Saturday, May 24, 2008

Use by May 1, 2008

Back in early December when we bought the formula, it seemed like May 1st was such a long way off. Given my previous experience with breastfeeding, I doubted I would be able to sufficiently nourish Myles and, with my self-doubt, convinced Steve to buy two packages of the little glass nursette bottles of ready-to-feed...just in case.

Today is May 24th. Four days ago Myles celebrated six months with us by staying home from work with me for the day. Six months old! It goes by so so so fast.

And today I stood at the sink and dumped the now-expired formula. It was a surreal experience standing at the sink with the memories of six months of moments swirling around and around like the liquid circling the drain.

They say you forget.

And I guess that was true once.

But the fear and desperation and joy are still palpable when I reflect on the past three years with any real focus.

That's why when I do look back, I do so with restraint. I limit my reflection to short moments that allow me to pick and choose the high points without being overwhelmed by the enormity of it all.

As soon as the formula washed away down into oblivion I dropped the glass bottles into the recycle bin and went and nursed my six month old...and smiled.

5 comments:

marcia said...

Smiling with you, Catherine! :) It's a long and winding road...but you are making your way down it!

delphi said...

I feel the same way. In my life, with my realities. Well said.

Awake said...

Six months is a wonderful milestone deserving of your smile and a pat on the back.

Julia said...

Is it ok to say that I am glad you both bought the formula (i.e. were willing to give yourself a break), and got to dump it all out (i.e. did much better than you expected)?

And also that I am glad you have the control to only let your emotions in when you are ready? I realize that isn't always true, but I am glad it's true for the most part.

Beruriah said...

Awesome. That must have felt so good.

Must go check the dates on my reserve formula....I hope I can have a moment like that too.