There are days when I just don't have much to say, yet I feel compelled to blog something. Why is that? I think it's therapeutic for me to speak my mind...it helps me deal with whatever I'm feeling at any given moment. So I feel like if I don't say SOMETHING, then I'm not making any progress in learning to cope with my new reality.
Did I tell you that I called a Maternal Fetal specialist to get her medical opinion on what went wrong and where we might adjust things if we decide to have another baby? I made the mistake of telling the nurse that my schedule was flexible. She said she'd make me an appointment and call me back. That was at 3pm Friday...no phone call back yet. (sigh) I'm normally a slightly impatient person (no smart comments from those who would qualify me as more than "slightly impatient"). Add to that my sudden control issues, and you've got one irritated woman right about now.
Speaking of which, I've REALLY got to let go of my need to control things. I found myself yelling at my husband this morning because he didn't put his shoes neatly in a row near the doorway. I'm SUCH a joy to live with these days, I'm surprised he didn't bean me with one of the offending shoes. And of course, it's so painfully obvious why I feel I need to control things, even Steve figured it out. Now, those of you who know Steve know he's not normally a really psychologically in-tune person...so I must be wearing a sign on my forehead for him to have noticed it too.
I have also been having a strange feeling lately. The memory box that I so painfully put together for Alex currently sits in our living room per my request. I want to hide it away in a closet. I don't want to look at it. What's that about?