Monday, August 04, 2008

Weird

My coworker has been pregnant and miscarried twice since September of 2007. Her doctor told her she has a giant fibroid that prevents embryos from implanting properly and she would need to see a fertility doctor. She has moral objections to reproductive assistance (I won't even comment) and was quite vocal about her reluctance to make the appointment. I'm not sure whether she ever did and/or if the fertility doctor helped her or not...but she is pregnant and due in February. She was so excited because at her most recent appointment they told her to "come back in four weeks" and she hasn't been told that in a very long time (her daughter is four years old). I'm excited for her. And yet I'm feeling weird about facing her progressing pregnancy on a daily basis. She's had a rough road and of all the women in my office I think she "gets it" the most. So what gives? More introspection to follow, I'm sure.

***edited to add***
As she was standing in the office today complaining about the smell of coffee making her sick, I realized...She's vocal and she's going to want to talk about it. The morning sickness...the maternity clothes...breastfeeding...

I want to run and hide.

Yesterday she asked me which was more adorable, "Your own baby or someone else's baby?" I was probably too brutally honest when I said, "I guess it depends on how much you WANT your own baby. No other baby seems as cute as Myles does."

I really need to learn to filter what comes out of my mouth.

6 comments:

The Broken Man said...

Congratulations to your friend! My wife is now pregnant after 4.5 years of infertility - it's an amazing feeling!

The Broken man

http://theblogofabrokenman.blogspot.com/

MB said...

It's not weird. It just never, ever goes away. That's how it is.

PS..do you ever hear from Laura and Justin? How are they if you do...send me a note? I was just thinking about them.

Julia said...

My first thought is that this may have something to do with your own feelings about having one more. Getting to watch her through her pregnancy will keep bringing the thought up for you, and maybe this is why you are feeling weird.
Or maybe (quite likely) I am talking out of my ass...

Pipsylou said...

Witnessing ANY pregnancy is weird for me, quite honestly. I get jealous and glad it's not me and nervous and angry - all rolled up into one. And I secretly wonder how that person would handle it if something went wrong.

But on the outside I smile and nod and attend the baby shower.

Now if that's not messed up I don't know what is.

Honestly, you're still dealing with your own grief. So to have ANY pregnancy right in front of you is hard. Maybe it always will be. Or maybe I, too, am talking out of my arse.

And maybe it's the "having another baby" thing that is throwing you.

Or maybe I just need to go eat cookies and leave you alone. :)

kate said...

I have two really really cute babies hanging around here, but it seems to me also that Myles is shocking cute. So maybe he just IS, regardless of your own emotional baggage.

Aw, heck, i totally spaced on that candle thing. Is it too late to order?

Mrs. Fun said...

love you so much....