Friday, September 07, 2007

Miscellaneous thoughts

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The kindergarten teacher issues are my issues...Sam seems to like her...so I'm going to keep my mouth shut and see how it plays out...for now. I'm more than aware that part of my sensitivity is due to the fact that I've got hormones racing around inside me that make me more-than-slightly insane (just ask my husband). And really...I don't have to like her as long as she teaches my kid the appropriate things and doesn't make HIM miserable.
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I sent my sister's birthday card...and her birthday isn't even until the 10th! That's right...I'm EARLY! I'm hoping it makes up for the entire month of lateness surrounding her husband's birthday (hangs head in shame).
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Sam has been in kindergarten for two days and has already been programmed for three fundraisers. He actually looked at me yesterday afternoon and asked, in his sweet little five-year-old voice, "Mommy...will you help my school?" Seriously. We are not amused.
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I took a big leap of faith this week and changed my doctor schedule to once every two weeks (instead of once a week). Dr. A said he was comfortable with it and I'm tired of driving the hour to the hospital just to pee in a cup, have my normal blood pressure measured, and be reminded that I need a pap test done before delivery (a conversation I have had to have EVERY week now for more than a month). We're not doing it now because I don't think it's wise to stir things up in there when I'm prone to freakish infections of the uterus. Dr. A agrees and the nurses "are just doing their job." But it's still annoying to have to repeat myself. I just hope I don't freak out before the two weeks is up.
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My gestational diabetes numbers have been fabulous. Here's hoping they stay that way for the duration.
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Sometimes it's so easy to forget. To get all wrapped up in the daily business of living that I can leave the pain and the sadness behind without thought. And then there are those moments...I'm not sure anyone who hasn't experienced can understand it. It's like a door opens up under your feet and you fall in...hurtling toward the ground at a speed that takes your breath away.

Yesterday morning while driving Sam to school, Tim McGraw's, "If You're Reading This," on the radio, Sam eating a poptart and rocking out to his McDonalds Happy Meal mini ipod toy, the sun shining, Baby Myles starting up the morning calisthenics in my belly...

If you're reading this, there is going to come a day
You move on and find someone else and that's okay
Just remember this
I'm in a better place
Soldiers live in peace and angels sing amazing grace


I couldn't help but feel that now too-familiar pang of what might have been. A tear fell, and the bottom dropped out. Like a giant roller coaster.

But it was weird. Somewhere along the fall into the pit I found something to grab hold of...and was able to keep myself from hitting the bottom with the spectacular splat I am so accustomed to. It came and it went so fast...
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After two weeks, the air conditioning in my 200+ year-old-used-to-be-the-courthouse-and-jail-office-building is FINALLY fixed. The pregnant lady is happy tolerable to live with again.
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When Baby Myles is born (see...positive thinking), I want flowers...and flannel pajama pants...and wine. I want people to make a fuss and I'm afraid they won't. Then again, I'm afraid they will make a fuss and it will feel wrong. I hate that it's not simple anymore.
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Steve's got ONE MORE WEEK before he starts his new job and he finally had an epiphany yesterday when he realized he doesn't care if the remaining staff "transitions well."
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5 comments:

Shinny said...

Get me the address of that hospital and call when you are on your way. Flowers will be awaiting for you. ;) Provided I am not on my way to the hospital too. ;) Race ya!

No chocolate? You can have that after he is born, right?

daysgoby said...

Cass just started Primary on Wednesday and we got the note sent home yesterday announcing the school fundraiser. I (because I am grumpy, and sick of gifty crap) sent a note this morning asking the teacher what the average amount was that a FIVE YEAR OLD brings in going door to door. The answer? Thirty dollars.

I'm sending in a check Monday. No catalogs are coming home.

So yay! No badgering the family to buy wrapping paper, or whatever useless stuff it is!

That was a lovely song.

Cass said...

I hate it when the door opens underneath you r feet and sucks you in :(. I'm glad that you found something to cling to and pull yourself back out. I admire you for the courage that you have for going through another pregnancy after losing the boys ~ you are a stronger woman that I am. I truly admire your courage to face each and every day....
((((HUGS))))

Julia said...

I missed yesterday's post and am still trying to process the power trips. Yicks. Seriously, yicks.

I am so glad you found that something to hold on to.

And congrats on the air conditioner. It was past 90 here today too, so I feel you.

Cass said...

Just wanted to leave you a quick note and let you know that my blog went stupid (or I did!) and I had to re-do the whole d@mn thing all over again! Anyhoo, just wanted to let you know why your comments were no longer there ~ and I was so proud of having comments :( LOL!