Showing posts from April, 2008
My tulips are for crap this spring. But there is this one that is so beautiful...

Don't be so sure...

...there is kindness and empathy in those around you.
...people won't talk behind your back.
...anything good will come out of it. know who your friends are. have nothing to prove.
...your anger is resolved.'s going to hurt less.
...there is a God.

There is no such thing as a sure thing.

Lipton White Tea

How much do you LOVE this campaign? (make sure you click on the Free Your Y Contest...too fun!)

Myles looks like...


Sam looks like...


Miscellaneous thoughts

I haven't got much to talk about these days. Happily, life has settled into a bit of a routine. I'm reading for pleasure again. I'm crocheting. I'm working on bracelets. I'm hoping to get outside to get some gardening done very soon. I'm taking pictures of my boys. And I've even started scrapbooking again, albeit very slowly. Please excuse the hum-drum-ness of this blog. For those who come by for their daily gawk at the train-wreck that is my emotional state...we'll be back in full swing very soon I'm sure. It's that time of year again. But I, for one, am enjoying hum-drum while I can. :o)
Sam's Go Diego Go walkie talkies pick up one side of the conversation from someone's two-way radio.
A little girl got beaned at tball practice and my kind and loving son said, "See, that's why you should be wearing a helmet."
A client called…


It seems as though the big companies are doing more than ok on our $3.59 a gallon.

Who said war isn't good for business?

Wonder if they'd let me park one of these at the courthouse...

Happy Earth Day!


Another day closer

I can feel it coming.
Every single day toward...what?
I'm not sure how to say it.
Certainly not a celebration.
Not a lot of things.
But something...worth the pain remembering brings.
Blue skies and yellow daffodils.
I can't wear brown pants because they remind me.
How do I plan for it?
The moving-on has happened all around me.
I pulled the wreath from the earth...drawing the stand legs out of the mud with a silent wish.
But there was only the same silence as from the beginning.
In my head I rearrange my house and realize my bed stands where the crib was supposed to be with a baby boy who never came home.
Today we set up the new room for the baby boy who did come home.
He sleeps in the same crib in a different spot.
And I weep.

Miscellaneous thoughts

(written over the course of a few days)
My aunt is in the hospital with unexplained "lesions" on her brain, behind her lung, and on her spleen. At first they thought she had a stroke...but the MRI turned out normal. They apparently keep asking if she's been to the southwest or Mexico recently. We're not close, but I can't help but worry about her. Weird infections seem to enjoy having their way with our family.
For so long, my office was filled with the muffled sounds of my own crying. These days I can't help but smile because my office is filled with the scream-to-the-rooftops sound of my son's voice. Sure, there are days when I wish he would nap so I could get work done. But I will never never wish the sound away. I've been there...and this is much better.
There is little in my job responsibilities that I care about as much as the wor…

A game of chicken for lawyers

No trial.

Case voluntarily dismissed by the Plaintiff.

He blinked first, which is good.

But now I have to stay home to do work that's been piling up while I prepared for the trial that he had no intention of going forward with.

God, I hate lawyers.

But at least I got out of jury duty.

Why I shouldn't watch TV

We watched the last of our DVRd episodes of Las Vegas (NBC) last night. We had heard the show was canceled without a real conclusion/wrap-up/finale, so we were intrigued to see "the end."

Now I am...I don't know...disturbed.

Seven months pregnant, Delinda doubles over in pain, says the ever-popular-made-for-tv-line, "Something's wrong...the baby...", sees blood, looks up to see a blurry vision of her fiance, calls his name, and...


to be continued

And that's it. That's where they're going to leave it. Forever.

I had nightmares last night. (sigh)

Miscellaneous thoughts

I deleted The Shape of a Mother from my blogroll after reading this entry. I hate how it makes me feel. I hate that I can't feel like a superhero. I hate that I'm afraid I'll never again feel comfortable in my own skin.
The spring brings with it my own special torture. As the sunshine warms and the skies clear, I am reminded of those hopeful days three years ago. There are moments that I cannot let go of...sensations so clear that I feel like I can reach out and experience them again. Sensory memory. It can bring me to tears and ruin a perfectly beautiful spring day.
Did you see the story of how the International Breast Milk Project saved the life of a preemie baby in Pittsburgh after her mother passed away? ('ll need Kleenex.)

The Madison Cassady Program is especially interesting to me. I wish I had known about it three years ago when I lost Alex.

Audrey Caroline

I have my own issues.
But I know something about the pain.
If you are so inclined, please send the Smith family a note.
Surround them with love and, if you are the praying kind, prayers.

Angie and Todd Smith (and Ellie, Abby & Kate)
PMB 210
8161 Hwy 100
Nashville, TN 37221

Two men and a baby

Today, I took a giant step for working mothers everywhere. it wasn't as dramatic as all that...but it was something for someone like me who always follows all "the rules."

As I sat in the conference room and listened to Myles scream inconsolably upstairs in the office area, I thought to myself, "What the hell am I doing?" I excused myself, went upstairs, changed a dirty diaper, and brought my little munchkin with me to my meeting with opposing counsel...and my boss.

Things have been said during the course of the past four months. Like, "If he's quiet, you could probably bring him until he's two years old and the boss won't notice or care." Like, "I'm so're like superwoman." Like, "I don't know how you do it." Blah. Blah. Blah. Today they got a lesson in my reality.

Screaming baby slung over my shoulder, I marched down to the conference room and continued my business as though nothing wa…

Love my camera

Look at what I captured today...

Do you see the little dog in the background licking her chops? LOL!

I call this one, "Boys will be boys." What's he doing, you ask? Digging a hole for no other reason than the pure pleasure of digging a hole. And yes, he's wearing a pullover sweater and shorts. He dressed himself. I give him full credit for that fashion statement.

Of course there has to be a Myles pic. He was not so sure about the big ball of brightness in the sky. A northeast Ohio winter baby has to be reassured that the sunshine is a good's so rare to see it before May around here, it can be frightening.

And look what popped up practically overnight! I so badly wanted to get out and do some gardening. Sadly, I had too much laundry to do to get out and dig around. But I will...SOON. It's supposed to be in the 60s all week!

Township for


This expansion will land a giant pile of trash in my back yard...literally.

Though I never imagined I'd be doing pro bono work for myself, I am now incredibly thankful to have spent the last five years learning zoning law.

Welcome to the world Baby Beanie!!!

I've just heard the news. Many congratulations to Rosepetal!!!

Listen to the kid

Back in August we got a school district calendar that specifically designated which kindergarten class is in session each and every Friday for the entire school year (M/W and every other Friday or T/R and every other Friday).

Late last night, Sam tells me that his teacher told the class that the calendar was "wrong, wrong, wrong" and that he had school on Friday despite the M/W designation on today's calendar block.

He's told me he was sure he had school before and he's been wrong, so I assumed that was the case here. So I didn't listen to him and we had a glorious sleep-in this morning (even Myles slept).

Guess who called while we were sleeping? Guess what the message said? Guess who had a misprint in their calendar? Guess who had a giant clusterf*ck this morning at school with kids showing up who had the day off and kids not showing up who were supposed to be there? Guess who had school today?

And the secretary I finally spoke to on the telephone? She tells …

I need a keeper

The other day, I bought some new underwear for that in-between stage my body is in now. I wore one of those new pair yesterday.

I went to Cleveland for a professional seminar...
went out to lunch with colleagues...
went home...
took Myles to the pediatrician for his checkup...
(15lbs 14ozs and already pushing feeding solids...but we'll talk about that later)...
went to Walgreen's...
...and took the family to my parents' house for my mom's Partylite party.

At the end of the party, I excused myself to go to the bathroom only to discover I had been wearing the "Our most comfortable waistband ever" sticker all day on my unmentionables.

Other stillbirth news

TV warning (UK)

If you are in the UK, have lost a baby, and watch Coronation Street, a little warning for the end of this month.

It's all in who you know

Got this email from a friend. If anyone can help her out, let me know and I'll put you in touch.

Dear friends,

Please forgive the mass e-mail, particularly if we haven't talked in a while. This is hard to write even once.

If you hadn't heard already, the recession hit home for the *** family (again). CNET laid off 10% of their worldwide workforce last week and I was part of the cream of the crop.

I'm taking the opportunity -- and a page from (husband)'s book -- to go into business for myself. I want to continue doing what I love and watch my daughter grow up at the same time. There are plenty of job listing scammers who attempt to appeal to people who fancy themselves "editors," and yet I'm the real thing! So, if you know anyone in the world (literally) who needs a kind but ruthless, bona fide professional editor/copyeditor/proofreader/critique guru for offsite work, let me know. I can do anything from resumes to term papers to articles to newsletters to …

Stuffed animals and life lessons

Proof that we're still feeling our way through the kindergarten experience without much assistance from the teacher...

Before Spring Break, Sam came home from school and informed me that he is "allowed to take a stuffed animal to school for rest time." Fine. No problem. He decided to take his beloved dog, Deja (named after a Dalmatian we fostered when Sam was two or three years old).

Yesterday, as we were leaving school for the day, Sam says, "Mommy, I have to tell you about something upsetting that happened today."

(Alarm bells ring in my head.)


"When I went to get Deja out of my locker for rest time, she was completely missing."

"Where was she?"

"I have no idea, but by the end of rest time she had reappeared."

"So what did you do for rest time?"

"I put my head down on my desk without her."

"Did you cry when you couldn't find her?"


"What did the teacher do?"


Easter hypocrisy

It's no secret on this blog that I struggle with the concepts of God and religion. We don't attend church, nor do we proclaim any particular religious affiliation. There was a time when I wanted to be a part of the Christian religious experience and I distinctly remember feeling angry when other people didn't share that desire.

My father never attended church with us and my mother inexplicably stopped going to church one day. We didn't discuss religion in our house. It wasn't that the subject was off-limits...we just didn't talk about much in our house. But I remember feeling a bit bewildered by the lack of any parent-led religious focus in my life. And I guess you could say my religious upbringing was...self-taught.

I remember feeling weird around my friend Kristine because she was Jehovah's Witness. "How weird!" Now I realize that I only thought it was weird because it deviated from what I held as "normal."

And then there was my husband…

April Fools

Sam: Mommy, is today April first?

Me: Yes's April Fools Day! We're going to have to think of a good trick to play on Daddy.

Sam: (runs into kitchen for a moment and runs back out laughing maniacally) APRIL FOOLS!!!

Me: Sam, what did you do?

Sam: I'm not telling.

Me: Sam, WHAT DID YOU DO? You better tell me.

Sam: I hid the salt shaker and then said, "April Fools," to you! (laughing so hard I thought he was going to fall over)

I love that kid.