Wednesday, December 20, 2006

oh boy

I found myself in a weird predicament the other day while shopping at Super Walmart. Steve and Sam were acting absolutely atrociously together, so I sent them off to find something (can't remember what) while I proceeded on to the grocery section of the store. Of course, this led me directly guessed it...the BABY section. Yee haw!

So I took a deep breath and steeled myself for the onslaught as I pushed my cart as fast as I could down the aisle that would lead me to the paper products (we were in desperate need of toilet paper). I prayed nobody would step out in front of me because I didn't want to (a) mow anyone down, and (b) slow down or...heaven forbid...stop.

But, as luck would have it, as I approached the baby section, a family with a newborn baby girl (wrapped from head to toe in pink, so I hope it was a girl...) stepped out to look at the perfect little Christmas dresses.

I slowed down.

I stopped.

I looked.

And there was the cutest little baby blue outfit with Christmas trains all over it. Onesies and pants and hats...mix and match...and on sale.

Oh God.

I had an almost irresistable urge to pick up an outfit and put it in my cart.

Huh? Wha? Have I lost my freaking mind? Our baby is dead and we don't need any cute little Christmas outfits!

When I met up with Steve and Sam again later, I told Steve about the outfits but I didn't tell him I almost bought one. I half hoped he would ask to go back and look at them himself...I hoped he would say, "So why don't you buy one?" But of course, he didn't.

Our baby is dead and we don't need any cute little Christmas outfits.

Our baby is dead and we don't need Christmas pictures.

Our baby is dead and we don't need a Baby's 1st Christmas ornament.

Our baby is dead and we're supposed to celebrate the miracle birth of someone else's baby.

Our BABIES are dead and we're supposed to celebrate the miracle birth of someone else's baby.

Merry Christmas.

Fake it till ya make it and all that.


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I've had that urge before too--for me it was just the urge to recognize my daughter and the urge to mother her even though she isn't here. Just because she died doesn't mean I don't want to do all the things I should have gotten to do with her.

I wish you hadn't encountered a Wal-Mart land mine. And it's seems especially hard right now when you are bombarded with perfectly whole, perfectly happy families and so much "cheer" it makes you want to vomit.

Hang in there. I'm thinking of you.

R said...

I'm impressed you got Christmas cards out this year. You're doing a good job faking it, Catherine. Just don't do it for our sakes.

Tendersoul said...

~hugs~ to you, Catherine.

V said...

Shopping is bad enough at this time of year without having to see all the new babies and people buying baby stuff. I also keep getting the urge to buy pink clothes. My SIL just had a baby girl and I was able to kind of satisfy that urge by buying her some clothes. It was difficult to send them to her though.
Also faking it.

Mrs. Fun said...

well FUCK! (tryng to sum it up with little words)
Big cyber hugs, Kate.