Sunday, January 06, 2008

No need to explain

I had this long blog post typed up about why I feel like I need to do things the way I'm doing them. It was filled with explanations and pleas for understanding. I deleted it.

I've always done that...sought approval for what I'm doing and how I'm doing it. I find it very difficult to live my life without someone telling me what a good job I'm doing. I thrive on positive reinforcement and literally feel sick to my stomach when I think someone disapproves or is disappointed in me in the slightest.

I'm over that now.

I'm doing what I'm doing with my kids and my job for my own reasons...and I'll make it work somehow. That doesn't mean I won't complain about it. That doesn't mean I won't delve into self-pity every now and again and be completely and totally envious of the male half of our species who don't have to worry about this stuff simply because they don't have the boobs.

But it is what it is. I'm not superwoman and I'm not trying to be. People are just going to have to understand. And if they don't...well...so be it.

Right now, I need to focus on more important matters. Like how we have six inches of snow on the ground, but there are still mosquitoes living in my house. Seriously. What the frick frack is that about?

4 comments:

Marcia said...

Yes, Catherine! Your life, your priorities! You and Steve are doing what you know is best for your family, and you will continue to make the adjustments you find necessary to accomplish that. And it is a given that there will just be some days that you will need to write off, dive into bed exhausted at the end of them, and be thankful that the next day is a new start. Anyone who thinks they are being helpful by criticizing your game plan, might benefit from a chilly dip in Lake Erie! I hope you don't see this tonight, because you have already crawled into bed!
I wonder if your mosquitoes have any connection with the two nervy big black ANTS on my bathroom counter (bathroom, not kitchen, thank goodness..but weird!) the other day! Did someone forget to tell them it is Winter in North country??

Monica said...

This post is cryptic and it appears you want it to be that way. I don't really know what to say but in the end the only person you have to answer to is yourself and your children so do what feels right to you. You are doing a hell of a job I'm sure.

Aurelia said...

You don't have to explain. I know you need to do things this way.

I think I commented with some assvice, mainly because I can't believe you guys are doing all this, so fast after giving birth. And yes, I admire it so much, I kind of do view you as superwoman!

Of course, with all you do, I already viewed you as superwoman, so maybe it's got nothing to do with going back to work. I'm just one of the people rooting for you to succeed!!

Julia said...

i missed this whole thing, but I want to say, hell yeah! No explanations. This is what's right for your family, and that's what you have to do. End of discussion.