Showing posts from May, 2008

Welcome to the world baby Megan!!!

Sherry's baby girl, Megan Elizabeth, arrived safe and sound this morning!

Congratulations to the whole family!

And thanks to Jennifer for sharing the good news!

Happy 6th Birthday Samuel

My sweet sweet baby Sam.
Not a baby any more.
A self-proclaimed "big kid."

Measured on the back of mama's closet door.
Grown so much in six short years.
and smarter
and funnier
and wiser
and more handsome.

Six years ago I held you for the first time.
This morning I hugged you again and wished you a happy birthday.
You smiled and said, "Thanks mommy, I love you"
and you went off to school for the day with my heart.

Cake and presents and parties...
to mark this special place in time...
to remember the best parts of the last six years...
to celebrate the unique being you are...
and the unique being you are becoming.

We love you.
Happy Birthday Sam-a-lama!

Snakes in a house

This Memorial Day has been interesting...

The cat disappeared again and hasn't been seen or heard from for three days, despite the neighbor's garage being wide open.

Saturday evening Steve and I went out on a date...dinner and a bookstore. It was weird being alone together for the first time in more than six months. We worried about the boys killing my parents and locking their bodies in a closet, but I think we had fun...and my parents survived relatively unscathed.

Then I started feeling sick yesterday morning and by evening there was so much snot I wondered if it might drown me in my sleep. And no, there was no decongestant in the medicine cabinet and only toilet paper to wipe my nose with.

Despite feeling sick we took advantage of our birthday specials...a trip to Toys R Us, to spend three birthday bucks from Geoffrey the Giraffe, and free Coldstone Creamery ice cream.

Today, while playing MLB on the PS2, Sam announced, "Daddy, you're wasting your balls!"

Steve h…

Welcome to the world Dinkypie!

Congratulations to Aurelia on the arrival of her little boy!

Fortunate timing and a little bit of luck, for sure. (Breathing a sigh of relief for you all, my friend.)

Use by May 1, 2008

Back in early December when we bought the formula, it seemed like May 1st was such a long way off. Given my previous experience with breastfeeding, I doubted I would be able to sufficiently nourish Myles and, with my self-doubt, convinced Steve to buy two packages of the little glass nursette bottles of ready-to-feed...just in case.

Today is May 24th. Four days ago Myles celebrated six months with us by staying home from work with me for the day. Six months old! It goes by so so so fast.

And today I stood at the sink and dumped the now-expired formula. It was a surreal experience standing at the sink with the memories of six months of moments swirling around and around like the liquid circling the drain.

They say you forget.

And I guess that was true once.

But the fear and desperation and joy are still palpable when I reflect on the past three years with any real focus.

That's why when I do look back, I do so with restraint. I limit my reflection to short moments that allow me to p…

Take a left at the Hello Kitty display

He calls me from Party City...where I have sent him to buy a package of Star Wars birthday party invitations.

"Where did you find the invitations?"

"In the Star Wars section."

"Which is where?"


Apparently I am supposed to play air flight controller and talk him in for a landing in the appropriate aisle of the store I have been to exactly four times IN.MY.LIFE.

I know I'm tired. Myles' snotty nose disturbed his sleep breathing and woke us both up twice during the night last night while Steve snored away (and today hasn't been much better with sporadic and fitful naps). And I know I'm irritable. Sam has decided to be my shadow today for some very whiney shadow.

I don't think my husband realizes how dangerous it is to ask me where to go right now. Poor foolish man.

Write your congressmen

Dear Friends,

We have exciting news!

Representative Peter King from New York has introduced a bill to raise awareness about stillbirth that seeks to standardize the definition of stillbirth, and the method in which stillbirth data is collected, so there can be a national repository for stillbirth data with which to conduct comprehensive research efforts. The bill also authorizes a campaign to increase public awareness of good prenatal care practices that may decrease the risk of stillbirth, including monitoring movements during the last trimester. To view the actual bill and supporting documents, please visit the First Candle website.

Now we need your help! We are asking that you write a letter to your Representative asking them to co-sponsor this bill. The more co-sponsors the bill has, the more likely it is to pass. Please note, this is for the House of Representatives only. Do not contact your Senators at this time.

If you could do this within the next couple days to one week, we wi…

Oh snaps!

The thing about looking at a picture or watching a movie or reading a book (or a blog) is that it forces you to live in the moment. There is no distraction. Your mind does not wander to the fifty other things you should/could be doing. You are exactly where you are...attentive...focused.

My clothes dryer has decided to be less than snap-friendly and I now have to snap all 374 snaps on the baby's clothing before drying them or they get caught in the drum and come out with scorch marks. Standing there snapping all those snaps, I started to feel impatient. So much time snapping little snaps. I could be doing something productive (like blogging, perhaps). For some reason, though, with each snap I started to feel lighter. I can't adequately describe the feeling. As I snapped, I thought of snuggles and giggles and that look of wonder Myles gets in his eyes when he discovers a new thing (like the cat...LOVES the cat). Images of moments flashed in my memory as I kept snapping...onesie…

Attention quilters!

It's time to join the 2008 St. Jude Quilt of Dreams contest!

For Steve

For when the words are too small...even on your huge TV.
Click here.

Not bitter...who me?

There was a going-away party for a co-worker who has resigned her position here to go work for a neighboring county's prosecutor's office and earn the paycheck she deserves (that our county can not afford to pay). She gave a speech reminiscient of an awards show speech, thanking everyone individually for whatever nice traits she noticed. I was first on the list...

I am apparently "very lovely...such a joy."

And "with everything that has gone on" in my personal life, I could be very bitter...but I'm not.

SEE?!?! I TOLD YOU SO!!! :o)

Dropped the ball




"Mommy, where were you? We had our movie today and you were supposed to be here."

Damn it.

3 Years

Alex Gerard

Happy Mother's Day

I just realized that someone stole the pinwheels Sam and I left for the boys at the cemetery.

I'm not sure which is more upsetting...that they were stolen or that it took me DAYS to realize it.

Happy Mother's Day

Donate Diapers for Twice the Good — Through Pampers Gift Certificates

Diapers for a needy family in America + One life saving vaccine to UNICEF

You will be making your diaper donation by purchasing a Pampers gift certificate. Please go through the required steps to order a gift certificate. That certificate will be delivered to the charity you select. You will have the option to choose a one week supply (one pack), one month supply (four packs), or more. The gift certificate process is an easy and efficient way to get diapers to families in need in America. That same diaper purchase will provide a vaccine through UNICEF to a pregnant woman and baby. One purchase = two donations.

Miscellaneous thoughts

Note to self:
When your five-year-old son tells you he planted his ball in the front yard so he can grow a ball tree...he's not kidding. Make sure to mark the spot for future excavation...or the ball may be lost forever.
This explains the maddeningly simple handouts the pediatrician kept giving us...the first time around. But for the second trip? Do they think we just didn't pay attention the first time?
My neck is killing me. I think it's stress. Nothing to be stressful about here. Except possibly the thought of how I'm supposed to get through Mother's Day brunch without a complete and utter meltdown.

I hereby declare that Mother's Day shall never again be allowed to be on the 11th of May. Do you hear me? I declare it!
Yesterday was the first time in more than a month that I've written Travis' name here on this blog. M…

2 Years

Travis Leo

Light a candle in remembrance

Remembering Our Angels is a page dedicated the the special bond between mother and child that survives even death. Celebrate your children with us throughout this Mother's Day Month of Remembrance by coming back to this page and lighting candles, writing condolences, and uploading pictures.

Our children inspire us in a very unique and powerful way, but we can find strength in our community too, so reach out to people and let them know about this Remembering Our Angels page, because every time someone new visits it, will donate $1 to First Candle.

First Candle has been recognized as one of the top fifteen children's charities in America. They are working to increase public participation and support in the fight against infant mortality, including SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) and other areas, including stillbirth and miscarriage.

Together we can continue to find our strength in each other, and make a difference.

(Thank you for forwarding this to me Julie.)

May flowers

There is no stopping the coming of the days. The beginning of May. This day...this week...there is no stopping them. And as they approach I walk toward the well and peer down. But I'm afraid to climb in. I'm afraid I'll fall to the bottom.

The familiar dance of pain and grief is here during the beginning of May. But this time I dance with a beautiful baby boy in my arms. The familiar dance is somehow unfamiliar...with awkward steps like that autumn dance so many years ago. All elbows and knees and toes in the wrong places...moving unpredictably out of rhythm with a white carnation on my wrist.
Keep screaming Myles. Fill up this space where I used to sit and sob...where I used to scream into the silence for my sweet little babies...your big brothers. Make as much noise as is possible for a little human there will be no mistaking that you are here and healthy and life goes on. Keep reminding me.

With Sam helping me dig (and saving as many earthworms as he could)...

With Myles screaming at the top of his lungs until he fell fast asleep in the stroller next to us...

I planted white petunias again...

Thank you!

Thank you Michelle, for your donation to the MOM Project bracelet program! I love you!

Happy 65th Birthday Dad!

We hope you enjoyed your birthday...we had a great time.

(pictures will follow sometime tomorrow...I'm tired right now)

Steve's fifteen minutes of fame

Resident Stephen .... said the value of his property will plummet if the rezoning and expansion take place, a loss that will devastate his young family.

“I am stuck. I will lose everything (if) I have with a landfill right in my backyard. We invested in our house, and we renovated to the tune of $70,000. All that is gone if this passes,” he said.

Looking for a new back yard

I'm tired.

I'm tired of everything being a struggle.

I'm tired of having to beat the odds.

I'm tired of fighting for the smallest bits of happiness.

I'm tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I would like for just be easy for a while.

It seems that our township plans to rezone the 230 acres behind ours to accomodate a 75-year expansion of a landfill that is currently almost a mile away. This expansion will bring the landfill close. Too close.

Our township officials' response? If we don't like it, we should move.

Given the state of our exhaustion, we think we're going to do just that (and give a big old F*** YOU to this place that is literally turning into a dump). If this had happened a few short years ago, we would have fought...hard. Now, it just makes us immeasurably sad to see our dreams so easily devalued.

I can tell you why there is an inherent distrust of the government...even local government. Because they'd sell …