Friday, January 12, 2007

Miscellaneous thoughts

There are places I can not go. People I can not talk to. Things I can not see. Thoughts I can not think.

All because of this thing that I am now. I am ugly because this thing is ugly. This thing that I carry around with me every single step that I take.

Some people are better than others at dealing with it...with me. Some ignore it well. Some acknowledge it and move on. Some openly stare, whether with their eyes or within their minds...examining me...examining this thing...wondering who I am now.

Yes it is a part of me now. Like the happiness of Samuel's birth, the terror of Alex's and Travis' is part of my story. And who are we but our stories?

There is no way to shake it off, no way to cut it from my soul. It just is.

So there will always be places I can not go. People I can not talk to. Things I can not see. Thoughts I can not think.
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Yes, I have an obsession with religion and all things supernatural. I choose to think of myself as being on a spiritual journey of sorts. Other people may just think I'm annoying. C'est la vie.
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A pre-Oscar interview show that sounds worth watching. And not just because Russell is being interviewed.
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Beginning, middle, and end...that's how it goes. But maybe not. Thoughts for another, deeper, day.
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Does it bother anyone else that BEAUTIFUL women keep showing up on the show Ugly Betty?
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I'm tired. And I have so much to do this weekend. I have to pay bills, clean the kitchen, and do laundry. I still have to clean out the sitting area/hallway upstairs so I can paint...and then lay flooring. It must be substantially completed this weekend so the contractors can finish the trim before disappearing forever. Also on the home renovation front, the new steel support beam is up in the living room and the ceiling has been fully constructed, taped and mudded. Pictures will be uploaded to flickr eventually. I think I am going to go home and take a nap, regardless of the work that needs done. Tah tah!
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And finally...I have been invited to Beta! Is this a good or a bad thing?
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2 comments:

Anonymous said...

BETA = bad.

"So there will always be places I can not go. People I can not talk to. Things I can not see. Thoughts I can not think."

This is beautiful in it's power.

Jill said...

I think we are all on a spiritual journey. Most of us ignore it by not claiming any faith or hiding in church or behind science. To ask the questions you do opens a massive can of worms and chances are we won't like the answers.

It is easiest to think we will either go to heaven or that there is nothing. Anyway. I think it takes courage to do what you do in exploring the possibilities.

Ok. Well good luck with all the housework:)