Thursday, September 24, 2009

Wonder what's going on?

I've determined that my blog constipation lately is due to the fact that my co-worker is due to give birth on in four days. I still can't deal with it. But for some reason, I can't admit it now in any sort of detail. It makes me feel bitter and small to voice my thoughts on the subject. I feel as though I should somehow be beyond all that. So I don't say anything. I'm crocheting her a baby blanket...so at least I'm not completely becoming an antisocial hermit.

Add to that, Rachel's latest...and I just have nothing coherent to say. Nothing makes sense and I'm feeling the need to retreat from my own thoughts. gah! I bet I'd be fun at a party...if I ever were invited to one.

Time to shake loose the cobwebs and find something POSITIVE to talk about.

So...we're planning a blog get together in November. If you haven't received your invite and are a regular around these parts, drop me a line and I'll consider inviting you. :o)

Did I tell you that Sam has entered the "knock knock" joke phase of childhood. He is absolutely charming telling nonsensical "jokes" that he's made up...and laughing hysterically after each punchline. Of course, being an adult who is tired and cranky, I was reminded that I should find my sense of humor when he asked me, with a hurt look on his face, why I didn't laugh at his jokes. I love that kid.

My boy decided to play soccer again this year. Tonight he played goalie in a game during which TWO goals were scored on him. He did NOT cry...just shrugged his apologetic shrug and told his team, "my bad." hehehe...I wish I could do that more often.

Myles is Myles. Fiercely independent and thoroughly dramatic. Terrible twos here we come.

My brother is getting married on October 10th. My little brother...who said he'd never marry or have kids is getting married and has a baby and a step-son. Ha! Sucker! Welcome to my world! lol!

I need some sleep. It's 11 o'clock and I've not been sleeping terribly well the last few days. So I will curly up on my heavenly king-sized bed and try to think positive thoughts I can share with you tomorrow.

Until then...*mwah* (overly theatrical kiss)

5 comments:

Michele said...

Other people's EDDs have made me cranky too... But you are doing really well and how sweet that you are making a hat!

A dear friend of mine (who swore off marriage) is getting hitched on Halloween. Dont you love it when you lure them to the dark side!

Hedda said...

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time right now.
I'm don't comment often, but please know that I love you from way down south and think of you often. Knowing that you can cope helps me cope. September sucks, and I think we should remove it from the calendar. Or at least call it something else.

Big hugs for you.

Pipsylou said...

Know what? We are at the age where every single woman we know is either reproducing, thinking about reproducing, or just finished reproducing another perfect little miracle.

I deactivated my facebook account because if I log on one more time to someone saying, "Oops! We're pregnant! Look at the baby's room! Do you think the fast heart rate means boy or girl?" I will smash something.

Scott suggested getting off of that site a long time ago, and I finally saw the light.

I went to my friend's little girl's birthday party. She is 2 and has cerebral palsy, and her twin was stillborn. Later that night, I went out for dessert with a friend whose unborn son was just diagnosed with HLH.

It's weird, because I am more comfortable around these people than I am around the "normal shiny perfectly reproducing people."

What does that say about me?

Not sure, but I've stopped trying to fight it. All of this is what it is, and I am tired of feeling "bad" for being more comfortable around people who truly do "get" me.

I think I will be 56 and still have trouble with people having babies. It will always remind me of what I've lost. I thought having Asher would make it better, because if I "succeeded" at pregnancy, it would mean I had finally arrived and was "part of the club". Nope. Not true. And I am tired of telling myself the lie that if I had another child I would feel more "normal". Hell, what IS normal, anyway?

If it happens, fine. But I'm not working to make it happen. I am DAMN. TIRED.

Yesterday I woke up and thought, "I feel like crap." and then today I woke up and thought, "This may be a better day." I am not thinking about reproducing, and I avoid people with new babies like the plague. I'm not going to put myself through that kind of torture, and I'm not ABOUT to read about their little miracles on Facebook. I'll be having a wonderful day, and then it will all turn upside down because of someone's damn status update.

Anyway, this damn tired lady is glad to have you as her friend. Your honesty is so refreshing, and it uplifts me in ways you will never know.

Pipsylou said...

Ha! Just read what Hedda said. Yes, September 10 - the day we found out Camden was dead. Also, coincidentally, the day my twins with no hearts were due.

Oh, and who can forget the ectopic pregnancy from hell?

Ah, September...

On the flip side, really good cider donuts at the apple orchard, and my kids are damn cute eating them.

Aurelia said...

I think I saw something about the get together somewhere? Anyway, please put me on the list, I'd love to meet you!