Friday, December 07, 2007

So this is what it feels like

As I'm sure you can guess, I've got issues with my body stemming from its past failures. It started with the gestational diabetes with Sam...kept up with my inability to exclusively breastfeed him...and has just been keeping me on my toes during the past two years with failure after failure. Yeah...I'm a mess.

When Myles was born, he spent two days in the NICU. He was initially admitted for breathing difficulties (he had a little transitional fluid in his lungs that resolved itself). Then he remained there for extreme weight loss. He was born at 7lbs 15ozs and left the NICU at 6lbs 12ozs (that's a loss of over 15%...or so the doctors and nurses kept telling me). Everyone was concerned and I was caught in what was clearly a battle between pro-breastfeeding personnel (lactation consultants) and pro-formula personnel (NICU nurses). The pressure was crazy and my own personal issues prevented me from exerting any clear maternal decision-making at the time.

So I nursed (and pumped to try to get my milk to come in quicker) and Myles was supplemented with small amounts of formula. It was totally fine with me. I wanted him to grow and thrive. So when my milk finally came in, but Myles wasn't gaining the way "they" liked to see, they only reluctantly let us go home...and I was instructed to keep up with the supplementing when we went home.

Well...Myles had other plans. He was NOT interested in formula AT ALL (and I can't blame him...it smells and tastes BAD). So we've been nursing exclusively...except for an occasional supplement here and there (I'm still not ready to breastfeed in the middle of small-town Walmart).

Of course, I've still had my doubts. I KNOW all the facts about wet/dirty diaper counting, paying attention to signs that he's satisfied and not dehydrated, etc, etc, etc. But I still worried...of course. And that worry was reinforced by the requirement that we submit to weight checks with our pediatrician.

So today's check brought with it a momentary reprieve from the doubts.
Birth - 7/15
Discharge - 6/12
Weight check #1 - 6/12.5
Weight check #2 - 7
Weight check #3 - 7/8

Finally, I am not a failure. And he's happy and healthy. I can't stop smiling.

7 comments:

Sherri said...

YAAAYYYY for "the good stuff" as we called the "mommy milk" in our house!!
So glad to read that he is growing as he should, but especially glad to read your words "he's happy and healthy."

:-)

kate said...

congrats!!!

Hennifer said...

Growing is great! Sorry for the stress. It IS really hard when you don't feel you can't trust your own body.
I first handedly know the stress weight checks can cause. Keep up the great work!

JMB said...

Yea!!!! I don't get it when health professionals, while outwardly touting the benefits of breast feeding but yet are the first to push formula. We had some of the same issues, and we are well on our way now. Congrats and keep going!

Marcia said...

You go, girl! :)
I still think there was a problem with the birth weight at delivery. Imagine how huge he would have been if he had stayed "inside" for another 4-1/2 weeks, if he really weighed that much at 35-1/2 weeks?
You are The Mom! :):)

Carole said...

Go Myles!!! It is easy to not know. I was only able to nurse Zak for 6 weeks. I couldn't keep up...he weighed 10 lbs at birth...but I nursed Abba...and it was frustrating to not be able to count ounces.
~Carole

sarahbobeara said...

that is such wonderful news, kate! hope baby myles continues to get nice and chubby for you :)