Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Don't be so sure...
...there is kindness and empathy in those around you.
...people won't talk behind your back.
...anything good will come out of it.
...you know who your friends are.
...you have nothing to prove.
...your anger is resolved.
...it's going to hurt less.
...there is a God.
There is no such thing as a sure thing.
...people won't talk behind your back.
...anything good will come out of it.
...you know who your friends are.
...you have nothing to prove.
...your anger is resolved.
...it's going to hurt less.
...there is a God.
There is no such thing as a sure thing.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Lipton White Tea
How much do you LOVE this campaign? (make sure you click on the Free Your Y Contest...too fun!)
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Miscellaneous thoughts
I haven't got much to talk about these days. Happily, life has settled into a bit of a routine. I'm reading for pleasure again. I'm crocheting. I'm working on bracelets. I'm hoping to get outside to get some gardening done very soon. I'm taking pictures of my boys. And I've even started scrapbooking again, albeit very slowly. Please excuse the hum-drum-ness of this blog. For those who come by for their daily gawk at the train-wreck that is my emotional state...we'll be back in full swing very soon I'm sure. It's that time of year again. But I, for one, am enjoying hum-drum while I can. :o)
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Sam's Go Diego Go walkie talkies pick up one side of the conversation from someone's two-way radio.
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A little girl got beaned at tball practice and my kind and loving son said, "See, that's why you should be wearing a helmet."
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A client called two days ago to let me know that they "definitely want to appeal the judge's decision." uh...okayyy...what decision?
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Myles' Ocean Wonders Aquarium can be turned on/off with the volume control on our television remote controls.
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At Sam's tball practice, a young boy with his grandma pointed at me and said excitedly, "Look at that, she has the same shirt as you!"
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Got that appeal business figured out...65 copies later it's actually filed properly (12 pages each copy...of the exact same filing...don't ask).
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Why, oh why, did I make chocolate chip muffins?!?!
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Oh...yeah...and a big thank you to my husband for the laugh last night while watching LOST. We haven't had a good honest spontaneous laugh like that in a while.
Ding Dong!
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----------------------------------
Sam's Go Diego Go walkie talkies pick up one side of the conversation from someone's two-way radio.
----------------------------------
A little girl got beaned at tball practice and my kind and loving son said, "See, that's why you should be wearing a helmet."
----------------------------------
A client called two days ago to let me know that they "definitely want to appeal the judge's decision." uh...okayyy...what decision?
----------------------------------
Myles' Ocean Wonders Aquarium can be turned on/off with the volume control on our television remote controls.
----------------------------------
At Sam's tball practice, a young boy with his grandma pointed at me and said excitedly, "Look at that, she has the same shirt as you!"
----------------------------------
Got that appeal business figured out...65 copies later it's actually filed properly (12 pages each copy...of the exact same filing...don't ask).
----------------------------------
Why, oh why, did I make chocolate chip muffins?!?!
----------------------------------
Oh...yeah...and a big thank you to my husband for the laugh last night while watching LOST. We haven't had a good honest spontaneous laugh like that in a while.
Ding Dong!
----------------------------------
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
sigh
It seems as though the big companies are doing more than ok on our $3.59 a gallon.
Who said war isn't good for business?
Wonder if they'd let me park one of these at the courthouse...
Who said war isn't good for business?
Wonder if they'd let me park one of these at the courthouse...
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Another day closer
I can feel it coming.
Every single day toward...what?
I'm not sure how to say it.
Certainly not a celebration.
Not a lot of things.
But something...worth the pain remembering brings.
Blue skies and yellow daffodils.
I can't wear brown pants because they remind me.
How do I plan for it?
The moving-on has happened all around me.
I pulled the wreath from the earth...drawing the stand legs out of the mud with a silent wish.
But there was only the same silence as from the beginning.
In my head I rearrange my house and realize my bed stands where the crib was supposed to be with a baby boy who never came home.
Today we set up the new room for the baby boy who did come home.
He sleeps in the same crib in a different spot.
And I weep.
Every single day toward...what?
I'm not sure how to say it.
Certainly not a celebration.
Not a lot of things.
But something...worth the pain remembering brings.
Blue skies and yellow daffodils.
I can't wear brown pants because they remind me.
How do I plan for it?
The moving-on has happened all around me.
I pulled the wreath from the earth...drawing the stand legs out of the mud with a silent wish.
But there was only the same silence as from the beginning.
In my head I rearrange my house and realize my bed stands where the crib was supposed to be with a baby boy who never came home.
Today we set up the new room for the baby boy who did come home.
He sleeps in the same crib in a different spot.
And I weep.
Miscellaneous thoughts
(written over the course of a few days)
----------------------------------------
My aunt is in the hospital with unexplained "lesions" on her brain, behind her lung, and on her spleen. At first they thought she had a stroke...but the MRI turned out normal. They apparently keep asking if she's been to the southwest or Mexico recently. We're not close, but I can't help but worry about her. Weird infections seem to enjoy having their way with our family.
----------------------------------------
For so long, my office was filled with the muffled sounds of my own crying. These days I can't help but smile because my office is filled with the scream-to-the-rooftops sound of my son's voice. Sure, there are days when I wish he would nap so I could get work done. But I will never never wish the sound away. I've been there...and this is much better.
----------------------------------------
There is little in my job responsibilities that I care about as much as the work I do for Adult Protective Services. As with child services, however, it can be very frustrating work. Reluctantly, I attended a conference this morning with Paul Greenwood as the keynote speaker. It was life-changing. I'm ready to start some real work helping people instead of preparing for nuisance trials that never happen. I am most excited about the prospect of working more closely with another colleague in the criminal division of my office on elder abuse cases. I think we could be a good team and really create some change. I'll keep you posted if anything exciting happens on that front.
----------------------------------------
A horse has FOUR feet. So when I ask how the horses' feet are...it is implied that I mean ALL FOUR feet...on each horse. OK? OK.
----------------------------------------
My mom had a lovely bottle of soft red wine at the holidays that I just loved. I'm not much of a wine connoisseur, so when I find something I like, I tend to take note. Oliver Winery, just outside of Bloomington, Indiana has quite a wine list. And though they don't ship mail order out of state, you can find some of their wines through out of state distributors. Thankfully, the Ohio distributor sells to Super Walmart. I'm a happy happy girl tonight.
----------------------------------------
PS2 Lego Star Wars is a great way to bond with your five year old son. I'm just saying.
----------------------------------------
ABC's series Eli Stone is beautiful and fabulous and wonderful. Lawyers, George Michael, and God...what could be better? I really hope they renew it for next season.
----------------------------------------
Personal avatars...why are they so much fun to play around with?
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Up many many times last night. So tired today. Cranky. Really really cranky. Don't want to clean or cook. Hung up the bathroom shade. Hung up the curtains in Myles' room and made the room somewhat usable (as opposed to storage space). Indians lost. Played PS2 with Sam. Going to have grilled cheese and beer and then go to bed early. It was a good day.
----------------------------------------
----------------------------------------
My aunt is in the hospital with unexplained "lesions" on her brain, behind her lung, and on her spleen. At first they thought she had a stroke...but the MRI turned out normal. They apparently keep asking if she's been to the southwest or Mexico recently. We're not close, but I can't help but worry about her. Weird infections seem to enjoy having their way with our family.
----------------------------------------
For so long, my office was filled with the muffled sounds of my own crying. These days I can't help but smile because my office is filled with the scream-to-the-rooftops sound of my son's voice. Sure, there are days when I wish he would nap so I could get work done. But I will never never wish the sound away. I've been there...and this is much better.
----------------------------------------
There is little in my job responsibilities that I care about as much as the work I do for Adult Protective Services. As with child services, however, it can be very frustrating work. Reluctantly, I attended a conference this morning with Paul Greenwood as the keynote speaker. It was life-changing. I'm ready to start some real work helping people instead of preparing for nuisance trials that never happen. I am most excited about the prospect of working more closely with another colleague in the criminal division of my office on elder abuse cases. I think we could be a good team and really create some change. I'll keep you posted if anything exciting happens on that front.
----------------------------------------
A horse has FOUR feet. So when I ask how the horses' feet are...it is implied that I mean ALL FOUR feet...on each horse. OK? OK.
----------------------------------------
My mom had a lovely bottle of soft red wine at the holidays that I just loved. I'm not much of a wine connoisseur, so when I find something I like, I tend to take note. Oliver Winery, just outside of Bloomington, Indiana has quite a wine list. And though they don't ship mail order out of state, you can find some of their wines through out of state distributors. Thankfully, the Ohio distributor sells to Super Walmart. I'm a happy happy girl tonight.
----------------------------------------
PS2 Lego Star Wars is a great way to bond with your five year old son. I'm just saying.
----------------------------------------
ABC's series Eli Stone is beautiful and fabulous and wonderful. Lawyers, George Michael, and God...what could be better? I really hope they renew it for next season.
----------------------------------------
Personal avatars...why are they so much fun to play around with?
----------------------------------------
Up many many times last night. So tired today. Cranky. Really really cranky. Don't want to clean or cook. Hung up the bathroom shade. Hung up the curtains in Myles' room and made the room somewhat usable (as opposed to storage space). Indians lost. Played PS2 with Sam. Going to have grilled cheese and beer and then go to bed early. It was a good day.
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Wednesday, April 16, 2008
A game of chicken for lawyers
No trial.
Case voluntarily dismissed by the Plaintiff.
He blinked first, which is good.
But now I have to stay home to do work that's been piling up while I prepared for the trial that he had no intention of going forward with.
God, I hate lawyers.
But at least I got out of jury duty.
Case voluntarily dismissed by the Plaintiff.
He blinked first, which is good.
But now I have to stay home to do work that's been piling up while I prepared for the trial that he had no intention of going forward with.
God, I hate lawyers.
But at least I got out of jury duty.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Why I shouldn't watch TV
We watched the last of our DVRd episodes of Las Vegas (NBC) last night. We had heard the show was canceled without a real conclusion/wrap-up/finale, so we were intrigued to see "the end."
Now I am...I don't know...disturbed.
Seven months pregnant, Delinda doubles over in pain, says the ever-popular-made-for-tv-line, "Something's wrong...the baby...", sees blood, looks up to see a blurry vision of her fiance, calls his name, and...
[CUT TO BLACK]
to be continued
And that's it. That's where they're going to leave it. Forever.
I had nightmares last night. (sigh)
Now I am...I don't know...disturbed.
Seven months pregnant, Delinda doubles over in pain, says the ever-popular-made-for-tv-line, "Something's wrong...the baby...", sees blood, looks up to see a blurry vision of her fiance, calls his name, and...
[CUT TO BLACK]
to be continued
And that's it. That's where they're going to leave it. Forever.
I had nightmares last night. (sigh)
Friday, April 11, 2008
Miscellaneous thoughts
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I deleted The Shape of a Mother from my blogroll after reading this entry. I hate how it makes me feel. I hate that I can't feel like a superhero. I hate that I'm afraid I'll never again feel comfortable in my own skin.
--------------------------------
The spring brings with it my own special torture. As the sunshine warms and the skies clear, I am reminded of those hopeful days three years ago. There are moments that I cannot let go of...sensations so clear that I feel like I can reach out and experience them again. Sensory memory. It can bring me to tears and ruin a perfectly beautiful spring day.
--------------------------------
Did you see the story of how the International Breast Milk Project saved the life of a preemie baby in Pittsburgh after her mother passed away? (Warning...you'll need Kleenex.)
The Madison Cassady Program is especially interesting to me. I wish I had known about it three years ago when I lost Alex.
--------------------------------
Speaking of breastmilk...
The stress of an upcoming jury trial does a real number on supply. I hope against hope that I can just have nurse-a-thon weekend and recover some of what we need. Keep your fingers crossed for us.
--------------------------------
I'm de-stressing by moving music to my cell phone MP3 player. I'm just now realizing how much I've missed my tunes. It's amazing how relaxing it can be to hear familiar music.
--------------------------------
A friend made a donation to the MOM Project in honor of her friend's baby, and I was able to mail out another batch of bracelets (including one to her friend). There is a certain beauty in the cyclical nature of this sadness and lifting up.
--------------------------------
I'm spending quite a bit of time volunteering for NILMDTS and I'm really enjoying it. Maybe someday I'll be brave enough to get serious about learning photography. I have a couple of friends who are really good photographers...maybe I'll ask them for some reading recommendations to get me started.
--------------------------------
Sam is playing t-ball. Next to soccer, I have never seen anything so adorable in all my life. All those munchkins trying to remember which way to run on the bases is just a great way to spend an hour of my time. I must remember to get some video soon.
--------------------------------
My husband put a pizza receipt in the checkbook...sauce and all. Lovely.
--------------------------------
I deleted The Shape of a Mother from my blogroll after reading this entry. I hate how it makes me feel. I hate that I can't feel like a superhero. I hate that I'm afraid I'll never again feel comfortable in my own skin.
--------------------------------
The spring brings with it my own special torture. As the sunshine warms and the skies clear, I am reminded of those hopeful days three years ago. There are moments that I cannot let go of...sensations so clear that I feel like I can reach out and experience them again. Sensory memory. It can bring me to tears and ruin a perfectly beautiful spring day.
--------------------------------
Did you see the story of how the International Breast Milk Project saved the life of a preemie baby in Pittsburgh after her mother passed away? (Warning...you'll need Kleenex.)
The Madison Cassady Program is especially interesting to me. I wish I had known about it three years ago when I lost Alex.
--------------------------------
Speaking of breastmilk...
The stress of an upcoming jury trial does a real number on supply. I hope against hope that I can just have nurse-a-thon weekend and recover some of what we need. Keep your fingers crossed for us.
--------------------------------
I'm de-stressing by moving music to my cell phone MP3 player. I'm just now realizing how much I've missed my tunes. It's amazing how relaxing it can be to hear familiar music.
--------------------------------
A friend made a donation to the MOM Project in honor of her friend's baby, and I was able to mail out another batch of bracelets (including one to her friend). There is a certain beauty in the cyclical nature of this sadness and lifting up.
--------------------------------
I'm spending quite a bit of time volunteering for NILMDTS and I'm really enjoying it. Maybe someday I'll be brave enough to get serious about learning photography. I have a couple of friends who are really good photographers...maybe I'll ask them for some reading recommendations to get me started.
--------------------------------
Sam is playing t-ball. Next to soccer, I have never seen anything so adorable in all my life. All those munchkins trying to remember which way to run on the bases is just a great way to spend an hour of my time. I must remember to get some video soon.
--------------------------------
My husband put a pizza receipt in the checkbook...sauce and all. Lovely.
--------------------------------
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Audrey Caroline
I have my own issues.
But I know something about the pain.
If you are so inclined, please send the Smith family a note.
Surround them with love and, if you are the praying kind, prayers.
Angie and Todd Smith (and Ellie, Abby & Kate)
PMB 210
8161 Hwy 100
Nashville, TN 37221
But I know something about the pain.
If you are so inclined, please send the Smith family a note.
Surround them with love and, if you are the praying kind, prayers.
Angie and Todd Smith (and Ellie, Abby & Kate)
PMB 210
8161 Hwy 100
Nashville, TN 37221
Two men and a baby
Today, I took a giant step for working mothers everywhere.
OK...so it wasn't as dramatic as all that...but it was something for someone like me who always follows all "the rules."
As I sat in the conference room and listened to Myles scream inconsolably upstairs in the office area, I thought to myself, "What the hell am I doing?" I excused myself, went upstairs, changed a dirty diaper, and brought my little munchkin with me to my meeting with opposing counsel...and my boss.
Things have been said during the course of the past four months. Like, "If he's quiet, you could probably bring him until he's two years old and the boss won't notice or care." Like, "I'm so impressed...you're like superwoman." Like, "I don't know how you do it." Blah. Blah. Blah. Today they got a lesson in my reality.
Screaming baby slung over my shoulder, I marched down to the conference room and continued my business as though nothing was out of the ordinary. The amazing thing was...so did they.
I'm working hard here. I'm tired. And I hope they both go home and kiss their wives' feet.
And a special thank you goes out to my coworker who took Myles for a walk in his stroller...two seconds into which he promptly fell asleep.
Yep...this is how you do it. You let go of any and all delusions that you're a good attorney...a good employee...a good mother...a good wife...a good anything. You accept help where it is offered. And you just do your best. And if your best means you bring your screaming baby to your settlement negotiations...then that's what you do.
Oh...and give up any hope of eating lunch before 3:30pm.
Have I mentioned I'm tired?
OK...so it wasn't as dramatic as all that...but it was something for someone like me who always follows all "the rules."
As I sat in the conference room and listened to Myles scream inconsolably upstairs in the office area, I thought to myself, "What the hell am I doing?" I excused myself, went upstairs, changed a dirty diaper, and brought my little munchkin with me to my meeting with opposing counsel...and my boss.
Things have been said during the course of the past four months. Like, "If he's quiet, you could probably bring him until he's two years old and the boss won't notice or care." Like, "I'm so impressed...you're like superwoman." Like, "I don't know how you do it." Blah. Blah. Blah. Today they got a lesson in my reality.
Screaming baby slung over my shoulder, I marched down to the conference room and continued my business as though nothing was out of the ordinary. The amazing thing was...so did they.
I'm working hard here. I'm tired. And I hope they both go home and kiss their wives' feet.
And a special thank you goes out to my coworker who took Myles for a walk in his stroller...two seconds into which he promptly fell asleep.
Yep...this is how you do it. You let go of any and all delusions that you're a good attorney...a good employee...a good mother...a good wife...a good anything. You accept help where it is offered. And you just do your best. And if your best means you bring your screaming baby to your settlement negotiations...then that's what you do.
Oh...and give up any hope of eating lunch before 3:30pm.
Have I mentioned I'm tired?
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Love my camera
Look at what I captured today...
Do you see the little dog in the background licking her chops? LOL!
I call this one, "Boys will be boys." What's he doing, you ask? Digging a hole for no other reason than the pure pleasure of digging a hole. And yes, he's wearing a pullover sweater and shorts. He dressed himself. I give him full credit for that fashion statement.
Of course there has to be a Myles pic. He was not so sure about the big ball of brightness in the sky. A northeast Ohio winter baby has to be reassured that the sunshine is a good thing...it's so rare to see it before May around here, it can be frightening.
And look what popped up practically overnight! I so badly wanted to get out and do some gardening. Sadly, I had too much laundry to do to get out and dig around. But I will...SOON. It's supposed to be in the 60s all week!
Do you see the little dog in the background licking her chops? LOL!
I call this one, "Boys will be boys." What's he doing, you ask? Digging a hole for no other reason than the pure pleasure of digging a hole. And yes, he's wearing a pullover sweater and shorts. He dressed himself. I give him full credit for that fashion statement.
Of course there has to be a Myles pic. He was not so sure about the big ball of brightness in the sky. A northeast Ohio winter baby has to be reassured that the sunshine is a good thing...it's so rare to see it before May around here, it can be frightening.
And look what popped up practically overnight! I so badly wanted to get out and do some gardening. Sadly, I had too much laundry to do to get out and dig around. But I will...SOON. It's supposed to be in the 60s all week!
Township for sale...cheap
SHIT!
This expansion will land a giant pile of trash in my back yard...literally.
Though I never imagined I'd be doing pro bono work for myself, I am now incredibly thankful to have spent the last five years learning zoning law.
This expansion will land a giant pile of trash in my back yard...literally.
Though I never imagined I'd be doing pro bono work for myself, I am now incredibly thankful to have spent the last five years learning zoning law.
Friday, April 04, 2008
Listen to the kid
Back in August we got a school district calendar that specifically designated which kindergarten class is in session each and every Friday for the entire school year (M/W and every other Friday or T/R and every other Friday).
Late last night, Sam tells me that his teacher told the class that the calendar was "wrong, wrong, wrong" and that he had school on Friday despite the M/W designation on today's calendar block.
He's told me he was sure he had school before and he's been wrong, so I assumed that was the case here. So I didn't listen to him and we had a glorious sleep-in this morning (even Myles slept).
Guess who called while we were sleeping? Guess what the message said? Guess who had a misprint in their calendar? Guess who had a giant clusterf*ck this morning at school with kids showing up who had the day off and kids not showing up who were supposed to be there? Guess who had school today?
And the secretary I finally spoke to on the telephone? She tells me that the Principal sent out a letter explaining the mixup and alerting us to the change needed on the calendar. We got no such letter. It was either in the snail mail and we didn't notice it or it was "sent home" with Sam and he lost it. Either way...piss poor administration if you ask me.
Sam didn't want to go, I'm still tired and now have a headache, Myles is feeling crappy because he got shots yesterday, and it's raining. We're all staying home for the day. But next time I will listen to the kid.
Late last night, Sam tells me that his teacher told the class that the calendar was "wrong, wrong, wrong" and that he had school on Friday despite the M/W designation on today's calendar block.
He's told me he was sure he had school before and he's been wrong, so I assumed that was the case here. So I didn't listen to him and we had a glorious sleep-in this morning (even Myles slept).
Guess who called while we were sleeping? Guess what the message said? Guess who had a misprint in their calendar? Guess who had a giant clusterf*ck this morning at school with kids showing up who had the day off and kids not showing up who were supposed to be there? Guess who had school today?
And the secretary I finally spoke to on the telephone? She tells me that the Principal sent out a letter explaining the mixup and alerting us to the change needed on the calendar. We got no such letter. It was either in the snail mail and we didn't notice it or it was "sent home" with Sam and he lost it. Either way...piss poor administration if you ask me.
Sam didn't want to go, I'm still tired and now have a headache, Myles is feeling crappy because he got shots yesterday, and it's raining. We're all staying home for the day. But next time I will listen to the kid.
I need a keeper
The other day, I bought some new underwear for that in-between stage my body is in now. I wore one of those new pair yesterday.
I went to Cleveland for a professional seminar...
went out to lunch with colleagues...
went home...
took Myles to the pediatrician for his checkup...
(15lbs 14ozs and 25.5inches...doctor already pushing feeding solids...but we'll talk about that later)...
went to Walgreen's...
...and took the family to my parents' house for my mom's Partylite party.
At the end of the party, I excused myself to go to the bathroom only to discover I had been wearing the "Our most comfortable waistband ever" sticker all day on my unmentionables.
I went to Cleveland for a professional seminar...
went out to lunch with colleagues...
went home...
took Myles to the pediatrician for his checkup...
(15lbs 14ozs and 25.5inches...doctor already pushing feeding solids...but we'll talk about that later)...
went to Walgreen's...
...and took the family to my parents' house for my mom's Partylite party.
At the end of the party, I excused myself to go to the bathroom only to discover I had been wearing the "Our most comfortable waistband ever" sticker all day on my unmentionables.
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