Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I'm normal as not to bury the lead...Little Bug is still alive.

The nurse said I can come in every week if need which time I sobbed.

I had what was possibly the longest cant-find-the-heartbeat-with-the-damn-doppler session EVER...during which I cried but did not sob.

Waited what-seemed-like-forever-but-was-really-two-minutes for Dr. A to come do an ultrsound...sobbed again when asked how I was doing.

Took a little too long to find the little booger with the ultrasound (I couldn't look at first)...but s/he was there...heart beating away. Dr. A used the u/s doppler so I could hear it...just to reassure me that it was really there and doing ok.

I must have apologized 20 times. He said it was ok...I can come in every week if I have to. He said that in most normal pregnancies, there is a honeymoon period where you don't "feel pregnant." We had a sick laugh at that. Normal. Me? Well I guess there is a first time for everything, huh?

And then I was that woman again...walking through the waiting room with red rimmed eyes. But this time it was all ok.

How did I become this person? Never mind...I know how it happened. Giant mindfuck is the PERFECT description. Maybe I should add that as a label for these types of crazy blog posts.


Choofy Mama said...

I am glad everything is ok-even if it's just today.

Giant mindfuck. best description of stillbirth/deadbabies ever. Glad your doc and nurses rock <3

serenity said...

Choofy Mama said everything I would have, too.

Hang in there.


marcia said...

Did you feel a giant breeze coming off the lake in your direction about 30 seconds ago? That was me exhaling, in Michigan, after holding my breath all night long! So glad you went in, and Dr. A and staff treated you so well while you waited for Little Bug to beat happily on the screen! Remember that advice someone gave you a few years ago....just keep breathing, C. Hoping and praying for many more views of a gradually growing heart, beating in an a wondrously developing perfect little body over the months ahead!

niobe said...

Phew. I know what you mean. Omigosh do I know what you mean.

kate said...

Good news! Yes, whew. I'm glad you went in to check.

Shanna said...

Great news! Little Bug is so lucky to have so many people looking out for "her", my prediction there. Keep us posted on next week's ultrasound. ;)

Kathy McC said...

I am glad you went, too. Sounds like you're working with some great docs/nurses.


msfitzita said...

I'm glad you went too, and I could hug the staff for telling you it's fine to come in every week if you want. I love, love, love people who make an effort to try make it even the tiniest bit easier for you.

And YAY for a wiggly bug with a tick-tocky little heart!


Yo-yo Mama said...

Who is to say what is normal?? Screw that.

Honeymoon phase in pregnancy: what's that? Crazy doctor.

Pipsylou said...

giant mindfuck. yes, yes, yes. funny that I just used that word to describe it all to a friend yesterday.


the honeymoon phase in my pregnancies is when the f*&#ing thing is OVER. ;)

we're walking you through this, every step of the way.

Jillian said...

Excellent news and don't be apologetic about the crazy especially to your medical team - they know all the whats and whys of your reactions((hugs))

Rosepetal said...

I'm glad all is okay and that you went in and that they understood.

Jelly-Filled said...