Showing posts from December, 2008

Let's hear it for a new year

The littlest cat is in a crate as punishment for a non-provoked attack on the oldest dog.

The six year old boy is taking a nap as punishment for lying to me about jumping on the couch (yes, I SAW you in the reflection of the computer monitor).

The one year old boy is taking a nap because I can't stand his screaming anymore.

I wonder how many times a day I say "no."

I'm kind of disappointed about the nap for lying because I was hoping Sam and I could finally decorate our gingerbread house (and yeah...the lying part sucks too).

I'm out of coffee creamer and have zero interesting prospects for lunch.

It's 1pm, I have cramps, and I am still in need of a shower.

How's this for poetic justice? The one year old screamed at the six year old until they both fell asleep. ha!

The husband's car cost us "about $900" to replace the clutch (on the plus side, there is very little on that car that has not now been replaced).

Last night, the husband said to me, "…

2008 Blog review

The first line from the first post of each month this year...

January : (Started with this meme, so I'm going with the first real post.)
Awake and wishing I were sleeping from 1:30 to 4am.

February : Apparently I'm still a beginner at this stuff.

March : I was reading over at sweet|salty and love this comment..."What does it matter, this grand scheme of things?"

April : Sam: Mommy, is today April first?

May : I'm tired.

June : (Started with Secret Pal questionaires, so I'm going with the first real post)
The lawnmower is broken and the lawn is a veritable jungle complete with its own wildlife population.

July : Congratulations to Brenda and Scott!!!

August : The infant carrier was replaced today by a convertible carseat.

September : Let's get something straight.

October : Today's mail has buoyed my spirits regarding our house/landfill situation.

November : Dropped the phone in the toilet...the baby's phone.

December : I just got "that" look from Myl…

The longest night

So our shameful little secret is that until two nights ago, Sam still slept in our bed. We tried so hard to transition him before and just didn't have the energy or the inclination. To be honest, each of the two times I returned home from the hospital with empty arms, I needed to have his snuggly warmth up against remind me...of everything... And really, he needed us to reassure him that we weren't going anywhere...that life wasn't all scary and unpredictable...and at the end of every day there would be his mommy and daddy to snuggle up and fall asleep with.

Every night at 9pm we would have our "snuggle time" during which we would watch one half hour cartoon and just relax together. But now time has moved us all forward and the boy's cute little starfish sleeping position now comes with sharp elbows and lightning fast movement that no longer make the family bed comfortable for any of us. His interest in watching an innocent half hour cartoon is prett…

Shop local

Did you know that you can shop local on

Menu for Hope V deadline extended

You now have until December 31st to get your raffle tickets for Menu for Hope.

There is some great stuff there! I'm listing a few of my favorites available here (United States)...but you should go check out the complete list for all sorts of exquisite prizes from all over the world. You will want at least one ticket, I promise you.

UW05: Cuisinart ICE-50 Ice Cream Maker
UW09:Blogher '09 conference pass
UW10: Set of Lowel EGO Photo Lights
UW24: Scharffen Berger Chocolate Gift Package
UE01: New West Knifeworks Knife of Your Choice
UE04: 2 boxes of Parisan style macarons from Petites Bouches
UE05 Small Box of LA Burdick Chocolate Mice
UE14: Two tickets to the largest food & wine pairing in Rhode Island – Food For Thought on The Coastal Wine Trail
UE15: Bo Ssam dinner package for 8 at Momofuku Ssäm Bar
UE21: Le Creuset 5 1/2-quart Dutch Oven
UE28: Eight Gourmet Family Dinners
UE29: Paella Kit
UE30: Two bottles of Pineau des Charentes
WB01: A Wine Vacation at Meadowood Resort in the Napa V…

Christmas miscellaneous thoughts

Still waiting for part of my Christmas gift to my downstream secret pal to arrive. I blew it. I hope she understands.
Christmas socks.
Wood stairs.
Moving too fast.
Fall down stairs.
Go boom.
GIANT bruise on my rear (and oddly numb spot...which worries me).
Thanking lucky stars I wasn't carrying the baby.
See...I CAN look at the bright side even if I look ridiculous "sitting crooked" (as Sam has deemed the one-cheek sitting pose).
Sam was completely and totally spoiled. And Myles...I was certain we already had all the baby toys there were to have (from spoiling Sam)...But it seems there are still more out there.
I really enjoyed the giving of gifts this year. I gave Steve and Sam a "six pack" of Indians tickets. And the many much fun.
Facebook Yoville to PC Si…

Happy Holidays!


Thank you Secret Pal!

A fabulous arrival on my doorstep today! Two GORGEOUS Rosewood crochet hooks, the latest issue of Interweave Crochet, a snowman mug with hot cocoa and candy canes, and a snowman tin filled with the YUMMIEST cookies (already three fewer)!Thank you so much! And Happy Holidays to you!

Menu for Hope V

Somehow I missed this...but you still have today to buy a ticket or two.

They're at $20,000 as of yesterday (raised about $90,000 last year).

Here is the master list of prizes. There's a BlogHer pass up for grabs as well as some amazing foodie prizes!

It's an office job

Is the office important to you? How important?

My job is a job. I like it well enough, but my identity is not as defined by my work as my husband's is. It's an odd sort of situation to be in, trying to understand his desire to drive an hour in low-visibility snow and 21 degree winds to an office (when, as I understand it, the majority of his work can be done via computer from home).

Truth be told, I don't understand it. It makes me quite cranky, in fact. I am incredibly thankful to have a vacation day today whereas he does not seem at all deterred by roads that are described on the news broadcasts as "treacherous." AND he seems to think it humorous that I worry about his safety. It perplexes me. (Of course, he is equally perplexed by my temper tantrums over the lack of help with household chores...or the lack of "thank you" in this house.)

I guess it's ARE from Mars...where it is snowy and cold and they are crazy stubborn.


Cocoa made in the USA. Marshmallows made in China.

My grief resume

Sometimes I read the blogs of new deadbabymama's and there is so much I want to say. Reassurances and cautions...hopes and warnings.

I've been where you are. I have navigated the path. And even if my choices are not your choices and you must blaze your own trail, there are things that are common...even for individual grief.

But I don't.

Instead, I offer, "I hope you find what you're looking for," or, "Be kind to yourself."

Because it isn't my place. I'm not qualified to offer anything.

I still cry. Not every day. But more often than before.

Before. I hate that word.

I AM happy. I have a LOT of happiness in my life. Maybe if I keep telling myself that, I won't feel the emptiness quite so deeply in those two spaces in my heart that happiness does not touch.

And then maybe I'll be qualified to say something.

SP Question #2

Part A: Are you doing any holiday knitting?

Nope. Doing SOME crocheting, but only snowflakes. I don't do well with pressure and so I have decided to let myself off the hook for the holidays.

Part B: Have you finished?

Finished the snowflakes...yes.


Alive - Dead

I am SO going to get a call from the teacher.

Of interest

A Literary Magazine for Intelligent People Who Have Lost a Baby, Or Have Trouble Making Babies in the First Place.

Exhale is a unique new literary magazine written for & by ordinary people who have faced extraordinary obstacles to getting/staying knocked up, or who have experienced miscarriage and/or stillbirth. Exhale is published solely online.

Exhale is a space for creative expression. We seek out the gritty humor and
complexities of discovering that producing a child isn't as easy as your mother told you. Without succumbing to the belief that a person's self-worth and happiness are defined reproductive achievement, we recognize and validate the vast array of perspectives and emotions associated with pregnancy/infant loss and infertility issues.

Brain overload

It took me three tries to get everything packaged into the holiday package for my Secret Santa.

I've been to the store several times and always drive up the driveway when I get home and say, "Poor Santa, I forgot to buy a lightbulb for him again." (the giant plastic Santa on our front porch was knocked over during a wind storm and his light bulb stopped working)

It took me two hours to write the statement of the case in the appellate brief I'm working on today (never mind the seemingly endless misspellings and grammatical errors contained therein).

I forgot to eat my yogurt for breakfast and my apple with my lunch.

I had Steve mail Christmas cards...except he couldn't mail ONE because it didn't have any postage on idea why. (Sorry will get there eventually, I promise.)

I only have a bit more "Christmas stuff" to accomplish before the actual day...but I have two hearings and the aforementioned appellate brief due as well.

I'm afr…

What is wrong with us?

Steve: Yeah, they should make holiday cards that say, "While I neither confirm nor deny the existence of a supreme deity, if one does it exist, I hope it blesses your holiday celebrations."

Me: A bit wordy, but I love it.

Steve: You are so going to blog this aren't you?

Thank you Carly

My heartfelt thanks to Carly at To Write Their Names in the Sand for the beautiful images she makes available (see my sidebar).

Remembering Hannah

Please take a moment and go visit CLC as she remembers her daughter today on her first birthday.

Holiday meme

1. What time do you get up on x-mas morning? Not really early. Probably about 8am.

2. What do you want for Christmas? Camera accessories

3. What was the last film you saw at the movies? Just saw Bolt today! Loved it!

4. Will you watch the Lions on Thanksgiving? Nope

5. What do you usually have for x-mas breakfast? I usually make eggs and bacon.

6. Where will you be on Thanksgiving? We had Thanksgiving here at our house at our big dining room table. It was great!

7. What food do you dislike on the Holidays? Dislike? food?

8. Is all of you x-mas shopping done yet? more.

9. Real or fake x-mas tree? fake...don't want the cat issues that come with real ones.

10. Gift or Gift card? gifts...if you're going to give a gift card you might as well just give cash.

11. Favorite x-mas song? I have two...The Christmas Guest performed by Reba McEntire or Mary Did You Know? performed by Kathy Mattea

12. Favorite x-mas gift of all time? I honestly have NO idea

13. Would you ever Re…

Merry Agnostic Christmas ( a small rant)

I am a bit tired of the guilt trips that seem to accompany the holiday season these days.

spend less on Christmas gifts...
spend more time with your children...
go to church...
bake cookies...

Bah humbug!

I don't question or comment on anyone's decisions how to celebrate their I really wish they wouldn't look down their nose and question mine. Everyone has their own traditions...some I think are beautiful, some I think are silly, and some I think are downright ugly and awful. But my opinions stay my opinions. I have no need to give someone even a passing thought/worry that I might dis/approve.

I will celebrate this holiday the way I see fit for myself and my family. I will say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" if I want to. I will acknowledge the beliefs of my Jewish friends if I want to. I will acknowledge the beliefs of my pagan friends if I want to. And I'll spend however much I want on presents and food and decorations (I wor…

Frugal Friday

9 bags Hershey's
1 bag GummiSavers
1 Theraflu warming
2 Maybelline lipgloss
1 xmas generic post-its
1 candy can ink pen
1 bag gummy worms
1 photo travel mug
$20.79 spent
$38.09 saved in coupons
$3.99 Theraflu rebate pending

1 impulse buy small gift for friend
1 crock candle
6 rolls Scotch gift wrap tape
2 Jane blushes
$10.86 spent
$10.77 saved
$2 Scotch tape rebate pending

Tip for this week - Instead of allowing Sam to buy worthless junk at the school's Santa shop, I took him to the Dollar Store and he found decent gifts for everyone in the family without breaking the bank. AND he found gifts for his school Christmas party gift exchange. AND I found perfect gifts for my secret santa exchange at work. AND we bought Christmas wrapping paper and bows for all our Christmas packages. This really stretched our budget much farther than I thought possible. And we discovered that our store even has a frozen food section...if you need to stretch your…

homework lessons

Me: Do you have your folder?
Sam: Yeah.
Me: Did you turn in all that homework you needed to turn in from when you were sick last week?
Sam: Yeah.

Imagine my surprise when I get home and see (strewn all across the dining room table) said homework. I mean, it wasn't even hidden where you could miss it!

I call Steve...

Steve: Hi!
Me: Explain to me how you two walked past all this homework all over the dining room table in order to get out of the house and still it didn't manage to get INTO the bookbag and turned in at school.
Steve: Wait a minute...When we were leaving the house this morning, I asked Sam if he had his folder and he said yes. I specifically asked him if he had all the homework he needed to turn in and he said yeah.
Me: So he lied to you?
Steve: Seems that way.
Me: He lied to me too. When I picked him up from school I asked him if he had turned in all that homework and he said yes.
Steve: I just don't know what to say.

Me: Why did you lie to your father and me about the hom…

Busy busy busy

The past few days have been crazy busy at work, and it doesn't look like it's going to let up anytime soon. I generally do not have so many court appearances scheduled so close together, so it's been an interesting time trying to juggle my cases, prepare for Christmas, and manage all the illnesses that keep visiting our house. I have found that I can survive quite well on five hours of sleep a night...and lots of coffee (Hershey mint truffle kisses also help quite a bit).

Laughter is the best medicine

I was going to blog about being sick again (third time since Halloween), but found this gem and thought it a good bit more interesting than my whining. I just don't even know what to say...I'm laughing too much.

Miscellaneous thoughts

The screen dares me to write something...anything...but the words don't come. I can only find these little bits and pieces to share. I'm not sure what the problem is...but I'm hoping a trip to BlogHer in July will shake things loose again. Until then, you'll have to live with the bits and pieces.
Sam has taken to saying, "Oh shit," when things don't go his way. Damn it all to hell.
I'm wearing lipstick! It's taken more than two years, but I'm finding some fun in makeup and jewelry and pretty clothes again. It's weird.
There is this whole "new" group of deadbabymamas in the blogosphere. It disturbs me.
I got a new cell phone for (early) Christmas. Now I just have to figure out how to work it.

Going to be one of those days

Locked me keys in the car this morning while at the vet's office dropping off the "foster dog" for oral surgery. At least I didn't lock HER in too, right?

Keep your fingers crossed that the surgery goes well for her and rest of the day goes more smoothly for me. Thanks.

Dog rescue transport?

Dear internets...

Do you know anybody along this route who might give up an hour or two on Saturday afternoon to help transport a mama lab and her little puppies to rescue?

Youngstown, OH
Pittsburgh, PA
Somerset, PA
Breezewood, PA
Hagerstown, MD


THE look

I just got "that" look from Myles...the one I've seen a million times on Sam's face...the one that says, "Who me?!?! I'm not doing anything bad...I promise."

I suspect he was teasing the cats.

And now I'm pretty sure I'm in for a boatload of trouble with this one.