Friday, February 03, 2006

To the woman at McDonald's - and other unsuspecting souls

Don't give my husband a "look" when our son says, "Daddy, I'm sorry I don't have a baby brother or sister to play with."

It's none of your business and your judgment is as unwelcome as your pity.

Just let him get through the moment with dignity.

Just let him get through the explanation to our son without making him feel the tears forming in his eyes.

Just let him be.

He is a father to one living son and one dead one...trying to maintain that delicate balance between love and sadness.

You can't stop looking...this conversation isn't for you.


Conversation between me and co-counsel who I haven't seen in months:

A: Don't you have a brand new baby at home? (said with that baby-happy smile)
Me: No
A: No? (obviously confused)
Me: Ummm...he died.
A: Oh...I'm sorry.
Me: Well thank you.
A: I'm so sorry.
Me: Well, I'm sorry there's no easy way to tell someone that news. (really uncomfortable laugh)
A: (running away as fast as humanly possible)
Me: (don't cry, don't cry, don't cry)


Bronwyn said...

It sucks having to tell people "the news". There is no right thing for anyone to say, and I'm sure even if there were it would still be an uncomfortable exchange. (((Big hug)))

Sarah said...

Ugh. I hate telling people. I just had to recently on email.

Plus this week I had to explain my necklace to someone... (I have a necklace that is a miniature version of Kate's footprint..). I only know this woman through conference calls and one meeting before this week. She saw my necklace and said it was pretty and asked where I got it. I replied that the funeral home did the print and sent it to a company to make the necklace. That ended the conversation pretty quickly.

I have no idea if she knew I lost a baby or not. I hadn't met her in person until this summer after I had lost Kate.

Diana said...

Stupid woman at Mcdonald's. Eat your burger and don't worry about the conversation the little boy is having with his daddy, it's none of your business.
Catherine, I hope your dinner tonight is wonderful. I hope it gives you a break from all this bullshit.

MB said...

Well, hell. I'm sure those events don't help the bad dreams and no energy thing. I'm sorry...

What a crappy deal.

gabesmama said...

Hi Catherine,

I've been reading all of your posts and I just wanted to say that I am sorry that you were made to feel like you can't express your feelings. Everything that you feel is so similar to how I have felt a different times or all of the time. Christmas cards were so painful this year. I wish their was an easy way to tell people our children have died. I mean sometimes you just want to do what you are doing without having to upset yourself or the person asking. Once I ran into someone when I was shoppping who didn't know and I just wanted to get a gallon of milk not get into it. It seems like everyone has been having bad dreams lately, I wonder what is going around.