This is one of THOSE posts. You have your warning.
The breastfeeding is...how shall I say?...done. Fini. The end. And while I could write all about how sad it makes me, I feel I owe myself the truth. It was time and I am glad to be done. Not so glad about the formula stains on the clothes (will definitely be taking a break from Gymboree...even second-hand Gymboree deserves better), but definitely glad to be done.
Breastfeeding this time around was easy. I attribute most of our success to my extreme gratitude. When you long to hold a baby...when you go through what we did...it's easy to slow down and savor every moment. I remember with Sam I was in such a hurry. I had so much to DO that I didn't want to be bothered with the nursing business. It took too much time out of my schedule. Looking back now, I realize I just didn't "get it." But this time there was none of that. The house isn't clean. The lawn isn't mowed. There is little progress on the crafting and other activities. It was nine months devoted to helping this new little baby grow. I loved it.
And now it's not like that because I'm ready to get going and, more importantly, because MYLES is ready to get going. He is no longer interested in the nursing snuggle or falling asleep at my breast (just typing that causes a tear to appear in my eye). He's ready to go go go and I want to let him. He prefers a bottle to my boob...to feed himself rather than snuggle in and be fed. I guess I'm just too lazy to fight him on it. Yes, there is a bit of the old failure-minded part of me that realizes I could have worked to continue providing expressed breastmilk (instead of formula) for the remainder of the "critical" first year. But all the breastpump was doing was creating stress for me. I could pump all day and not make enough for the three 8-ounce bottles Myles needs for daycare each day. It was frustrating and made me anxious...it's a relief to not have to deal with that anymore.
So a beautiful nine month chapter closes with some tears and a sigh of relief.
Here's to new adventures!