Dear Universe

It would REALLY help if you would play along with my Fake It Until You Make It holiday campaign. I mean, really...a bomb threat? Is that all you got? Bring it on!

No...I do not make this stuff up. I took in a deep breath and ventured out to finish up my Christmas shopping. I went to Walmart to pick up a couple things I was unable to purchase with Sam with me (Santa fills the stockings as a surprise, after all). As I was approaching the registers and announcement was made over the PA system that everyone was to leave the building. No explanations, but it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what was going on (though the Walmart employees were woefully uninformed about what was happening and were overheard, on more than one occasion, saying that they had absolutely no idea what was going on and that management doesn't tell them anything.).

Seriously. As if enduring the happy holiday crowd and listening to piped in Christmas music doesn't take enough effort to leave me bone-tired weary at the end of a trip, a bomb threat...well...I just don't know what to say.

I intended to stick around and complete my purchases. I did, after all, leave my cart at checkout 17 and could easily return to pay. But the friendly township fireman (who I did not recognize...he must be new...but he was cute...I must introduce myself) started checking cars in the parking lot the way one would do if they were, oh, say, checking for a car bomb. I figured the stocking stuffers weren't worth it at that point. Though I did have a moment of thinking that maybe I should go get a milkshake at the nearby Steak N Shake and hope that a bomb blew up the minivan that I hate. But my need to actually drive home and not be stuck with only one car again overroad my desire to blow up my minivan (hey, we all have our priorities).

As an aside...I will be in my boss' office in the morning telling him, in the event they identify the fucker responsible, to prosecute to the fullest extent of the law. Aside from the unnecessary emotional trauma it has put me through (now having to go out and REPEAT the shopping I JUST DID), there were old people and children in that store, for Christ sake. That is unacceptable and someone will pay if I have anything to say about it.

So if the universe or God or fate or whatever would just throw me a bone here and just for one day not make everything so freaking hard, I would appreciate it.

Thanks, Amen, whatever.

It should be noted that this post is written with a giggle and not with anger. I really did find the whole episode amusing and am giving all my co-workers quite the chuckle this morning with my retelling. Everyone keeps shaking their heads and saying, "Only you." Or my personal favorite, "You make the rest of us feel like we have NO troubles at all." Yeah...I loved that one too. But really...this is supposed to be funny...not sad and depressing. Upon reading it this morning I'm not sure the humor came off well.

Now if you want to know depressing...that would be the episode where a comment on another blog I read sent me off into a hysterical sobbing fit. Yeah...fun times this holiday stuff.

But really...

...think funny. :o) (<---see...a little smiley face and everything...funny!)