Sunday, October 02, 2005

Sorry to disappoint

...but there will be no beaded thongs this Christmas. After a day of hard work and half a bottle of wine, I fell completely and soundly asleep...only to have the worst nightmares.

Steve and I talked about watching for nests of yellow jackets in the ground while we were working outside on the fence. But my nightmare consisted of me poking at a hornet's the basket underneath a baby stroller. Make of that what you will, but I was not amused. You would think that I could get some fun dreams here already! Particularly when I've gone to the effort to drink myself silly. I mean really! I'm tired of this horse shit!


No fence today. We slept late, toddled off to the home improvement store only to be told they wouldn't cut our lattice for us (despite our having had the exact same thing done at a similar store not a week ago). I was tired and cranky and not at all in the fence-building mood. So we went to the dollar store and picked up some kid's bubble bath (unfortunately, our stinky child fell asleep before actually taking a bath so I will just have to be embarassed when he goes to daycare all gross tomorrow. Perhaps I will try to sponge him off tomorrow morning). We also went to the pet store to buy a couple collars for a dog or two. We hit Kmart for the super sale on bed in a bag (I LOVE my new bedding).

And the piece de resistance (I have no idea how to type that so it sounds French)...I went into Babies R Us today, as I know from experience that they have the cleanest bathrooms in town. I realized I despise everything that place stands for. They have all these "expectant parent" things...classes, products, etc. The whole thing, from the time they get a positive pregnancy test, is a happy journey for them. Not for us...not anymore. I have no use for anything from Babies R Us anymore. None of it. I feel like the road weary traveler who can tell you all the tales of horrible things down the road. The journey is no longer important. Now I just want a happy and healthy baby. I have never wanted to fast forward time so badly in all my life. I want to skip over all the crappy scary stuff and just go right to the happy moment where I get to bring a new baby home to be a part of our family. Is that so wrong?

No fence, no happy dreams, no would seem it was all going to be a completely crappy day.

But magically somehow, watching my dad and my son whack black walnuts out of the tree with a large stick this evening made me smile and giggle and realize that it all isn't so bad. Seeing my husband do his victory lap around the yard after fixing the springwater pump for the horses made me feel at peace. Having my mom and dad climb through the bushes to help me get the fence ready to be put up sometime later this week made me laugh hysterically and think about what I have...instead of what I've lost.

Now I've just got to find somebody to cut my lattice for me again. And I wouldn't complain if I had a happy dream or two...maybe I'll try the wine again. But there won't be any drunken beading. I'm quite careful to avoid any drunken activity that might embarass me too much later.


Bronwyn said...

Can totally relate to the wanting to fast-forward idea. As much as I'm pissed that I never got to have even one happy, normal pregnancy, I'll give up all of the baby showers and twirling rings on strings just to get to the happy ending where I get to hold my healthy, living baby.

Glad to hear about the hysterical laughter. We need more of that around here!

And too bad about avoiding BWI (beading while intoxicated, in case that wasn't obvious) -- I was looking forward to seeing your creation!

msfitzita said...

I'm so glad you had a happy, "counting your blessings" moment. Those feel sooooo good and we deserve every single one of them. (((((HUGS))))