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Sam's cub scout leader is a very nice lady (D) and I normally really like her. So I'm a bit astonished right now at what just happened. Let me back up a bit in this story first...
D called me last week to tell me that the boys' final tiger cub project had been scheduled for today at 10am. Steve is in the middle of the bad time of year for work with government deadlines looming. I had scheduled a seminar in Cleveland that my office had paid nearly $400 for. It just wasn't going to be possible for us to take Sam to the designated location for this final project and he would be unable to earn the patch necessary to move onto the Wolf level.
D graciously invited Sam over to her house for the entire day. We could drop him off in the morning and she would watch him until I got back to town at about 5:30. At about 5:30, she called to tell me that it would be ok if Sam stayed until the scheduled picnic this evening...she would bring him and we could meet them there. Oh, and Tim would like Sam to spend the night.
Wow! I mean, this lady is so nice. She has five kids of her own and she wants to spend two full days with my kid too (I wouldn't be able to get out of work tomorrow until late, due to depositions). I was so thankful and thrilled that Sam had made a friend in D's son (who is also in the same cub scout pack).
And then...
At the picnic tonight, Steve made a comment about how nice D's street seemed this morning when he dropped Sam off. She said something like, "Oh no...it's a terrible neighborhood." Steve then had to chase after Myles so he wasn't around for the next part...where D proceeded to tell me all about the many drug dealers who live in their neighborhood...how the house on the corner was raided last Monday and the cops were there for eight hours taking out drugs...how the neighbor girl smokes pot on her back porch and D can smell it in her kitchen...how D has an understanding with the parents of that neighbor girl that she doesn't care what they do in their own home, if D's kids can see it or smell it, then D will call the cops...how half the kids in the neighborhood are drug dealer's kids and the other half hand out with drug dealer's kids.
I hesitated giving Sam a kiss. And I walked away from the pavilion with what must have been a terrified look on my face. Steve, who hadn't gotten the drugland rundown, said, "Are you going to be able to sleep tonight?" And I replied, "What? With my kid sleeping two houses down from the one that was raided last week where it took the cops eight hours to clear out all the drugs?" I've never seen Steve move so fast in my life. "No...this isn't happening," is all he said as he headed back to the pavilion to collect our child. Never wanting to offend anyone, I asked him, "What excuse are you going to give?" How's that for idiotic thinking? This woman wants my son to sleep in the middle of the hood and I'm worried about offending her by saying no! I think I need psychiatric help. Thankfully, my husband is sane and he took care of it without batting an eye.
I am completely dumbfounded. I just don't know what to say. We believe in honesty within my family, so we did our best to explain it to him without scaring him too much. We told him it was ok to be angry at us, as long as we know he's safe we can handle him being angry. We told him we would never forgive ourselves, knowing what we know, if we sent him over there and he got hurt. I THINK he gets it...but I so with he didn't have to.
I long for the days when I was little and we had a whole neighborhood as our playground. We rode bikes up and down the street and we didn't have to worry about anything more than what flavor koolaid we'd ask for when we landed at one of our houses. My son won't know that life. He's had to grow up too fast in a lot of ways already. And tonight I'm just sad about all of it.
I'm facing a personal ethical challenge and it's making me re-evaluate who I am and what I believe in. I'm going to be self-indulgent here and put it all into words. I don't expect any magical relief will come from putting it out here...but just maybe...I don't know...
I became a member of the Board of Directors of my local Animal Protective League back in February. The organization is experiencing some growing pains and I've been trying to help get them back on course (read = they're transitioning from "the way we've always done things" to "the right way.") . They haven't been following their corporate directives except in the most generalized ways (read = they still have an animal shelter, but all established business practices have ceased). Procedural things have just fallen by the wayside and nobody has bothered to address the resulting substantive deficiencies for quite some time. For example, they are a membership organization and they're supposed to have a list of members in a membership book. Simple, right? They didn't. In fact, they couldn't even say WHO their members were. Even worse, they didn't have a policy and procedures manual for the employees. Everyone just sort of bumbled along however they were used to or however they felt like. It is a mess. And I say that both personally and professionally.
I joined the organization knowing that while they have aspirations to prevent the need to euthanize animals, they have enacted policy that limits the shelter population. In the rescue community we call it "euthanizing for space." I hate it, but I understand the options can, at times, be to either euthanize unwanted animals or house them indefinitely and stop taking in any other animals in need. I pledged to work with rescues as much as humanly possible to make sure that "my" shelter doesn't have to euthanize for space. I guess you could say this was my first ethical compromise.
Recently, it has come to my attention that our shelter practices the abortion of canine pregnancies (they may also do felines, but I do not have any information on that at this time). This thought makes me sick to my stomach. I asked about it and was told that "everyone does it," and that other shelters accepted this practice (allegedly) as an effort to address the overwhelming generalized problem of pet overpopulation. Another symptom of the larger problems within this organization...there is no formal policy regarding this abortion/pregnant-spay practice. I'm not sure there was ever even a discussion. The Board President tells me this was "sort of adopted as policy" by herself, the then-Shelter Director, and the Animal Welfare Director. I asked how the decisions are made regarding selection of animals for this "procedure" and I asked if this practice was ever disclosed to membership. I received NO response. The silence concerns me. A lot.
I emailed the Board President again and told her I'm going to formally request that this procedure cease unless/until the Board adopts a formal policy allowing it. As you can imagine (probably because she was involved in the initial formation of this "sort of policy"), I didn't get a real positive response. I told her that I believe if this is a policy the organization wants to have, then it should be discussed and adopted out in the open...particularly since we are a member organization and we MUST be open with our members. I told her I plan to introduce it as new business at our next Board meeting
I have thought about this for weeks now and have decided that if they do adopt this policy, I will immediately resign. This is the line I will not cross. This is not something I can be a party to. I haven't told anyone this because I don't want it to seem like a threat from someone who is too self-important. I just want/need to do what is necessary for my own peace of mind.
I know where this conversation will lead because that's where it has gone in my head over the past few weeks. The A-word. The big debate. My brain is tired from turning it all over...inside out and upside down.
And underneath all the "big" issues this has brought up for me, I'm just really really sad that I may have to leave this organization that I so badly want to help. All I would have to do is make another compromise to stay. Unfortunately, I think it would end up costing me more than I can imagine and I just can't do it.
I hope that any and all comments to this post will be respectful. I'm not talking to the people I know (I know you will behave yourselves)...I'm talking directly to anonymous people who may choose to post drive-by comments. Rude or disrespectful comments will be deleted.
Maybe I'm getting older and nostalgia is settling in my bones, but I think childhood summer vacation is something we should work to achieve for everyone.
Every year, The Fresh Air Fund gives thousands of inner-city children the priceless gift of fun – and opens the door to a lifetime of opportunities.
Whether its a two-week trip to the country to visit a volunteer host family, or a fun-filled and educational stay at one of our camps, our programs make for unforgettable memories – and open a world of new friendships and fresh possibilities.
We are a not-for-profit agency and depend on tax-deductible donations from people like you to keep our vital programs flourishing.
Right now, any gift you make to The Fresh Air Fund will be matched dollar for dollar by a group of generous donors. If you can give $25, that means $50 for inner-city children. $50 becomes $100!
But you must make your donation by June 30th to take advantage of this wonderful opportunity.
-------------------------------------- Bring on summertime! First grade is over! The boy got all A's and Satisfactory's. He's still got that checkmark indicating he needs improvement controlling his talking. Wonder where he got that particular trait... -------------------------------------- Nothing against Relay for Life or anything, but one of their wayward yard signs cost me $85 in van repair. That does not make me likely to make a donation this year. -------------------------------------- Still can't help but wonder why some babies live and some don't. -------------------------------------- I never get tired of hearing elected officials swear at me. Yeah, it's no wonder I have a potty mouth and my kid has a potty mouth (Did I tell you he dropped the f-bomb at dinner with my parents last week? I'm just SO proud). -------------------------------------- I love baking pumpkin bread...it makes my house smell so yummy. -------------------------------------- Zip the foster dog is doing great. She's currently sitting here whining at me because I'm not paying her enough attention. I keep thinking "aggressive...yeah...right." -------------------------------------- Who thought it was a good idea for me to serve on the Board of Directors of anything? -------------------------------------- Sam may go to a friend's house for the very first time next week. Keep your fingers crossed I don't hyperventilate over the whole thing. -------------------------------------- I tend to blog in tweet terms now. Sorry about that. -------------------------------------- Zip the foster dog took four steps on a leash! Incentive=bologna. Next stop...the great outdoors...hopefully in this lifetime.
Sharma the white shepherd went to rescue today. I had the privilege of driving the first leg. Such a sweet sweet girl. When I hear "the innocent victim of the foreclosure crisis," this is who I think of. -------------------------------------- I would crochet more and read more, but I'm too tired. -------------------------------------- The balloons have all deflated from all the birthday celebrations and I can no longer find Myles this way... --------------------------------------
Sunday, May 31: Collected Zip. This was a trick, since she's deathly afraid of the leash. So I put some canned dog food in a bowl about halfway back into a travel crate. As she was eating, half in the crate, I gently petted her for a bit and then slid my hand down to her tail and gently lifted her backside into the crate. Closed the door and voila. Not really voila. She was shaking so bad I thought she was going to shake the door right off the crate. But there was NO growling. I kept talking to her as I carried her out of that shelter...promising her life was going to get better.
I let her sleep in the travel crate Sunday night since she really didn't seem to want to come out of there.
Monday, June 1: Monday morning and I was headed off to work for the day so I couldn't leave Zip in the travel crate. I sat on the floor with the travel crate door open and just talked to her. Eventually, she ventured out...so slowly...her whole body shaking. When she was clear of the travel crate I took her blanket out and put it in the large wire crate we have set up for her. I closed the travel crate door so she couldn't retreat back in. She wasn't sure where to go and I could tell she was scanning the room for a good hiding place. So I petted her and used the same technique as last night to gently guide her into the wire crate. Once in, she had some water and seemed to be quite content. She definitely feels safer when in a confined space.
Got home from work and was a bit worried. Zip hadn't gone to the bathroom in her crate. So that means it had been at least 24 hours since she last went potty. That can't be good. I slipped a collar on her. She started to shake when I did it, but didn't growl or act at all aggressive. After a few minutes it didn't seem to bother her at all. Hooked the leash up to the collar and left it lay on the floor. She planted herself as flat as she could and refused to move. I've only ever seen one other dog as afraid of a leash as Zip is...and that's my Milo.
I ignored her for a bit and baked some brownies while listening to the same piano music I would play her in the shelter. Eventually, she ventured out of the crate to the center of the room where her reward lay (leftover birthday cake...she loved it). After that, though, she did the same lay flat routine...refusing to move. So I unhooked her leash and let her roam around the kitchen at will. She didn't go very far...she is very very scared of just about everything...except Sam.
Sam came in the kitchen and sat down to visit...and Zip climbed right up in his lap and curled up looking like she wanted to take a little nap. I was a little nervous that I didn't have a good way to remove her from Sam's lap should it become necessary...but it didn't become necessary. I really didn't have to worry. Sam gently moved and stood up and Zip just slipped off his lap without a complaint. Funny thing was, wherever he walked, Zip followed...her little tail wagging. It was quite the sight.
After a while Sam and I went in the next room to give Zip some freedom to explore without feeling nervous we were watching her. She did finally go pee. She was clearly afraid I would yell at her. But I just cleaned it up and marked the spot with puppy pads. Hopefully this will be her spot and I can train her to use the pads (at least until I can get her on a leash and take her outside for a walk).
This little girl is really a doll. I knew I was right about her.
Tuesday, June 2: Got home from work and the Dish installer is here. Zip doesn't seem upset by his presence at all...no signs of aggression in the least. She was even out of her crate for a while and he walked right past her...she just sat really still and watched him...no growling or anything. That's really really good.
AND she used the puppy pads to poop and pee! I swear, this dog was housetrained at one point. She went right over to them and did her business. She still seemed scared that I was going to yell or something, but I was so happy that I think she got over her fear a little bit. As soon as the messy pads were disposed of, she actually started to jump and PLAY! It was absolutely the coolest thing ever! Sam was dancing around and giggling and the two of them were having a fabulous time. It was an absolutely lovely sight. She clearly loves Sam and will follow him to the ends of the earth (which is helpful when it's time to get her back in her crate). I must remember to get video of this pup having some fun to show the shelter staff. I don't think they believed she was anything but mean...even when I told them different.
I'm sorry to say we've made little progress in the leash department. She has no apparent objection to the collar, but she still will not move AT ALL when a leash is attached to the collar. At first I was thinking a harness might work...but I fear that as long as a leash is involved, she won't go anywhere. It really is one of the saddest things I've ever seen. I KNOW she would love to go outside for a walk. But I just have no way to take her unless I can get a leash on her.
The teacher sent home a note saying that they were going to be decorating special t-shirts for their field trip.
"Please have the t-shirt to school by Wednesday May 20th."
May 19th, I call Steve on his way home from work to have him stop to buy a plain white t-shirt.
May 20th, Sam comes home from school and announces that he "doesn't need the t-shirt until next week."
May 27th, Sam's class decorates t-shirts.
May 29th, Sam's class cleans out their desks.
May 31st, I dig through Sam's book bag and sort things to save what needs saved for scrapbooks. What do I find? A plain white t-shirt.
Me: Uh...Sam? (holding up the t-shirt)
Sam: Oh...I forgot.
Me: Didn't you decorate t-shirts already?
Sam: Yeah, I guess I must've forgotten I had that in there.
Me: So what did YOU decorate?
Sam: Mrs. C. had an extra, so I decorated that.
Me: While this was in your bag the whole entire time?
Sam: Sorry mommy.
June 1st, Mrs. A., the assistant teacher in the class, approaches me to tell me that Sam's the only one in the class who hasn't turned in a permission slip.
Me: OK...I'll make sure he has it tomorrow morning.
We get home, fill out the permission slip, and (no, I'm not kidding) tape it to the inside of the kitchen door so that we can not possibly forget it.
June 2nd, the field trip day. We get to school early...permission slip, check...inhaler, check...lunch, check. He takes two steps out of the van toward the sidewalk and turns back toward me completely hysterical.
Me: Sam? What's wrong?
Sam: I was supposed to wear my t-shirt today and I forgot and it's in my bookbag in the kitchen AT HOOOOOOME! (imagine the appropriate level of wailing here)
Me: (donning my supermom cape) I'll TRY to go home and get here in time to get it to you, but if I don't make it you'll just have to go without it.
Sam: (more wailing) But I don't WAAAAAANT TOOOOOOO!
Me: Do you just not want to go?
Sam: No...(sniffle)...ok. (shuffles off to the school door)
Six minutes.
That's right.
Six minutes.
Lucky for me the sheriff's deputy I flew past was an acquaintence...so I just waved a friendly wave at him and he didn't pull me over.
Six minutes home and six minutes back.
My kid sits in his bright red t-shirt in the middle of a room full of kids in handpainted white t-shirts.
I have this ongoing environmental case involving a schizophrenic man in his late 50s/early 60s. He's a collector. He wanders around town and collects whatever catches his eye, certain that there must be something with some value in his collection. He takes it all to his property and dumps it...to deal with "later." Later never comes and eventually the junk piles get so high that the neighbors call to complain and the Health Department steps in. The neighbors are exasperated with this man and, for their own reasons, never offer to help.
As often happens with those with mental illness, this case cycles with his compliance with his medication regimen. The first court case was filed in 2002 and has been back to court several times since. And this man knows enough to know that he "will get in trouble" if he doesn't stop collecting stuff. But he can't seem to help himself.
Earlier this month, I was forced to file again on this case. The man has successfully avoided service of process and I feared I would have to have him arrested in order to get his appearance in court. At today's scheduled hearing, however, Ms. P. showed up...representing herself as this man's Social Security representative payee. More importantly, I could tell that she was there as his friend. She and some other friends have apparently taken it upon themselves to help this man...to clean his property and take care of him in the way that he is clearly not able to do for himself. She has no legal responsibility as his representative payee or otherwise. She just likes him and wants to help.
In the past few weeks, this woman has orchestrated the removal of 156 bags of garbage and a construction-sized dumpster of miscellaneous junk and debris. She jokes that she ruined her manicure in the process. And through it al...despite the ruined manicure...she says, "I would never try to change him...he's a wonderful person." The neighbors could take a lesson from her. I know I did.
This is Zip. We call her Zippy-Doo. She was brought into the animal shelter on April 28th on the end of the dog warden's pole. She had a rope tied around her neck.
For the first two weeks she was at the shelter, nobody could get close enough to even tell that she was, in fact, a she. She would growl and snarl and snap if you even looked at her. But the animal welfare director wanted to give her a chance because, what you can't tell from a picture, is that Zip is actually a very small dog. She is what I imagine happens when you put a German Shepherd on high/hot tumble dry. She just shrunk right on down. She so small, I could carry her out in my shoulder bag...if she would let me.
I was introduced to Zip Friday, May 15th. What follows are my entries from each day.
Friday, May 15 I overheard Sue talking about how she tried to get this dog out of the cage for a walk. It was apparently quite the ordeal. Everything she described about this dog, Zip, reminds me of our Milo. He was once terribly abused and his behavior reflected that. With time and love, he has turned into an amazing family pet. So, of course, I asked to meet Zip.
She hates me. She snarled and growled and snapped at my hand on the other side of the wire cage. Took Sam back to see if we could get any different reaction with a child. No luck. Even tried to bribe her with yummy soft treats. Less snapping, but still baring teeth and unpredictable reactions to movements.
She is so afraid. Her body just shakes uncontrollably. She's clearly lived through something very traumatic. I'm not sure she can be saved.
Saturday, May 16 Took Zip some doughnut munchkins. She wasn't too thrilled with them...or me. Still snarling and snapping. Decided to play her some soft music but I only have country on my phone...must work on that.
Went back to see Zip again...the munchkins had been eaten in my absence. She still seems to hate me. Took Sam and Steve to see her...she hates them too.
Monday, May 18 Went with Sam to see Zip right after school. Played her some Jim Brickman piano music. She seems better somehow even though she did snap at Sam one time. We won't stick our hands in the cage, that's for sure.
Sam and I talked about what the euphemism "put to sleep" means. He's decided he wants to work every day with Zip and me to try to "save her from being killed" (That boy...I love his big heart and his ability to cut through the BS).
Tuesday, May 19 No teeth at all today! A few small growls, but she was immediately soothed with sweet baby talk. The animal welfare director has agreed to get her on the vet schedule so we can bring her home and assess her behavior outside the shelter environment. I'm nervous. I want it to work, but I'm just not sure she's going to meet us halfway. I'm also doubting involving Sam in this. If it doesn't work, will his little heart be broken? He says he understands. But understanding and experiencing are two very different things.
Wednesday, May 20 Zip met us with tail wags and puppy-ish behavior! It was like a completely different dog! Sam and I are both thrilled! We got permission to open her cage door and I was even able to pet her head for a few pets. She approached us both and sniffed our hands. She's still obviously nervous and shrinks away when she sees a leash. I'm hopeful. I told Sam I was a little hopeful and he said, "Mommy, after today, you should be a LOT hopeful." He also told me he's glad we're doing this together. And even if Zip can't be saved, "she knows people care about her for at least a little bit."
Thursday, May 21 Someone asked the animal welfare director today, "What did you do to Zip?" She apparently greeted another shelter worker, Jennifer, with tail wags and a happy attitude today. That means it's working! She's making real progress!
We arrived late at the shelter and Zip was waiting for us with tail wags and puppy kisses! I'm still nervous around her. It's hard to shake that snarling snapping image in my brain from just a few short days ago. But she's doing her best to win me over, that's for sure. She actually took a step outside her cage toward me, sniffed my knee/leg/foot and seemed...I don't know...playful. I am very hopeful today. I would really like to get her out for a walk...I think it would do her some good. But I don't dare try the leash just yet.
Friday, May 22 Up to the shelter today. Zip actually tried to climb into our laps. I'm not sure if she really wants us or if she just wants OUT of that cage. Can't say that I blame her. If only I could get her to make a good association with the leash, rather the terrifying one she so obviously has. Every time we SHOW her a leash she shrinks back in terror.
We promised her some birthday cake from Sam's party tomorrow. Bet she'll like that.
Saturday, May 23 Dropped by the shelter after hours for just a few minutes today. Forgot the birthday cake but Zip seemed really happy to see us nonetheless. Still terrified of the leash. Working on desensitizing her to it, but not seeing much progress.
Sunday, May 24 Went by the shelter two hours after close, hoping to catch a quiet moment or two with Zip. I was hoping to introduce the leash during those first few moments so she wouldn't have time to react. She was wild to see us and we were able to pet her just like a normal pup. It was awesome! Then she saw the leash and shrank away, darn it.
I noticed her blanket was dirty, so I switched it out. Good and bad stuff came of that. The good: During the change-out, she tried to escape. I stopped her with a gentle hand and pushed her back in the cage. She didn't even growl. The bad: She did NOT like me entering her space and ran to the far corner and trembled. When she relaxed a little bit again I stepped one foot in the cage and she reverted back to the same scared posture cowering in the corner. I had to sit quietly for a few minutes outside the cage before she would even get up and lay down closer to me on the blanket. Even then, she kept her wary eyes on me.
I'm on a mission to find this little girl a rescue. She deserves a chance after the obviously crappy hand life has dealt her so far.
Monday, May 25 Only a little bit of time to visit with Zip today. But it was good. She seemed genuinely happy to see us and she let us both pet her all over.
Tuesday, May 26th Zip loves birthday cake. Don't ask me how I know that.
I'm still working on desensitizing her to the leash. It's slow going, but today she didn't immediately run when she saw it. I was even able to lay it on her paw and the top of her head before she decided she'd had enough. I may just be able to get a leash on her by the end of this week if I'm lucky.
Oh...even more significant...I tried a little experiment and (with the door closed...just in case) had one of the shelter workers put her hand down by the cage. Where Zip would have snapped and snarled before, she wagged her tail and licked her hand through the cage wire! I swear, she's like a completely different dog.
It's so amazing to see the transformation of this little girl from the snarling mess she was just two short weeks ago. Now she wags her tail and demands attention like a normal puppy. In fact, I was sitting outside her cage with the door closed and wasn't paying enough attention and she jumped up on the inside of the cage and barked her little dog bark at me as if to say, "Hey...you're not paying enough attention to me...don't you know I'm adorable?" She has even tried a couple of times now to climb out of the cage and into Sam's lap. I think she just wants a good snuggle.
Shelter workers tell me she has a "different attitude...still timid...but not nasty anymore." That's what I like to hear!
Wednesday, May 27 I finally just lassoed her. She froze like a little statue for a minute or two and then walked over and gave me this look like, "Please get this thing off of me." When I put a hand on her chest/neck to keep her from leaving the cage, she coughs as if I've choked her. I know I'm not exerting any pressure at all, so I wonder if she wasn't injured at some point (she was found with a rope around her neck). Anyway...victory for today! I was able to get the leash on and off her three times without so much as a growl. Yay!
Thursday, May 28 You be the judge...
Friday, May 29 Well, today was our first step backwards. I knew it would happen, but now I'm worried. I was trying to put the leash over her head like I've been doing for the past couple of days. But this time she walked side to side to avoid me as best she could. At one point she turned her head and snipped my direction. She didn't try to get me at all...but it was clearly a warning to knock it off. So I gave her a break for a few minutes and then tried again (I didn't want her to think she had won alpha status)...and had no problems.
But she's set for the vet schedule tomorrow morning and he has a policy of not dealing with "aggressive" animals. I KNOW she's not aggressive in the traditional sense...she's just scared and she needs to get out of there. And she can get out of there and come home with us if she just behaves herself. But none of that is going to impress him, I'm sure. He's dealt with shelter animals and he knows the drill...it's just going to be a matter of how willing he is to work with her...and I fear he will just decide she's not worth the effort.
*sigh* I hate that there is NOTHING I can do. They won't let me come up before...only after. Keep your fingers crossed for Zip.
Saturday, May 30 Yeah...exactly what I feared. You know...I know these people are good people...so why do they have to fall into the "I know what I'm doing and I don't have to listen to you" trap? The only ones who pay for it are the animals.
They went into Zip's cage with leashes and tried to walk her to the surgery suite. She nearly bit the vet tech and the vet.
So I laid it at the animal welfare directors feet. Her call. If she labeled Zip aggressive I would abide by that...I disagreed...but I would abide by it. I explained that I was not questioning anyone's professional judgment...only advocating for Zip because I believe she's gotten a raw deal and has been terribly treated by humans. I also believe she has the capacity to change. Maybe it will take time...but I've seen her make small steps already in the short time we've been working together and I truly believe she can be a good dog if given a chance (out of the shelter). I said I was disappointed that Zip was allowed to languish in the shelter for more than a month if they were just going to apply the standard "aggressiveness policy" to her. Maybe it wasn't fair, but I guilted the woman into releasing Zip to us...to foster here at home!
Now before anyone gasps and shakes their head worrying...we have baby gates and safety protocol already in place for fostering dogs. This is something we've done in the past (and done well, if I do say so myself). I'm not expecting miracles (hoping maybe)...and I understand that it may very well end up that Zip is just aggressive and unadoptable and will end up being euthanized for everyone's safety...but for now I'm excited to try. First step...getting her into a crate to get her home. This is going to be a challenge.
In other exciting developments...Zip ate crunchy kibble while I sat near her and touched her. Not even a growl!
I've been saving both of these foot-related charities for Barefoot Week, which is June 1-7! I personally love being barefoot. But I am very lucky and have a choice.
Soles 4 Souls "We want to invite people to join hundreds of thousands of Soles4Souls supporters around the world in participating in Barefoot Week," said Wayne Elsey, Founder & CEO of Nashville-based Soles4Souls. "Anyone can make an important difference to someone in need by starting their own shoe drive, cleaning out their closet, sending us a new pair of shoes or making a simple cash donation. Our charity thrives on the active involvement of everyday people making the decision to step up and help less fortunate people, both here in the United States and around the world," he said.
Celebrities are also lending their support of Barefoot Week in hopes of encouraging more participation with the charity's programs. Scarlett Johansson, who previously donated 2000 pairs of new shoes from her own line of Reebok footwear, is lending her name to help raise publicity about Barefoot Week. Other celebrities, such as Antawn Jamison, Jessica Simpson, Brittany Snow, Kellie Pickler, Luke Perry, Riddick Bowe, Arnold Palmer, Tom Watson, Amy Grant, Vince Gill, Chris Hope, Jeff Fisher and Tim Dunn have also voiced their support for the weeklong series of events.
The charity will be handing out a total of 50,000 new shoes to homeless youth and families in need in five U.S. cities: Indianapolis (June 1st), Atlanta (June 2nd), Birmingham (June 3rd), Los Angeles (June 4th and 6th) and Portland (June 5th).
Samaritan's Feet Samaritan’s Feet is a non-profit organization dedicated to changing lives though Shoes of Hope distributions around the world. 300 million people wake up each morning without a pair of shoes to protect their feet from injury and disease. The goal of Samaritan’s Feet is to provide shoes to 10 million of these individuals in the next 10 years by teaching them a biblical story of faith, hope, and love, demonstrating those truths in touching them by washing their feet, and treating them to a new pair of shoes and socks.
From Herald Online Actor Jack Nicholson sent a dozen sneakers and some of his dress shoes after hearing about Samaritan's Feet from his beloved Los Angeles Lakers.
Musicians in the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra performed a concert in their bare feet. Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels held a barefoot news conference.
This month, South Carolina Lt. Gov.Andre Bauer presided over the state Senate in his bare feet to promote the upcoming state project.
First we begin with a sincere “thank you” for your support of Noah’s Wish, we truly appreciate your help; without your on-going assistance, we would find it difficult to help animals affected by disasters.
Given the current economic climate, we know that everyone is looking for the best bargain or some fun and/or entertainment when they spend. With that in mind, we have several innovative fundraising events scheduled for this spring and summer that you may find of interest:
Starting today, May 22, 2009, the Noah’s Wish Art and Book auction begins on eBay. There will be 60 items available to the highest bidder. We have a number of original pieces of artwork and author autographed books that will be sold to the highest bidders.
The auction runs from May 22 through May 31st, take a look at what’s available and bid on those that strike your fancy!
In addition, we will conduct our annual Pet Photo Contest beginning in August. This is where you enter your favorite pet photo for a nominal entry fee and encourage friends and family to vote for the photo. The picture receiving the highest number of votes wins the grand prize! Information regarding the contest will be posted on our website in early August.
Once again, thank you for your continued support.
Please note: Noah’s Wish respects the privacy of our donors/volunteers and does not share or sell its mailing lists.
---------------------------------------- Kate asked... Let’s toss aside the solemnity commanded by the economic shitstorm. Tell me what you lust for. What indulgences, little or big, do you refuse to give up against all good advice? What ridiculous or otherwise wildly irrational object would make your life complete?
I refuse to give up against all good advice... ...my new camera (I will share photos some day, I promise) ...the wii we are saving up for ...havarti cheese ...fashion jewelry (not real expensive stuff) ...candles ...yarn
I'm a simple girl, really. But I have to say, I think my life would be complete if I could afford a minivan with all the fancy schmancy features (mine has crank windows as if I'm living in a 1970s movie). I KNOW my life would be complete with a new Jeep Wrangler (I miss my Jeep...gave it up for a "family car"). ---------------------------------------- My job title should be Assistant Prosecutor/Guidance Counselor. I swear half the problems I deal with are not legal in nature but are, simply put, personality conflicts. ---------------------------------------- M&Ms premiums will soon be available in individual serving sizes rather than just the $7 big size. I LOVE the mint ones.
BTW...if you don't follow The Candy Blog, you really should. ---------------------------------------- Question: If you give a birthday gift that requires a battery charge to a six-going-on-seven kid, do you charge it before you give it to him? Keep in mind that he's receiving said gift at his birthday party and there is a good chance he will want to play with it to the exclusion of his party guests. ---------------------------------------- I'm still irritated about this. ---------------------------------------- This week was crazy busy. One dog had a seizure. One dog had a dental appointment (and diagnosis of thyroid disease). I had a migraine that kept me home from work on Tuesday. Sam had THREE baseball games. Sam and I have been working with a dog at the APL shelter almost every day (Zip's story is in the works). Tonight is tattoo and grocery shopping night (isn't that a weird combination?). Tomorrow is Sam's birthday party. Sunday and Monday are going to be days of rest, gardening, sewing, crocheting, beading, and maybe a little cleaning. I can't wait! ---------------------------------------- I actually did consider dragonflies for my tattoo, but I want something that will remind me of all my boys...and dragonflies really remind me only of the two who aren't here. Never thought I'd say this, but that'd be just too sad to see every day. ---------------------------------------- I caught the boss playing computer solitaire today. It stands to reason that he won't mind my playing Bejeweled Blitz...right? ----------------------------------------
Coworker #1: Yeah, I saw the public defender, Joe, in the hallway. He commented, "I haven't seen you in a while, I take it you had the child then?" I should have looked down and my belly and said, "Oh my gosh...where did it go?"
Coworker #2: No, if you really wanted to screw with him, you should have told him you lost the baby.
(long seconds of uncomfortable silence)
Coworker #2: (looking at me quickly and saying, very quietly) Just kidding.
I know I've done a good job assimilating myself into this new life. I've tried to make my story conversational so that people don't get weird and uncomfortable around me. I still can imagine no realm of existence where THAT would have even been considered funny. Even before, I would not have found that funny...nor would I have expected anyone else to think that was funny.
I'm beginning to think some of the people I work with are just missing critical strands of DNA or something.
I'm doing something my mother doesn't really approve of. But I've waited a reasonable amount of time to make sure I'm not making a spur-of-the-moment decision and, even though I'm nervous, I think I'm ready.
I'm getting a tattoo. Friday.
Now here's my dilemma...the design. Here are my options at this point... I won't tell you which is my favorite because I want an impartial opinion from the internets. So...which do you like?
They can all be altered, so feel free to make suggestions. I want it to be pretty small...but not tiny. Maybe two or three inches across at the biggest point. I also want to work in the colors of the boys' birthstones (or rather, birthstones for Sam & Myles, and what-should-have-been-birthstones for Alex and Travis...so May, June, September, and November).
I toyed with the idea of a celtic heart, but I used that on Alex's headstone and...well...I'm not sure I want the same thing on my person. I want a visible reminder...just not such an in-my-face one, ya know?
I've been thinking about this for, literally, years now. I can't believe it's finally time to do it.
----------------------------------- Does anyone watch Fringe? He DIED when he was six?!?! ----------------------------------- Sam: Sometimes the mommy cow feeds her baby and then has extra milk, so the farmer takes the extra.
Me: That's not true.
Sam: Yes it is.
Me: Well, most of the time, they only produce extra because the farmer gives them medicines that make them make extra milk. And a lot of people think that might not be such a good thing for people to be drinking.
How is this an education? Rainbows and unicorns is not reality. Why aren't they teaching my kid about real life? Is this why I'm so woefully prepared for my own adulthood? ----------------------------------- Sam: Mommy, wouldn't it be nice if there were no laws?
Me (the lawyer): Uh...no.
Sam: But then we wouldn't have to stop at stop lights like on Paradise City.(cousin's xBox360)
Me: Do you know what would happen in real life if you drove like on Paradise City? People would die. We have laws to keep people safe and alive.
I think I owe Tipper Gore an apology. -----------------------------------
Walgreens 9lb bag Kingsford charcoal Watch battery A&W root beer ------------------ FREE! (paid with rebate gift card) Plus savings of $0.60 for the vacation fund
Kmart Three 14kt bead spacers ------------------ Spent $10.86 Saved $23.80
Kmart Spur of the moment stop in for dinner stuff and a few other grocery items. 2liter Diet Pepsi 2liter Diet Dr. Pepper Goldfish crackers Fruit snacks 3 boxes Honey Nut Cheerios Fritos Cheetos Ground Beef 2 bags hamburger buns ------------------ Spent $28.02 Saved $5.00 Giant Eagle Another spur of the moment trip. These kinds of trips will kill the budget if I'm not careful. 12pk Killians Havarti cheese Oliver Soft Red wine Bananas Mikes Hard Berry Double Stuff Oreos ------------------ Spent $40.24 Saved $0.39
CVS 1 Schick Quattro trimmer 6-pack Gatorade Orange 6-pack Gatorade Fruit Punch Bag Doritos CVS Kids sunscreen (no-rub spray) ------------------ Spent $9.76 Saved $29.85 Received $4 ECB back
VistaPrint I want to make a special note of these purchases because they will be tax deductible as a donation to the APL...as well as a good deal. Order #1 1 Car Magnet 250 Business cards 100 postcards 25 business card refrigerator magnets 1 rubber stamp 1 xl tshirt 1 pen ------------------ Spent $18.74 Saved $82.94 Order #2 1 Car Magnet 250 business cards 1 rubber stamp 1 xl tshirt 1 pen ------------------ Spent $16.13 Saved $16.00 Order #3 1 Car window decal 250 business cards 100 postcards 10 large refrigerator magnets 1 rubber stamp 1 note pad 1 sticky note pad 1 xl tshirt ------------------ Spent $16.85 Saved $72.95
All cash donated at Toys“R”Us and Babies“R”Us stores nationwide, online at Toysrus.com/BundledinHope, and through our baby registry fundraising program, along with 100% of all winning bids from the auction of blankets designed by celebrity moms, will be directed to Save the Children as part of the Bundled in Hope campaign.
Save the Children will use funds to purchase baby blankets for children in the most impoverished parts of the United States – such as Appalachia, the Mississippi River Delta, the Gulf Coast, and California’s Central Valley – and provide ongoing support in these regions through a comprehensive early childhood development program.
The program kicked off in conjunction with Mother’s Day and continues through July 11.
Steve walks into the bathroom at the office. He notices there are two water bottles sitting on the counter. He also notices the cleaning person is working in the bathroom.
Steve enters a stall and hears his co-worker, D, emerge from a neighboring stall and ask the cleaning person what happened to his water bottles. The cleaning person apologizes and says he thought they had been left there. The cleaning person then proceeds to reach into the trash and hand the water bottles back to D...who accepts them and leaves the bathroom.
Remind me never ever EVER to shake hands with D should I meet him.
It's always weird the day after the anniversary of the worst day of our lives.
Back to a too-early alarm clock...I'm sooooo tired.
Back to work... Today's work project is to determine who is responsible for paying for autopsies done in a neighboring county, our coroner's office (out of their budget) or our commissioners (out of the county general fund).
Back to blogging... Thank you for all your kindness during this past week. Hell...thank you for all your kindness always. It seems impossible that anyone would want to read what I have to write for one day, let alone four years. But I have met some of the most amazing people through this blog and I consider you friends. I celebrate your victories and mourn your tragedies with you. And I am forever grateful that you share your words with me. I'm quite sure I would not have survived the past four years without you.
Like I said...it's weird. Part Oscar-acceptance speech, part lets-pretend-yesterday-was-just-another-day.
But before I move on entirely for another year, I want to tell you about my amazing husband. I generally get so wrapped up in the business of daily life (you know, dirty socks on the floor...dirty dishes in the sink) that I forget how wonderful he really is and how much I love him. When I rolled over in bed yesterday morning and said, "I just can't do it today," he didn't bat an eyelash before he said, "You want some company?" And just like that, what could have been an awful day turned into something kinder...less jagged around the edges.
He made all the necessary phone calls while I played with our amazing kiddos in our king sized bed. He changed more than one poopy diaper. He grilled burgers for lunch. He took us to Walmart to buy flowers for the cemetery AND home. He took us to Applebee's for dinner. He bought me Mike's Hard Lemonade AND wine for later ("It's a long week...get both."). He did the hard digging work, breaking up the sod, around our sons' headstones. He said I could have the huge TV to watch a "chick flick" any time I wanted it. He tucked me in bed, handed me the remote control, and kissed me so sweetly that even when we agreed, "it's always going to suck," I knew we'd make it ok.
When I said, "Thanks for today...it wasn't too bad," he replied simply, "We did it together."
And I realized...I only cried once during the entire day.
But I remember that Mother's Day four years ago so clearly. Mama Roberto's Italian Restaurant. The pink t-shirt I was wearing. Excusing myself from dinner to go stand outside because I started coughing and couldn't stop. Is that when it happened? Or did he die while I was enjoying my chicken parmigiana? I still can't set foot in that place...and I doubt I ever will be able to again.
I want so much to replay the happy times. But the happy times seem so far away and fuzzy around the edges. Like a dream that you know was good...but you just can't remember the details.
The details of the bad, however, are crystal clear. Why is that?
I look at my beautiful boys here with me and I try not to think of that other life...the one we could have had. It's just too painful. Because the razor sharp images of all that went wrong spring to the front and center and demand attention...when all I really want is one or two good memories of what was right. Like the thought of Mama Roberto's, the details only seem to bring guilt and sadness and unanswered questions. It was a lovely lunch. But unless I concentrate really really hard, that is not what I recall.
I know I'm not supposed to wallow. I KNOW. But Baby Alex brought such happiness to my life once upon a time that I can't help but want to feel a slight glimmer of that again. That's not to say I'm not happy now in my life. I mean, look at my boys...of COURSE I'm happy. It's just a different happy. It's the happy that came AFTER. I just really really really miss the happy that came BEFORE.
I'm rambling. And I apologize for it. There are just so many thoughts and feelings that bleed into one another during these few days each May that I can't compartmentalize...can't quite make sense of. Mother's Day is it's own special hell each year. Smiles and brunch and homemade gifts from smiling children I adore alongside trips to the flower shop and cemetery to visit dead children I long for. How did this become my life? I still can't quite believe it...can't wrap my mind around the horror of everything that happened to us. I see us on that Mother's Day in my memory and I want to scream at us. I'm not sure what I would say, though, because it's all so complicated now.
Yes, I would love to find the uncomplicated happiness that came BEFORE. But that will never happen. There will always be a footnote to explain that I was happy "even though"...or I was happy "despite."
So I'll never go to Mama Roberto's again. I'll miss it, but I think I can be ok with that. In fact, looking at my little family, I'm sure I can be happy with that.
------------------------------------------ I absolutely LOVE Secret Spineless whines...especially when relevant to my life.
Can I copy this one and hang it on the bulletin board at my office? ------------------------------------------
Nearly one in five of the uninsured – 8.5 million people – live in rural areas. Rural residents pay on average for 40% of their health care costs out of their own pocket, compared with the urban share of one-third. In a multi-state survey, one in five insured farmers had medical debt.
I find this interesting given the popular representation of those needing help with medical care as typically being the urban poor. ------------------------------------------ I have spent this past week catching up on blogs I haven't read in weeks, months, and (in some cases) years. In fact, I completely forgot I subscribed to Google Reader for a while and there are a whole bunch of blogs I just don't read anymore. It was weird...kind of like catching up with old friends...kind of like being a peeping tom. ------------------------------------------ I am not a confrontational person. I know...funny stuff for a lawyer. But I try to avoid confrontation as much as possible. So some uncomfortable confrontational business with the Board of Directors I am a member of has got me out of sorts. I'm in the position of telling someone some news they will find unpleasant. It's nothing personal for me...just business. But I KNOW how these things work and I'm terrified of the fallout. (deep breath) I really need to grow up, don't I? ------------------------------------------ Sam: "Some people believe in a lightning Jesus."
Me: (choking on my pecan pie) "What is a lightning Jesus?"
Sam: "A Jesus who throws lightning bolts down through your house like a weapon."
Me: "And who told you this?"
Sam: "Ms. C read it to us from the book she was reading."
Me: "What book was that?"
For the record, the book is I Can Read About Thunder and Lightning, by David Cutts, David Davidson. And the EXACT quote is...
"Long ago, people thought that thunder and lightning were caused by the gods. The ancient Greeks believed there was a fire god who hammered thunderbolts and lightning streaks on his anvil in the heavens. Then he gave them to Zeus, the king of the gods, who hurled them at his enemies."
Sounds about as plausible as all the other stuff I've been taught over the years. ------------------------------------------ Dear co-worker: Your friend who is beaten by her rich boyfriend but "keeps going back to him because he's rich" and because "she seems to like drama in her life" is a victim of abuse. Instead of condemning her choices, why don't you break out of your own comfortable little life and really help her make better choices. Simply telling her to call the Victims of Crime office is like spitting on a raging forest fire.
Oh...and get a freaking clue...you work in a PROSECUTOR'S OFFICE! You should know better. ------------------------------------------ Actual email received at work...
Attached please find the May Risk Management meeting notice. The topic for May is Employee Safety and Violence Prevention, presented by G.... G....., an instructor on Anger Management.
------------------------------------------ And another actual email recieved at work...
I thought everyone may be interested in this information for subsidy on electing health insurance after a posibile lay-off.
The red in my underwear mocks me for all my failings and I want to lay down and weep on the floor of the bathroom.
whispering in my ear...
My coworker is back from maternity leave with tales of her non-sleeping baby.
slipping an arm around my shoulders...
My other coworker asks me how much water you're supposed to drink before an ultrasound.
drawing me close...
I go back through my blog archives as though I'm massaging an scar on my flesh that still aches when the weather is just right.
waiting for me to break down...
Last year I would have closed my office door and let the tears come.
but I am stronger now...
I hope to find distraction in other things.
I think I can plug the holes and dam the tide for now...
I mess up the RSVP details on one of Sam's 7th birthday party invitations when my mind wanders to what kind of flowers I should plant at the cemetery this year.
I don't want to cry...I've wasted enough time on that sort of nonsense...
There are friends who send supportive emails and I hope they understand that I just can't answer right now.
they're gone and they're never coming back...
Keep moving.
I hate this... I hate this... I hate this... I hate this...
I often do shout-outs to my Mom because I know she reads here occasionally. But it seems Dad doesn't get nearly the mention Mom does. I think today is a perfect opportunity (albeit late in the day) to rectify my oversight.
Today is my Dad's birthday. Help me with some birthday wishes, will ya?
Sam's t-ball coach from last year is an assistant coach this year. He and his wife have four beautiful kids...three boys and one girl. They are lovely people and we really like them (we really should invite them over to dinner or something...but with four kids, they rarely have any free time).
Anyway...
At the first baseball game of the season, while sitting innocently in the stands minding my own business, I overheard someone ask how old the daughter was.
The mission of Dress for Success is to promote the economic independence of disadvantaged women by providing professional attire, a network of support and the career development tools to help women thrive in work and in life.
Something I only recently learned about Dress for Success...
To meet the need for services that would help women both find and keep jobs, we established the Professional Women's Group (PWG) program, which offers women ongoing support as they successfully transition into the workforce, build thriving careers and prosper in the mainstream workplace. Once a woman joins the PWG she is a member for life, able to attend meetings at any affiliate throughout the world, and can benefit from additional employment retention and mentoring programs.
Dress for Success also has developed Career Center, an initiative that promotes confidence and professionalism by providing women career guidance, the chance to acquire technology skills and assistance in their job searches.
Another way in which Dress for Success supports women joining or returning to the workforce is through Steps to Success, an initiative that focuses on the crucial first 30 days of employment, during which newly-hired women face many potential challenges. Made possible by the generosity of the National Endowment for Financial Education, the Steps to Success: A Guide to Success in the Workplace publication helps women prepare for their new jobs, identifies barriers they might encounter during their first days, encourages them to plan for their futures and highlights resources that can assist them during this transition, including the Professional Women's Group.
------------------------------------------ The Fisher Price Stride to Ride Walker I bought Sam in 2002 was discontinued in 2006 and is now considered collectible. WTF?!?!
I just need some replacement balls for the darn thing (the dog ate ours). I'm afraid ping pong balls will be too small. ------------------------------------------ Congratulations to Shutter Sisters for winning the Dream Photography Assignment contest. Hope IS more than wishful thinking. ------------------------------------------ It's a simple thing really...squirt some Windex on the windows and wipe. So why am I the only one who seems able to do it? Do I live with idiots? (Don't answer that.) ------------------------------------------ For anyone who wonders what celebrities and Twitter are good for...look at this.
And on Twitter...Hugh Jackman took "favorite charity" suggestions and as a result is donating $50,000 to Charity:Water and $50,000 to Operation of Hope.
Twitter...it's good for something more than just wasting time. ------------------------------------------ Sam woke up with an enthusiastic, "It's May first!" and bounded out of bed to go play. Yes...it's May first. In a week it will be May eighth. And then a few days after that...May eleventh. I rolled over and went back to sleep. ------------------------------------------ Dear MSN...I do not want to look at closeups of people's teeth while reading my emails. Please remove these ads or I may have to change to a different free email service. Thank you! ------------------------------------------ Filed under "Things I never thought I'd say"... "Sam, why is the dining room table tied up?" ------------------------------------------ Busy weekend planned.
Friday...day off with Sam to clean the house and play video games, not necessarily in that order. Maybe a dinner date with the hubster. Must get some birthday and grocery shopping in here somewhere as well.
Saturday...baseball game then home to clean and cook for a Lia Sophia party. I use the term party loosely, as I think about four other people are planning to attend...and one of them is my mom.
Sunday...I'm off to the Maple Festival to sell raffle tickets for the Friends of Womensafe quilt raffle. Then watch the parade with the family at 3pm. Afterwards, I believe we're headed to my parent's house to have an early birthday dinner for my dad (his birthday is the 4th).
See ya on the flip side! ------------------------------------------ And the winners of the candles are... Black Orchid ~ robin_titan Sparkling Amber~ Catherine
Robin...email me with your snail mail address and I will get them out to you ASAP. Catherine...I've got yours already.
Thanks to everyone who reads/comments/supports my sorry a$$ when I need it.
I think I'm going to do more giveaways. This was fun! ------------------------------------------
This romantic fragrance combines exotic amber with hints of cedar, spices, and vanilla.
and
6 Partylite votive candles - Black Orchid scent
Exotic and luxurious, this new scent takes its inspiration from the rare and beautiful Black Orchid flower. The result is an alluring, enticing fragrance with a rich floral flavor.
They are both heavier perfume scents. Lovely...just not my style.
Candles come in original boxes. The boxes were opened just to smell the candles...the candles are brand spanking new.
What do ya think? Anyone interested? If so, leave a comment on this post indicating which scent you are interested in. I will randomly select winners for each scent using my super-secret selection process (slips of paper in a hat).
The hat's too big for the sweater size. The sweater is too simple and boring. The color and style say neither "boy" or "girl." But it's for charity.
The yarn was impossible to work with and I wanted to throw the whole thing out the window on more than one occasion. But I didn't because it's for charity.
The yarn was purchased for Travis. But now it's for charity.
I want to keep it and I can't wait to get it out of my house...all at the same time.
I still have some yarn left from the skein and I don't think I'll be able to do anything else with it...even if it's for charity.
Me: "I wrote that memo on the Z petition. If you could take a quick look at it, I'd appreciate it because it has to get on the agenda soon."
Boss: "I'm leaving for vacation tonight and won't be back until Monday. Why does this stuff always come up like this?"
Me: "Lisa's been out with her mom and stuff has kind of piled up while you were in your murder trial."
What I was REALLY thinking..."Because you take countless vacations...people actually joke about it...you don't keep any of us updated as to your vacation schedule...and...well...this is your JOB?" -------------------------------------
Please help your child find pictures of two items in a magazine, newspaper, or catalog that each cost less than one dollar.
Yeah...right. Do you actually LIVE in that alternate universe of a school or do you visit the real world every now and again?
BTW...Kleenex and discounted plastic easter eggs. Thank you CVS and Joanns. ------------------------------------- Sam: "Yeah, yeah, yeah...I know."
Me: (Thinking how I'd REALLY like to smack that smart alec little face off.) ------------------------------------- Sam: "Uncle Matt said I was invited over to his house..."
Me: "Uh...actually...I think you invited yourself over to his house." ------------------------------------- Coroner: "Well, I just wanted to call you and tell you my side of things, because I don't think it's right."
Me: "I don't worry about sides, I worry about what's legal. I will research this issue and let you know what the law says. Thanks for calling." ------------------------------------- Baby screaming/screeching. Sam crying. Me finding receipts crammed into the checkbook and not entered into the register.
KAT 5 is named after Hurricane Katrina ("KAT" for Katrina), and category 5 storms, symbolizing any disaster. KAT 5 Animal Rescue intervenes to protect animals when a natural or man-made disaster strikes.
--------------------------------------- She's on maternity leave and yet stops into the office now and again to do a little work and, I suspect, get a mental break from the monotony of staying home with the baby. She stops in each co-worker's office to chat a little bit about the baby. Except she seems to pass right by my office. Despite having a toddler at home myself, I only get a "hi." It's weird, because she was fine talking pregnancy stuff with me. I wonder what it is about me... --------------------------------------- Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium...is a fabulous movie!
I remember when it came out and Wendy's or McDonald's was handing out movie themed toys in their kid's meals. Sam got three or four inflatable blimps. I remember this because it was right at the time Myles was born and Sam came to the hospital with one of those blimps and I took a picture of him trying to blow it up. Isn't it funny the silly little things we can remember sometimes?
I didn't have the time or the inclination to see the movie at that time. And I probably wouldn't have liked it much then either. Maybe some of my magic is coming back. I really really hope so. --------------------------------------- Me: Why are you yelling like a maniac?
Sam: Because I want to make sure you hear me...I usually mutter. --------------------------------------- I can't look at black and white photos of babies without thinking of NILMDTS.org. While I love that the service exists...I hate that it has warped the photographic stylings in my brain. --------------------------------------- I hate it when I accidentally publish something before it's done. grrr! --------------------------------------- Susan Boyle. If you don't know the name, look her up on YouTube.
I am disturbed by something I heard on the local radio station this morning regarding her though. "Are we so fascinated with this woman talent because she's not what we would traditionally label as beautiful?" My gut reaction was, "yes...we are that collectively shallow." --------------------------------------- Really, really, really want to get some gardening done. So, naturally, I wake up with a stiff/sore neck and shoulder/back. Irritating. Think I'll load up on Motrin and work it out anyway. --------------------------------------- The baby has learned to screech. Earplugs anyone? ---------------------------------------
Join in the fun of knitting the World's Longest Scarf while helping raise money to fight poverty around the world.
As part of the celebration of the International Year of Natural Fibres, Keep the Fleece in partnership with Heifer International is helping to organize teams around the world to knit sections of the World's Longest Scarf that will all be joined together at the New York Sheep & Wool Festival Oct. 17-18, 2009.
Our goal is to raise $250,000.00 that Heifer Intenational will use to donate fleece-bearing animals of all kinds to needy families all around the world. Heifer not only donates the animals, but provides the necessary training so that the families can nurture and grow their herds and become self-sufficient. (For more information about Heifer, please visit their website, www.heifer.org.
We ask everyone who participates to consider a donation of $1.00 per row knitted/crocheted or $10.00 per inch woven/felted. Keep the Fleece will collect the donations from the teams and pass it on to Heifer.
To get started, follow the links in the menu on the left, and if you have any questions, just click on "Contact Us."
After a couple weeks off, the cupboards were pretty bare around here. And Easter dinner necessitated the first trip to Giant Eagle...So I'm a bit over budget this week. But not too bad...and we are stocked up on toothpaste for a while now. --------------------------------------- Giant Eagle #1 3 2-liters Diet Coke 6-pack Yoplait kids yogurt 2 containers strawberries 6 bakery cupcakes (big splurge) Sugar free Cool Whip
My dear friend Cynthia sent me this lovely "just because" care package. It made me cry it was so lovely. You see, I was up all by myself early on Saturday morning, enjoying a quiet cup of coffee, when I heard the postal carrier drop this lovely box on my side porch. When I opened it, I couldn't help but think of how I first came to know Cynthia. Out of all the awfulness that was 2005 and 2006, the beginning of our friendship stands out as a true blessing. Her kindness (then and now) is inspiring.
Donate to Laura's March of Dimes March for Babies effort...in memory of baby Hans.
It's America's favorite walking event! When you walk, you give hope to the families of babies born too soon or sick. The money you raise supports programs in your community that help moms have healthy, full-term pregnancies. And it funds research to find answers to the serious problems that threaten our babies. We've been walking since 1970 and have raised an incredible $1.8 billion to benefit all babies.
My brother's fiancee was scheduled for a c-section on Thursday but I got a text message from him at 3:45am this morning that said, "OK, so she's coming now I guess."
With bleary eyes and barely functioning fingers, I texted back, "How exciting! Give S our love and call if you need/want anything."
His response cracked me up..."S does not share your enthusiasm."
Yeah...this is the not-so-fun part for her...but it'll be worth it.
I'm drooling over this... Isn't it GORGEOUS?!?! Little Homestead in the City -------------------------------------- Drama seems to follow our little family everywhere. Sam's Little League coach has decided it's not worth the hassle to coach in our league this year (drama with a member of the Board of Directors). He might be able to coach in another local league, but at this point, given the level of difficulty already involved in what should be an EASY activity, I'm doubtful it will happen. Sam's said that if he can't play for Coach Kevin then he doesn't want to play. I'm so glad these idiots are teaching my son such tough life lessons at six years old. Sam had the most insightful comment about it. He said, "Mom...I really wish some adults would just...act like adults!" Out of the mouths of babes. -------------------------------------- Fantasy baseball season is starting! Steve and I have separate teams this year. My goal...just to finish better than his team, The Galactic Senate. Wish me luck! -------------------------------------- I was gone to my first year of college for a couple months when I returned home to see my high school's fall play. Still knowing quite a few of the people in the classes behind mine, I wanted to support my friends. I couldn't even tell you what the show was now, but I remember this one moment following the curtain call when I approached the stage, as was custom, to hug and congratulate the cast and crew. A good friend, B, saw me, jumped down from the stage, and wrapped his arms around me in what was, quite possibly, the best hug I've ever felt. I still remember that hug. I still remember the shock at liking that hug so much. In that brief moment I realized I need people...maybe too much. A couple short months at college and I was literally like a junkie going through withdrawal...for people...MY people...people who knew me and loved me. In that moment I knew that despite what I put out there for everyone to see, I would never be able to survive without intimacy (not necessarily sexual). Yeah, the hard and crusty gal's world was rocked by a simple hug.
Unprovoked by any one incident, I've realized lately that I am feeling that same desperation. Not for a simple hug. Not for anything so easy to diagnose and treat. I miss having a connection with someone that involves more than conversations about poop and/or puke, household chores, and paying bills. I miss that feeling of knowing someone...enjoying their company...enjoying a shared (fun) existence. I miss surprises. I miss being able to just DO something without feeling the stress I imagine comes with the logistical planning for the invasion of a small country (seriously...how is it so complicated to get little people OUT of the D@MN house?!?!). Hell, I miss having the energy to really DO anything. Remember staying up all night and still participating in life the next day? without needing a nap?
And for reasons obvious within my own personal storyline, I miss myself. Though I'm not entirely sure if my internal absence is a result of circumstance or if I deliberately killed that other me bit by bit as some sort of unconscious desire to pay penance for my sins...perceived or real.
I'm tired and frustrated in a lot of areas right now and I don't know what to do about it. It seems wrong to complain about it. It seems wrong to even feel it. But I haven't worn a red dress in so long that I'm not sure that girl ever really existed in me.
Maybe this is what a midlife crisis feels like?
I KNOW this falls into the category of problems some women would love to have and I apologize if you've heard it before and think it enormously self-centered and stupid. -------------------------------------- We hadn't been to a bookstore in a while before Saturday night. Come to think of it, our custom was always to ditch the kid(s) and go wander the shelves by ourselves. In fact, Steve and I wouldn't even really see each other too much while in the bookstore. Talk about a couple of romantics, huh?
Saturday night we discovered how much fun it can be to wander a bookstore WITH the kids. Myles was pretty content to be carried around in the sling...my little observer. He loved the little listening stations in the CD area. And of course, Sam went completely insane with the I-wants and gimmes. Did you know that easy readers are only like $4 each? He got three. Yes, I'm a pushover.
It was fun. And while it cost us a few bucks, I think it's something we'll probably do again. -------------------------------------- No word on the job situation. The only thing I can do at this point is keep working and sending out resumes just in case. This stinks. It really really stinks. -------------------------------------- Posting has been a little slow around here because...well...I've been insanely busy. And because it's "that time of year," I will probably not slow down anytime soon. I need to distract myself...stay busy...avoid the dark emotional pit I feel opening up under my feet. --------------------------------------
OK...Twilight was light and fun. The next two were easy reads as well. But after eleven hours (split up between last night and this morning/afternoon), I just wish I hadn't picked up New Moon at the bookstore.
I don't want to spoil it for anyone. But if you're like me and at all sensitive about the dead baby thing...the complex feelings surrounding pregnancy and loss and motherhood...you may want to steer clear of the last book in the series.
There. Consider yourself warned.
Oh...and the Nora Roberts Pagan Stone trilogy...just...don't. Not unless you have some kind of superhuman emotional strength (which I clearly do not).
Thanks to Donna at eco*noME for the 100 coupon giveaway! I missed a couple weeks of newspapers due to being sick and now I can fill out some of the deals I've wanted! Thank you so much!
Handed down to me in some of my grandmother's sewing stuff were unopened packages of made in the USA Original Rockford Red Heel socks...the authentic sock monkey socks.
I was curious about Fox River Mills, the company who makes these socks. So I naturally Googled them (I actually used the Yahoo search, but I digress...). In cruising their website, I found this little gem and was inspired to make it my cause for this week.
You can send socks and a personalized note of support right here via our website. If you have a soldier you want to support, simply place an order via our website. If the shipping address is an APO or FPO, Fox River will cover the cost of shipping. (Choose Free Option).
If you would like to send socks to a soldier on our wish list, click here to browse the wishlist. You can order the quantity you choose from any wish list. Again, Fox River will cover shipping costs.
I generally like it here. It's your typical rural county with very slow and straight thinking...not backwards but not exactly progressive either. And I can generally accept the way of life around here...I don't necessarily buy into it, but I can accept it without too much mental chafing.
So why am I so irritated by the fact that our library system does not carry a single children's book about evolution? (the entire system...not just our local branch...and yes, there are schools within our library system)
And why does it bother me that browsing the stacks at the local library reveals a special sticker designating "Christian" books?
Words on pages bound up in easy to handle form. Not inherently good or bad. Just books.
So what's the deal? What exactly is the criteria used to determine if something is a "Christian" book? I could mock and ask if it requires a certain number of references to Jesus...but I'm slightly afraid that is, in fact, one of the standards of measure.
And NOTHING about evolution? Really? NOTHING? By ignoring a subject do we make it disappear? Is that what people are hoping?
I may just be making a donation to my local library...very soon.
So now the office will NOT be closed on Fridays. WTF?!?!
With all the bitching and moaning about "government" and "spending" and "blah blah blah," I just WISH people would realize that we're talking about real people's lives here. We're talking about MY LIFE!
I can not live in this limbo forever. I'm so sick of being considered "a possible layoff," as if losing the reference to my humanity makes it just a story...an OK situation. It doesn't and it's not. I'm irritable at the lack of certainty. Yes we can...no we can't...whatever.
And all the while, I'm supposed to be grateful to have a job. Sure there are intangible benefits that do somewhat compensate for the pitiful salary (pennies on the dollar for what colleagues doing the exact same job in much smaller counties are making). But you know what? Intangible benefits won't feed my family.
And if my phone rings and I don't answer it, people feel they can get SNIPPY with me?!?! I'm a public servant and I should be here to serve...and be grateful for it. Because hell..."they pay my salary!"
HA! Just...HA!
I'm feeling a bit like that rubberband you stretch and stretch and stretch...watching the rubber slowly pull apart...jagged bits popping up from what started out as a smooth surface...until finally...
I still haven't sent Lucy's last gift. Sorry 'bout that. We're on the sickness-go-round again. Somebody get me off this crazy thing! Anyway...will get it out to you soon (with a little belated 30th birthday gift in there for you as well).
