Parenting failure #48675423575

So we have hit the first roadblock that I am completely and totally stumped as to how to get around. My son refuses to write. Absolutely, flat-out, bribery doesn't work, won't even pick up a pen, would rather spend TWO HOURS screaming and crying...refuses to write.

Preschool has begun. Sam's having to adjust to a schedule of "appropriate behavior" and "school time" where he had previously enjoyed a rather unstructured and free atmosphere. And I don't mind saying, he's not doing well with it. He says it's boring. He says he doesn't know how to write. He says he is not going to do it ever, ever again.

Great.

To be fair, he did try writing. He tried, made a small mistake, and went ballistic because it was not perfect. He is harder on himself than we could ever possibly be. So the perfect solution is not to try at all. You can't fail if you don't even try.

Beautiful. I have apparently taught my son that it is better to sit there and cry than it is to give it your best attempt and make a little mistake here and there.

We have always said, "As long as you try," and, "Nobody is perfect," and, "Accidents happen." He never got this upset over potty training failures or any of the other potentially psyche-damaging mistakes he made along the path of his four short years. So why writing? What is it about writing that makes it better to refuse than to fail? And where do I go from here?

The thing is, I can't say that I don't know how I did this to him. There DOES come a point where you give up trying. Where you realize that failing brings too much pain and sadness, so you give up hope and don't even risk trying.

But that doesn't apply to writing a letter on a piece of paper.

Now how do I make him understand that?