrying an infant carrier. I cheerfully told him I didn't split myself open and he didn't have to worry. He didn't appreciate the humor. I forget that he also lived through the year-long nightmare of the non-healing incision when I had Sam. I really need to work on being more sensitive with stuff like that.

So I'm going to blog something else for him (and my mother) to worry about. :o)

Do you know what I had to eat today (until Sam got home)? Two hashbrowns and two Little Debbie Nutty Bars. Yeah, I know. I really need to do better with the nutritional value in my diet...but nothing sounded good. I swear I've gone from eating everything I can get my hands on to eating...well...not much. It's really not helping my physical well-being...by 6pm I generally feel like I've been run over by a truck. Yesterday, a brief visit to WalMart brought evening leg cramp…

So this is what it feels like

As I'm sure you can guess, I've got issues with my body stemming from its past failures. It started with the gestational diabetes with Sam...kept up with my inability to exclusively breastfeed him...and has just been keeping me on my toes during the past two years with failure after failure. Yeah...I'm a mess.

When Myles was born, he spent two days in the NICU. He was initially admitted for breathing difficulties (he had a little transitional fluid in his lungs that resolved itself). Then he remained there for extreme weight loss. He was born at 7lbs 15ozs and left the NICU at 6lbs 12ozs (that's a loss of over 15%...or so the doctors and nurses kept telling me). Everyone was concerned and I was caught in what was clearly a battle between pro-breastfeeding personnel (lactation consultants) and pro-formula personnel (NICU nurses). The pressure was crazy and my own personal issues prevented me from exerting any clear maternal decision-making at the time.

So I nursed (and p…

Ideas please

I want to give my OB a gift to say thank you for everything he did to help bring Myles safely into this world...and for generally being a fabulous human being and going above and beyond the doctor call of duty to be so kind to us.

Suggestions?

Every Baby Has a Story

The March of Dimes is about ALL babies... those born healthy and those that need our help to survive.

This October the Story Bus hits the road - 16 cities in 4 weeks. Hop on the bus and videotape your story or add it from your own computer.

Don't just stand at the curb and wave. Be a part of this event! Because every baby has a story…

While there is no category for stillbirth, there is an "In Memory" section and I couldn't help but think of my friends, msfitzita, Darcie, Julian's Mom, Laura, Sherry, and Sarah.

Every baby has a story.

Thank you!

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Thank you Mary...the pears are nice...but the chocolates are LOVELY! :o)

Thank you Michelle! You totally made Sam's day by including something for him. And I have to say, Zingo IS a fun little game.











The ornaments are absolutely beautiful.


But the sock monkey quilt is, by far, my FAVORITE. I LOVE it!

Thank you Alysse! Anytime you want to post an update on you and munchkin, I would love to read it. (hint, hint)

And thank you Cynthia! Dinner was delicious!

First day alone with two kids

I did not clean or wash anything...including myself. I did not shower.

Sam played way too much Playstation.

I played far too much Playstation.

Myles spent some awake time in his bouncy chair watching us play Playstation.

I ate far too much chocolate.

I had to use a watch alarm to remind me to feed Myles.

I did about an hour worth of work and called it quits...to play Playstation.

Tomorrow is the first school run and I'm nervous. How silly is that?

But I am looking forward to getting the Playstation all to myself. :o)

The beautiful and the gruesome

We rock gently back and forth...wrapped in the softest of blankets...skin to skin...warmth on warmth. I feel his breath on my breast and watch his face for those big smiles that hold the secrets of peaceful sleep. I put my finger in the palm of his hand and he reflexively grabs hold. So tiny...yet so strong.

In the bed next to me, my little towhead boy rolls over in his sleep with a sigh, stretching out his arms and legs in his usual starfish pattern, some appendages protruding out from under the warmth of the covers. One leg lands somewhere in the middle of Steve's torso. I hear Steve mutter something in his sleep and gently push our sleeping boy back to his middle part of the bed. It makes me quietly giggle...this game of king of the bed...last one with an inch of bed space wins.

A bitter wind is literally howling outside our windows. I can see the outline of the big tree as it is battered back and forth, bending but not breaking. I can see the slightest snowfall in the glimmer of…