May redux

I made it through May! and June! and I thought I was in the clear for another year! and then we had to put Rory to sleep. He couldn't stand, was incontinent, filled with tumors all over his bony body, and he stopped eating and drinking...so it was definitely time. But at the vet's office, he still tried to wag his tail. The vet tech said that's what they do...they try to stay with us as long as they can...even when their bodies fail them. I wanted to take comfort in that...but it just started my mind turning. He WANTED to stay...but his body wouldn't let him.

 

Anyone else hear that old familiar song playing in the background?

 

I know...I know...the frailty of the human existence and all that. It's tragic and beautiful all at the same time. There are forces that no amount of love can defeat. That's just life. And death.

 

From the moment Sam came home from the hospital, he was Rory's boy. Sam's 14 now...and Rory is gone. Life moves on...without regard to what we want.

 

 

Rest in peace, Roo-Roo. I hope there is love and light wherever you are. We love you and we will miss you.

Who's the boss?

I am on a Board of Directors. So I am, by virtue of holding that position, a boss of sorts (a fact that I find enormously funny since I can't even get my own sh!t together, let alone be in any way in charge of an organization). I am a volunteer for that same organization and do a lot of administrative work that should, in a perfect world, be done by a paid employee. Our micro-sized company can't afford a paid employee, so I do it. And I really don't mind doing the work...but it is an odd place to be.

I find that I take criticism very personally because, after all, I am donating my time. And it seems that lately there is PLENTY of criticism to go around. I'm not doing enough. I'm doing a lot as far as I can tell...but it's not enough. I made a snarky comment that paid staff weren't doing enough (a fact that most everyone involved in the organization will agree with on any normal day)...and I got a snarky comment from the manager in return ("This is what I get paid for. I'm very busy"). SO...it seems that I am supposed to accept criticism...work harder...and keep her mouth shut.

The boss side of me wants to cut a path of destruction and leave nobody standing. Criticism? I've got it if you REALLY want to hear it. In fact, a lot of what our employees get away with would be considered fireable offenses anywhere else. So maybe we should really take a good hard look at policies and procedures and whip the place into shape. But I know that would make it VERY unpleasant for everyone involved.

And then, the volunteer side of me alternates between wanting to (1)fight the good fight and play cheerleader and (2)tuck my tail and run away. Constantly working and working and working behind the scenes without any acknowledgment, only to be told it's not good enough...well...I'll be honest...it's taking a toll. I can not even begin to count the number of hours I have devoted to business operations...a job that I do not get paid for. Every day I do something or other for the organization. Every.Single.Day. And all I seem to hear is criticism. I know I'm not being overly sensitive because I heard the same complaints from volunteers/Board members who have since resolved the conflict for themselves by leaving the organization entirely.

I don't consider myself to be the kind of "me" person that needs constant acknowledgment or positive reinforcement. So I guess I'm searching for inspiration. How to continue to do what I'm doing and feeling good about it...how to block out the stream of negativity that keeps coming at me...how to maintain a professional viewpoint and keep the snark to a minimum when I really just feel like screaming profanities. How do you motivate people to do better when you don't feel it yourself? How do you motivate paid staff who should already be motivated AND motivate volunteers who are feeling under-appreciated? I feel like I've tried it all. Picnics...thank you notes...freebies...it doesn't seem to be working. It just seems to result in a "more, more, more" attitude. And how do you motivate your fellow Board members who seem to have time for every other activity under the sun except the activities relevant to THIS organization? How do you move an organization forward that doesn't want to be moved? that is happy with the status quo? that will not plan ahead and will eventually result in the dissolution of the organization altogether?

I had no idea this would be such a complicated gig when I agreed to join the Board. But now I'm here and I feel a responsibility to do something with it. I'm just not sure how to get to success from here.

Help my kid help the animals

The Boo Wow Walk is a fundraiser for the Animal Protective League. This year, we are offering a special prize for the top pledge-getter in the 17 and under age category. Sam REALLY wants to win this special prize. If you would like to help him (all money is donated to the APL), please click on the chip-in at the bottom of this page. Please. And thank you!

Please vote for us

Please vote for Ashtabula County Animal Protective League in the Chase Community Giving Summer 2010 charity giveaway. You will have to have a facebook account to vote. If you don't have one, this is a great reason to start one...so you can vote for us! Please and thank you!

Goodbye Thunder

Thunder (previously named Samuel by the APL shelter folks) became ill yesterday and died peacefully in his sleep this morning. He was only with us for a short time (since September), but we loved the big old lug like he'd been here much longer.

We will miss him very much.

Goodbye Antoinette

1992-2010
We love you and we will miss you, our Toni-girl.

Look who we found!

I guess I'm very sensitive to taking care of what is yours...because I was very upset to find this little dog running in the very busy road in front of our house...called it over and picked it right up even though it STUNK like POO!

The whiskey wouldn't have stained

Note how Captain Rex refuses to walk in the center of the frame?
Perhaps it's his guilt over knocking over and breaking a perfectly good bottle of Chianti and staining my kitchen floor a lovely shade of purple!

Dogs on Thursday

After being thoroughly embarassed when friends and family noticed dog-hair tumbleweeds in my house, I decided it was time to do some grooming. This is just from ONE dog...and we have eight. Your imagination can do the rest...

Whiskers on Wednesday

Dogs on Thursday

Whiskers on Wednesday

Honey, turn on the light

So let me tell you about the time my husband let a strange dog into our house in the middle of the night (last night)...

Every night, Steve goes downstairs at about 4am to let some of the dogs outside. Yes...every night. And he does it to protect me from the injury that would surely occur if I had to wobble my fat self on my bad knees down our wooden staircase in the dark with three or four dogs prancing the I-gotta-pee-dance all around. This is starting to sound like my Dad's I-walked-three-miles-to-school-in-the-snow-barefoot-uphill-both-ways story. But I digress...

So Steve takes three dogs down this morning, lets them out to do their business, lays himself down on the couch and promptly falls asleep. The sounds of barking wake him and he lets the crew in the house and four dogs stampede upstairs.

The commotion wakes me and I realize I have to pee...so I wade through the mass of unusually wiggly dog bodies to the bathroom. I don't put my glasses on or turn on the light, but I can see shapes and sizes by the illumination of the bathroom nighlight. As I sit on the toilet, Thunder, the big black lab who is our newest addition, starts pushing himself between me (on the toilet) and the wall. His giant body doesn't quite fit in the four inches, however, and I ask him, "Thunder, what is wrong with you? What are you doing?"

And then I hear fast and loud panting. Now you'd think this wouldn't be unusual with eight dogs in the house, but none of the eight do that loud panting unless they are really exerting themselves.

I look up and see what can only be described as a chocolate lab.

We don't own a chocolate lab.

I point in the dark and say, "Who's that?"

Steve comes around the corner and says, "Who's who? That's Thunder."

Me...motioning to Thunder who practically pushing me off the seat in his effort to hide behind the toilet now (big scared baby)...

"Uh...no...honey...THIS is Thunder...Turn on the light!"

(click)

Steve...sounding slightly amused and slightly alarmed,

"Cathy...that isn't our dog!"

I seriously can not type anymore because I'm laughing so hard.

Dogs on Thursday

Whiskers on Wednesday

Please vote!

My Animal Protective League (for which I am on the Board of Directors) needs your help! Please vote for us...EVERY...DAY. A new button will appear on my sidebar shortly.

Click here, search for "Ashtabula County Animal Protective League," and place your vote.

Don't forget! Every day!

Please and thank you!

Dogs on Thursday - Rest Home?

Sunday we brought another old soul into our home and it's caused a bit of confusion for all of us. Samuel is an elderly black lab who looks somewhat like Daisy, our other old black lab. The confusion comes when I use my mom voice and yell, "Samuel!" and everyone yells back, "The boy or the dog?"

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Then there's Myles running around saying, "Daisy! Daisy! Daisy!" And he really does look like Daisy. Except where Daisy looks like she stuck her face in a bag of powdered sugar, Samuel (the dog) looks like he's walked through one.

And his feet! Oh.My.Gosh.His.FEET! They are freakin' HUGE! I think he must be a cross between a black lab and some bigger breed with giant meat-paws.

But he's sooooo sweet. He seems a bit sad and doesn't seem to get excited about much. But he loves to play with the rope toy...and he is definitely a retriever (retrieving anything you throw for him). He knows "sit" and "shake" and is apparently completely housetrained (awesome!).

Samuel (the dog) was at the APL shelter and it was discovered he had a large growth on his neck. The volunteer veterinarian removed the growth and it was biopsied. Thankfully, I found out Tuesday that the growth was benign. Yay!

So...we'll see if Samuel might find himself a good home now that he's got some TLC to help him come out of his shell. He fits in here with all our dogs...so who knows...

Did I just say that? Well...the husband already loves him since he seems to be a "man's dog," so it IS possible I suppose that he might just stay here...we'll see...

Whiskers on Wednesday

This is Toni. I call her Toni baloney. She's our "old cat" at about, we guess, 15 years of age. She was a stray that had moved into my parents' garage and wouldn't leave...until Steve and I stopped by one evening. When I sat down, she immediately climbed in my lap and curled up...so she HAD to come home with us.

I remember when we brought her home...our dog, Isaac, was none too thrilled. At first, he would chase her all around. But we knew it was all an act when we caught them sleeping curled up together one day. I know she misses him a lot. Today she barely tolerates the other animals in the house...a feeling I share on some days.

What do you think?

I think Zip is fitting in just fine around here.

Yesterday I cried

And today there is no coffee in the office, so this post is going to suck. I've tried to come up with creative ways to tie subjects in my head together into a neat little post for the internet...but I just can't do it. So here's the raw, un-pretty version of completely unrelated events that have recently happened. And no, Rach, I'm NOT pregnant...but thank you for scaring me into counting the days for my own sanity sake. I was just tired from a weekend of volunteering and travelling and picnic-ing in the summer heat. I cried for the reasons I'll explain now...
------------------------------------
The staff was all gathered in the lobby, so I new something was up immediately. Closing time at the animal shelter can lead to these kinds of group talks, but not often. Most days, the staff have worked so hard all day that they are ready to leave as soon as the clock strikes quittin' time. But today was different. Today, three dogs would die at their hands...the hands of strangers. Now I'm not going to debate euthanasia here, because in these particular cases euthanasia was the right thing to do. But it still made me immeasurably sad...and I cried because I had seen him...the day they brought him in after escaping a Sheriff's deputy bullet...the husky who, according to his owner who relinquished him to us, was left to sit in a pen for five days at a time until he went crazy and broke out and killed a dozen of the neighbors chickens...now so aggressive it took a dozen tranquilizers to get him calm enough to handle...for the end of his life.

They couldn't even pay him one last visit...because it "would be too much." They did this to him. And he dies in the arms of strangers because they are to cowardly to face what they have done to him. And I cried...but not until the gathering in the lobby had dispersed. Even though I know they cried too.
------------------------------------
And then my baby came home and showed me his smile with a gap where a tooth had once been. His first tooth to fall out. The tooth fairy brought him a dollar coin...one of the new ones with the face of a dead president on them. He wants to keep the tooth and I think maybe we're both having a little trouble with this growing up thing...with letting go of the baby-hood.
------------------------------------
I actually said to someone..."Sometimes it's not about the amount of money you spend or the amount of money you can win...sometimes it's just about doing the right thing." As soon as the words were out of my mouth I couldn't believe I had said them. I'm no optimist and I'm certainly not naive like I used to be. So where the hell did that come from? I miss that girl and it's kind of nice to know at least some small part of her still lurks inside of me somewhere.
------------------------------------
Tired of my stream of consciousness yet? I am.
------------------------------------