What a difference a year makes

Monday, November 09, 2009

Tonight was parent-teacher conferences and I am happy to say that there were NO surprises. We have been fully informed of Sam's progress every week and we already know what his strengths and weaknesses are. THIS is what it should be like.

I mentioned our concerns about the vast amount of work they are doing in class and the teacher agreed that "we have a lot of expectations of second graders these days"...and SHE'S not entirely sure they are all age-appropriate. She said there's nothing to worry about at this stage if Sam's not getting it all done every day. She said that she understands Sam has a desire to be the class clown that interferes with his ability to perform...and she's working on it with him.

We survived two years of really BAD teachers and have reached the promised land!

Yay!

This would be funny...if...

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

So a client (and friend) walks into my office this afternoon and hands me a sheet with the login information for his caringbridge site.

(This would be the place for the punchline if this were a joke.)

"I thought you knew."

I didn't.

I have seen cancer ravage the healthiest of individuals...people I love. Some are still living with cancer...but they are not the same as before. Some...well...I can't even say it. Not now. Not with the same breath as I speak Nathan's name.

I told him that some day it will be funny...

Remember the way you told me you had cancer? hahaha

Some day it WILL be funny.

Right?

Money Money Money

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

I forgot to pay a couple bills.
One company wanted to charge me $14.95 to pay a credit card bill over the phone.
One company (that happens to be a client...how's that for irony?) threatened to turn off our water.
One company threatened to turn us over to collections...for $40.
One company DID turn us over to collections...for $60 (electric company bill I refuse to pay).
The eye doctor wanted money for my new glasses.
The prescription insurance company wants their $20 for Sam's medication.
I just got notice that our insurance is going to cost more but provide less coverage.
The bank has raised our mortgage payment...twice...in the last six months.
We still owe the petsitter for a weekend job they did for us two months ago.
I owe my office manager $5 for the boss's day gift she got.
I owe the lady down the hall $2.

It's really all about money, isn't it?

Everyone I know is in this very large boat that feels like it could sink straight to the bottom at any moment. The cell phone contract would cost us $$$ to terminate. The TV contract would cost us $$$ to terminate. We can't stop paying for the water or the electric or the cars or the house. The government wants their money for the education they so-expensively provided me.

Underneath it all...I'm unhappy in my job. I don't dig ditches or anything that's really HARD work. I work my brain...sorting out legal squabbles...solving problems. I keep telling myself that the intangible benefits make it worth while. But then I pay bills and think how stupid I'm being. This just isn't what I want.

I could design crochet patterns. I could sew. I could do a zillion things in this world. My girlfriend is a photographer. I would LOVE to be a photographer. A wedding photographer, actually. I studied videography in college and, though it's not exactly the same, it provides a base of knowledge. And now that I know how my fancy camera works, I could really do it.

But...then there's the money...

Where do you find inspiration when you're getting older and you have responsibilities? Where do you find the courage to just go for it? How do you chuck self-doubt and try to make your dreams a reality? Or is there a point in life when it's just too late to even try? Is there an age when you just have to settle for what you've got?

65 pages

Monday, October 26, 2009

My son brought home his schoolwork from last week.

All 65 pages of it.

Is this second grade or college?!?!

Sentimentality run amok

Friday, October 23, 2009

I can honestly see how sentimentality can lead to hoarding. In fact, I think I may have some weird "lite" version of this problem (which probably explains all the clutter in my house). Today I went to the local jeweler to trade-in some gold jewelry that I don't wear.

A herringbone chain that pulls the hairs on the back of my neck. A pair of gold hoops that were bent out of shape. A claddagh ring that has cut my finger with its sharp little crown on more than one occasion.

Despite the fact that I haven't worn any of it for all these reasons, there is a part of me that found it so difficult to walk out the door. The chain was a gift from my then-boyfriend-now-husband. The hoops were a Christmas gift from my sister that I wore all the time until they were damaged. The claddagh ring was a gift from my mom.

I KNOW the memories don't disappear with the sale of these pieces. I KNOW these people won't be insulted if I sell these pieces. I KNOW all this. But still I feel guilty and a little sad.

I think I can take consolation in the repairs I'm having done to OTHER jewelry...the pearl ring I bought with my first "real" paycheck...the black hills gold heart ring that was the first piece of jewelry Steve ever bought me...the gold chain Steve got me (last Christmas) for my boys' birthstone charms. But then I wonder about the irrationality of attaching the memories to those things too.

Sometimes I wish I could turn my brain off.

Dogs on Thursday

Thursday, October 22, 2009

After being thoroughly embarassed when friends and family noticed dog-hair tumbleweeds in my house, I decided it was time to do some grooming. This is just from ONE dog...and we have eight. Your imagination can do the rest...

Whiskers on Wednesday

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Creativity

My husband said something really irritating the other day.

He said, "You're at your happiest when you are being creative."

And now I can't stop thinking about it because he's right and I, (a) hate it when he's right; and (b) wonder what happened to me that he has to point it out for me to see it.

The blogs I read...all creative. Sewing...cooking...scrapbooking...photography. ONE lawyer blog in my entire blogroll of 262 blogs (and I only read that one because she rarely talks law, is an awesome mom, and she tells the best kid stories).

I've been unhappy in my chosen career for a while now. I thought I'd get over it. I kept telling myself that the intangible benefits were worth it. Now, because of my irritating husband, I'm not so sure.

So now what? Is it too early for a midlife crisis at 37?