Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Yesterday I cried

And today there is no coffee in the office, so this post is going to suck. I've tried to come up with creative ways to tie subjects in my head together into a neat little post for the internet...but I just can't do it. So here's the raw, un-pretty version of completely unrelated events that have recently happened. And no, Rach, I'm NOT pregnant...but thank you for scaring me into counting the days for my own sanity sake. I was just tired from a weekend of volunteering and travelling and picnic-ing in the summer heat. I cried for the reasons I'll explain now...
The staff was all gathered in the lobby, so I new something was up immediately. Closing time at the animal shelter can lead to these kinds of group talks, but not often. Most days, the staff have worked so hard all day that they are ready to leave as soon as the clock strikes quittin' time. But today was different. Today, three dogs would die at their hands...the hands of strangers. Now I'm not going to debate euthanasia here, because in these particular cases euthanasia was the right thing to do. But it still made me immeasurably sad...and I cried because I had seen him...the day they brought him in after escaping a Sheriff's deputy bullet...the husky who, according to his owner who relinquished him to us, was left to sit in a pen for five days at a time until he went crazy and broke out and killed a dozen of the neighbors so aggressive it took a dozen tranquilizers to get him calm enough to handle...for the end of his life.

They couldn't even pay him one last visit...because it "would be too much." They did this to him. And he dies in the arms of strangers because they are to cowardly to face what they have done to him. And I cried...but not until the gathering in the lobby had dispersed. Even though I know they cried too.
And then my baby came home and showed me his smile with a gap where a tooth had once been. His first tooth to fall out. The tooth fairy brought him a dollar of the new ones with the face of a dead president on them. He wants to keep the tooth and I think maybe we're both having a little trouble with this growing up thing...with letting go of the baby-hood.
I actually said to someone..."Sometimes it's not about the amount of money you spend or the amount of money you can win...sometimes it's just about doing the right thing." As soon as the words were out of my mouth I couldn't believe I had said them. I'm no optimist and I'm certainly not naive like I used to be. So where the hell did that come from? I miss that girl and it's kind of nice to know at least some small part of her still lurks inside of me somewhere.
Tired of my stream of consciousness yet? I am.


Julia said...

Oh, Catherine. That is just terrible. And I would've cried too. I think I might've even had trouble controlling my tongue where those "humans" are concerned. Holy crap, but that's horrific. Damn... I am sorry.

My "baby" is down 8 teeth. Well, not 8, as some of her adult teeth are now in. She's keeping the baby ones in a container in her room, but she lost two of them, including the very first one... sniff. But.. she's also getting a hang of snark and otherwise getting more interesting by the day. So, I think I like it. :)

Kellie said...

If it's any consolation - I pretty much cry everyday for one reason or the other. Today it was because I watched the 4 year old neighbor boy chase the lid for their garbage can across the cul-de-sac as the wind blew it further away each time he was just about on top of it. There's about a bazillion reasons that makes me sad - and none of them would keep out of the loony bin if I said them out loud, so I don't. I just cry.

Good times.

Pipsylou said...

"That girl" is very much alive and well. She still has a tender heart for animals (the least of these), and sends her friends cards and gifts when they are down. :)

You are awesome, Catherine. I am so glad I know you. I'm just emotional tonight, and thanking God for friends like you. You ever just take stock and think about how lucky you are? I guess I'm just doing that tonight.

Michele said...

I still miss my Husky who died and reading that part of your post, my heart sank. So very sad with you...

Cat said...

I'm so sorry you had a rough day. That poor animal... it makes me sick.

I'm glad your boy could brighten your day a little bit though!