Thursday, July 13, 2006

So small

Last night I was out looking for the lost rescue dog, Josie, again. The search has been frustrating and sad. She's out there the rain...without someone to love her. I was really feeling discouraged about the whole thing. I was beginning to think suck sarcastic and skeptical thoughts. And then two things happened.

First, someone said, "I know this sounds crazy, but if it gives hope then we might as well try it." For some reason, that resonated within me and I regained my strength and my sense of humor about the whole thing. (Damn dog. Gonna make me crazy. I find her, I'm gonna wring her scrawny little neck.)

Also yesterday Steve and I drove home from work last night past the scene of a creek rescue. Human beings teetered on the edge of life and death right there at the bend in the road. Some fell on the side of life...and one fell on the side of death. It was all so random...who lives and who dies. It was all so random...where these things happen. We drive past there every single day, multiple times a day. Yesterday morning I had even noted how full the creek was and how fast it was flowing. Why did they go swimming there? Why yesterday? Why did that man try to save another person? Why did he disappear underneath the water while two others held on for more than three hours?

The older I get, the more vulnerable I feel...somehow this big ole world. We dress it all up with conveniences, but life is still really very harsh. Giving and taking what it wants...when it wants it...without explanation. Is it God? Is it Mother Nature? Choice? Randomness? We're all susceptible to it whether we realize it or not...whether we like it or not.

I personally like things in neat little justifiable packages. You do this, you get that in return. But just because I like it that way doesn't mean I'm going to get what I want. We may never find that dog. They may never find that man.

We're all just so small in this world. But if we hang onto hope, we just might make it through.


miraclebaby said...

yes, packages would be nice. There are so many things I struggle with where to put them. There just is no place to put them so they float around. Life IS harsh. The good thing is (for me) is that there are still beautiful things in it. I just have to remind myself to find them.

Heidi said...

You don't know me, but I found your blog through a long line of blogs I have been reading. I hope you don't mind me commenting. I am aching as I read your story... I have no words of comfort or healing. I just have words of love... from one woman in a little town in Southern California... to a woman who has pain that only she can know. I believe in praying to the one true God who will ease your pain, if you allow Him to do so. I am praying for you... and I hope through that you will feel the love from my heart to yours.