"I'm just so damned angry for you."
Uh, yeah, me too.
"I mean, it's just not right."
I agree.
"Are you glad to be back to work?"
Guess so, what else am I going to do? Might as well come in here and pretend like nothing is different.
"Yeah, I mean, life goes on."
[really? thanks.]
Person who only knew I was in the hospital (didn't know I was pregnant):
"So did you have the plague?"
No.
"Well, I hope you're feeling better, whatever it was."
[No matter what it was, maybe you should get a clue that it's not a joke when someone is in the hospital...oh...and it's none of your damn business either.]
Person who didn't know I was in the hospital OR that I was pregnant
"Sounds like you have a cold...take care of yourself."
[That would be snot from supressed crying...I wish it was only a cold.]
Oh...and let's not forget that great email about how people were saved from dying on 9/11 by sheer coincidence...from someone who knows all about my pregnancy and Travis' death...that includes this great line...
Now when I am stuck in traffic, miss an elevator, turn back to answer a ringing telephone...all the little things that annoy me. I think to myself, this is exactly where God wants me to be at this very moment.
and this line...
Next time your morning seems to be going wrong, the children are slow getting dressed, you can't seem to find the car keys, you hit every traffic light, don't get mad or frustrated; God is at work watching over you.
May God continue to bless you with all those annoying little things and may you remember their possible purpose.
Pass me back my cape...I didn't say all the things I WANTED to say...I emailed her with...
I love you. And I don't want to hurt your feelings. But please do not send me anymore God-related emails. God and I are having issues right now and I just can't deal with it at work too. I hope you understand.
And it's only noon. I'm going to go to the post office, buy a large fully caffeinated and sugared beverage, close my office door, and eat my lunch in peace. I hope.
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4 comments:
*hug* of course no amount of internet hugs will do a thing but I'm thinking of you and sending you some love.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this. Peoples' comments were one of the things that made it harder for me to get through it. Some of them still bother me and it has been close to a year. I know the cry you are talking about in a previous post, the one that comes from a place that hurts so much and all you can do is scream at God that you don't want anything to do with Him any more. I said that on numerous occasions. If only there were a awitch to turn off peoples' mouths it would make the grief process a bit more bearable, I think.
mmmmm - i hope you had a case full of frappucinos!
shortly after i went back to work (i can't remember if after hans or after the tadpole), a co-worker (one who knows me well enough to know better, dammit) sent me (and only me!) one of those canned e-mails about how important it is to look at the bright side and included a vague lecture about being negative. i wanted to wring her neck. and then stomp on it a few times. and then maybe stab it with a spear a few times after that. whenever i see the least little opening of good intent, i make it a point to correct people who don't get it, but someone that criminally stupid - there's no hope for them. you were very strong to reply to that idiot.
i was talking about being on autopilot in the NEP just a few days ago. i think it's a self protective mechanism. i can't relate to losing a baby, but i can to losing a dearly loved one suddenly and unexpectedly. i know how angry i was. to listen to people complain about their mother's when mine was dead. to hear people whine about the most mundane bullshit and ask my opinion. my reply was/is still so angry, "my mom is dead. i don't really care about blah, blah, blah". yeah i know it's not pc, but that's how i felt and still feel. i also felt betrayed by my mom. how could she die when i needed, loved, adored her so much?
grief is a motherfucker. people that send the "better off in heaven" or "GOD's plan" bullshit just don't know.
we actually had that stupid email in our bathroom at work and i tore it down. it's offensive and insensitive. thanks for pointing out just how unlucky i am and how GOD didn't intervene to save my mom.
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