Saturday, November 04, 2006

We tried to adopt a baby but all we got was this lousy coupon

OK...I'm calm....maybe not calm...but willing to laugh...ok...maybe not laugh...willing to roll my eyes and the latest turn of events. Really...a coupon? We won't help you realize your dream of adding to your family...but buy our book? Many words come to mind (several of which are quite profane)...unprofessional...callous...ridiculous.

Steve and I know exactly why this organization would not contract with us. We actually knew the minute we sent the application. There are serious religious undertones to this particular group...and...well...we were honest when asked about our religious affiliations. Some might say we should have just lied. But here's the that we think about it, we're not entirely comfortable with the ideas they subscribe to. They have a "foundation" which professes to help birthmothers. I poked around on their website. I really have to wonder about the whole thing. I can just hear it now...

See the error of your evil ways.
Believe and you shall be saved.
Adoption will help you advance your spiritual self (where abortion would doom your soul to hell).

As much as we want a baby to join our family, the thought of getting one this way seems somehow deceitful...coercive...dishonest.

To be honest, we are the scariest potential adoptive family you can find. We're honest about our dead children and the damage we have suffered as a result. We're not going to be politically correct and only briefly mention our losses so as to not make someone uncomfortable. They are a part of our family whether someone is comfortable with that or not.

And I'm an attorney. I'm not the stay-at-home mom type. That'd be strike number two.

My belief in God...well...I think everyone who knows me knows the internal conflict that exists concerning God. And at one point Steve said he didn't believe in God at all...and that was long before even Sam, let alone Alex and Travis.

Three strikes and you're out. We're not that morally/spiritually correct family that this organization takes on as clients. So be it.

This turn of events has inspired us to do some more talking. Who knows where we'll go from here. Everyone keeps telling us that they believe we'll expand our family...they have faith in that future for us. We're not so sure. Maybe we only get the one kid. One gorgeous, funny, loving, wonderful kid. That's more than some people get, so we consider him a miracle that blesses our lives every day.

Maybe we should give pregnancy another try. As much as I don't want to do it, I have to admit that the good news of friends has made me insanely jealous. But is there more than just selfishness there? I don't know.

Maybe we should find another adoption route. But that is apparently a lot more complicated than I imagined. I'm not sure I want any more coupons.


One Mother's Journey said...

Dear ___________ adoption program, I'm returning your coupon with the hope that you'll stick it directly up your ass.

Kind regards,
Stephen and Catherine.

I hate everyone today. I'm ready for that drink ANYTIME Catherine.

kate said...

I don't think you are a scary potentially adoptive family at all. It is clear how much love you have to give, if anyone takes the time to learn the first thing about you. I did think, when reading that thing they sent you, that (1) they are obviously not an agency you want to deal with anyway and (2) you were probably very honest on your application. And i don't think that is a bad thing...but it may be hard to find the right agency.

And yeah, i am sorry that good news is such a double-edged sword. It shouldn't be this way.

Em said...

It doesn't sound like the right agency for you, especially if you guys don't feel any affiliation to their drift.

kate said...

PS. interesting article in the NY Times today about adoption from Guatemala. It is really a thorny nest of moral issues, isn't it?

three minute palaver said...

Yes, I think there offer of a coupon to buy their book really sucks bigtime. They don't have a very good attitude for an adoption agency in my mind. Good luck with the search for a really good agency with mirrors your beliefs and attitudes.

delphi said...

A close personal friend works for our local government run adoption agency (an excellent agency, btw). She has mentioned in the past that many of their clients have suffered either infertility or loss or both. And that they make some of th ebest potential candidates. So, I agree with you. I think that this impression of insuitability (word??) is the fault of the agency you dealth with, not the family circumstances that life has given you.

P.S. I couldn't even comment on the previous post, it made me so crazy!

Sarah said...

A coupon?! You've got to be kidding me!! I'm sorry Kate. This world just doesn't made sense sometimes. I hope you find the right path for you and your family.

vixanne wigg said...

So, I'm not a birth mom. But I would imagine that if I were I would be really affected and touched by what you've gone through. I don't think you are a scary family. I just think you talked to the wrong agency.

miraclebaby said...

I agree with vixanne. There have to be many organizations out there that will see how wonderful you guys are. We all see it. I can't believe they did that to you.

Anonymous said...

With you there, to try again or not to try, scared witless either way. 'They' sound like a weird bunch, this group you talked about. The sort of 'group' we Europeans roll our eyes at and say 'only in America'. Anyways, I'm in the same boat as you, sort of (Hubby is not so keen on adoption for the mo, he still thinks we can do it. That is, he still thinks I should do it!!!) Anyway you don't sound like such a scary family! I know scary families and if they were anything like you they'd be lucky!