Tuesday, September 04, 2007

F is for failure...mommy failure

I forgot to send a note saying that Sam was going to get picked up from school...that he was not to ride the bus.

I didn't bring something for Sam to drink in the car on the ride home.

Upon arriving home, I was screamed at..."I want DADDY!"

I asked him how to fix it and he said, "Just leave me alone." He stormed up to his room and slammed the door.

And it all came crashing down on me...all the failure...all the inadequacy...all that facade I've so carefully built over the last five years...

I haven't cried like that in quite a while.

But the self-indulgence of a good cry was cut short by the call of the dirty laundry and the knowledge that I needed to feed Sam a snack before soccer practice.

Maybe I can redeem myself and end the day with a passing grade...a D is good enough, right?


Julie said...

I'm sorry your day hit a rough patch. Sam will get over it; we understand that your mind is being pulled in so many directions right now, he just can't reason that just yet.
Hang in there, with love.

Brenda said...

You poor thing.
The sun will rise tomorrow and bring with it another day. You can get a 'A' then. :)


Kathy McC said...

Don't feel too badly. I am sure he was just overwhelmed. A told me a couple of times last week that he hated me.

Ahhh, and this is just the beginning.

The Nanny said...

thinking of you...


Shinny said...

I hope that the evening got somewhat better for you. I hope his attitude was just due to the whole being in school for the first day thing.

It will get better. Hugs!

Sherri said...

...so maybe this is some denial on my part, but I don't chalk any of that up to mommy failure. My eight year old and I have had some similar stellar conversations, and I have cerainly forgotten the right note or snack or brownie meeting or soccer practice on more than one occasion (what? we needed to bring your earplugs for swim lessons?) - heck, two weeks ago I even drove to the wrong place to pick up the wrong kid and screwed up everyone's frantic commute home... I think it is all part of trying to juggle parenting with working and running a house and having a life and... is that enough? oh yeah, and you get to throw in pregnancy related stresses and exhaustion to the mix. So hey, I think you are doing pretty great!!

Holley said...

We're going through similar stuff with Angie. The last few weeks have been rough. I'm batling the same feeling of Mommy failure.

However, I really think that it is just their way of handling the newness of Kindergarten. At least I hope it is. She loves it, but there is always a moment of hesitation as we drop her off.

If I have to face screaming, glaring and outright defiance for much longer, I'm not sure what I will do, but it won't be pretty and it might involve duct tape.

Angel Mom said...


cat said...

You sound pretty A+ to me. The fact that you worry about these things that you rise out of that dark spot to make that food and do that laundry... that is the stuff of real super moms. All the other stuff gets forgotten in the end. *hugs*