So many dreams disappear without being fully realized. All around us. Everyday.
I sat across a table from three men who had spent their whole lives building something. Something good. A few bad decisions and it was all gone forever...out of their control. This was not the way they expected it to end.
I walked past the old woman in the wheelchair in the hall. Her son can no longer care for her properly. I'm sure this was not how she imagined her life. I'm sure this was not her dream.
I painted that room a neutral color and hung a cheery ceiling fan. I don't want to have to repaint, but a ceiling fan is easy enough to remove. Next will come the question of furniture. Do we buy a guest bed even though no guests ever come to visit? Do we put up the crib even though we know no baby may ever sleep there?
I am having a hard time filtering things right now. It's the fertile time of the month and there's nothing like announcing to the internet blogosphere that you intend NOT to jump your husband because you're desperately afraid of your dreams. At the same time I keep thinking that if I give up, all I will have, for the rest of my life, is my failure and the fact that I gave up. And that necessarily leads me to wonder if I'm making good decisions or if I'm just afraid of living with failure. Can/Should ego really have a place in this?
This isn't how I imagined it. But this is how it is. What do I want and what am I willing to pay in order to get it? Maybe the price is just too darn high. What will I be thinking when the young lady walks past me in the hallway in another 50 years?
Pass me my crystal ball please...I can't see it clearly just yet.