Friday, December 14, 2007

Miscellaneous thoughts

Congratulations to Beruriah on the safe arrival of baby Samuel Nadav!
What does it mean when my five-year-old son has functionality problems with his imaginary computer?
If I have to watch "Merry Christmas Charlie Brown" one more time, I might just lose my mind. I think it might be time for the DVR to have a little accident.

"I don't know what happened, Sam, it must have been deleted by mistake."
It is impossible for me to maintain any respect for someone who puts "Meet Joe Black" on their list of all-time favorite movies.
Steve suggested I keep my maternity clothes until the spring...because "you never know."

So now I think about it. I think about how I would feel to try to have another baby. I think about how I would feel to NOT try to have another baby. I'm not getting any younger and there is no time to waste. I would love to have more children. I don't want to live the rest of my life feeling sad that I let fear and doubt rob me of that...that I let fear and doubt make my decisions for me. But at the same time, why push my luck? What we have is beautiful and wonderful and fabulous.

I guess crazy isn't crazy enough for our house AND in my head. Too bad he's got to deal with the stuff in my head first.
I found out I was assigned to help with my son's holiday party when another mother called me to see what role I would prefer to play (party supplies, room attendant, etc). I LOVE the non-existent communication from this school. grrr!

And since the teacher KNOWS I've had the baby, WHY did she assign me to this party? Why not hold onto my name for the Valentine's party? If I were a more suspicious person, I might think she did it deliberately to see if she could set me up for failure.
Is it ok to just send a gift with a note that says, "Thinking of you," and nothing else? Or is it better to explain the thought? They say it's the thought that counts...but what if they don't "get" the thought?

Lately, all my gifts seem to go with lengthy explanations...disclaimers of sorts. I guess, having been down the road I've been down, I want the person receiving the gift to know EXACTLY what I'm thinking when I send I don't unintentionally hurt their feelings in any way. But then I feel like a dork. I mean...shut up's just a Christmas ornament.
Here's a confession for you...
I'm not particularly good at this mom of two thing. In fact, if my five-year-old son's current loud muttering behind the closed door of his bedroom is any indication, I pretty much suck at it. Or maybe it's just that I suck at being the mommy to a five-year-old. I actually told him that if he wants to go back to daycare instead of spending the day with my and Myles I would be ok with that. I SO would NOT be ok with that...but it came out before I could stop it.

And what did he do to inspire such a loving comment from mommy dearest? He refused to play Scrabble with me after he had pestered me for three days to play it. He saw all the tiles and, looking back at it now, was quite intimidated by the game. I tried to convince him it would be fun to learn new learn a new game to play...and he scrunched up his face in a pout, walked to the other side of the living room, and planted his face in the couch cushions, muttering, "I don't want to play this's too hard."

It IS a hard game and I recognize that. And I tried to take it to his five-year-old level and make it fun for us both. It was his complete unwillingness to even TRY that sent me right over the edge. He has this mental block when it comes to new things...he's "not good at this" or "he doesn't know how to do that." I have never met a person more stubborn to try something new. I mean, it's just a game of Scrabble!

So I sent him to his room. And when he slammed the door and locked it, I marched upstairs, forced the door open (he should have seen the shock on his face), spanked him once on the bottom for slamming the door, told him to leave it unlocked (which he's been told before), and told him he could come out of his room as soon as it was clean. Yeah, that's me...adding insult to injury.

And of course, now Sam will NEVER want to play a freaking game of Scrabble, thanks to me. I should even CONSIDER having another baby. I can't even deal with the two I've got.

(He just came down here, while I was typing this, to whine that he needed help cleaning his room. Well buddy, I need help with the dishes and the laundry. I'll tell you do those and I'll clean your room. OK? GAH! I need a drink!)


Aurelia said...

Catherine honey,

You've just had a new baby, and you are actually upright, out shopping, and doing laundry?!?!

I was in bed after Mac arrived, and it was almost impossible to get anything done.

Maybe you are trying to do too much?

An idea you may want to steal: After Mac was born, I kept Kaz in daycare all day, and my husband dropped him off and did all the morning stuff so they had some alone time. I picked him up a bit early like 3:30ish, and we all hung out together. When my husband came home I handed him the baby and had some special alone time with Kaz. And he picked the activity, even if it was just hanging out on the couch.

And no it didn't work out this perfectly, but it did quite often, and keeping my expectations low on housework, meant that I didn't beat myself up.

Take care honey, and get some rest.

Everyone Has a Story... said...

Of course my boys are older, much older (19,17,14) but I am always apologising to them (I read once where it is "health" to apologize to your children) and this is what I say:
"I am sorry, I have never been a mother to a ___ Year old before, and you haven't been ___ before, so we have to work this thing out together"

As corny as it sounds, it totally works for the oldest son...try it!!!

Hoping things get easier..Kim

sarahbobeara said...

i almost always enclose a 'narration card' when i'm sending a gift to friends. i'm a nerd that way too :) i'm sure my SS will get one in with her package (blush)...

i'm intimidated by scrabble too. shh. my little secret :)

Lori said...

To be honest...WHO is really GREAT at the Mommy to anyone? I think some people are really good at feigning "greatness", but we never know what happens behind closed doors. I think the best we do is survive to be honest with you. When I pray, I pray that my kids turn out well, DESPITE my mistakes and imperfections. I love them with all of my heart, but I do screw up on a daily basis...some days more or less than others.

You've got the LOVE thing down to an art Catherine...try not to be so hard on yourself. No matter what happens day to day, those boys KNOW that you love them...and that's what truly matters.

Here's hoping that the good days outweigh the bad SOON!!! ((((hugs!!))))

kate said...

What Lori said. Chloe was actually in daycare fulltime after the twins were born....and dh was home. (and painting the porch, but that's another story...) I think you are doing extremely well having them both at home with you. It is hard & there is a period of transition...we all have bad moments but overall it sounds like you are doing fine.

As i say this my daughter is trashing the kitchen...

Marcia said...

As the Grandma of two five-year-old boy cousins, I think Sam's wonderful imagination is well-within the limits of normal five-year-old behavior. And so is his ability to change his desires, opinions, and moods with no notice whatsoever! Just go with the flow are doing a great job mothering! There are days, and there are days..... :( :)

Hennifer said...

I swear I've had the same idea, execution, frustration, time outing situation a dozen times with my now 6 year old over the years. Same day, different game. It happens! You will all survive :)

Julia said...

I wrote before about how risk-averse Monkey is. What works for us is reminding her that getting good at anything, mental or physical, requires practice. And also praising her for working hard to achieve something, rather than being "good at it." It's a pain in my maternal butt, but it does work.