I remember the last day I felt beautiful. I remember it like it was yesterday and a million years ago all at the same time. I was wearing the softest pink tshirt. I remember the texture, soft and smooth, as I rubbed my swollen belly. I remember the smile that touched my lips as I felt my second child kick in return. I remember my hair looked good and my fingernails were neat and painted pink to match my shirt. I remember the sunshine. I remember it was all beautiful. I was beautiful.
But something happened when that child died inside me. Something ugly. Those beautiful feelings are gone. I have no interest in hair or nailpolish. I could care less what clothes I'm wearing. I feel nothing but revulsion when I rub my belly now. None of it is beautiful. None of ME is beautiful.
I miss feeling beautiful. But some nailpolish and a pretty dress will only dress up this ugly. I doubt there is anything that can truly bring the beautiful back.