I would do ANYTHING to get Baby Myles here alive and healthy.
But I just have to get this out because it is making me crazy...
I want to EAT! I'm HUNGRY! Nothing I want to eat is good for my or my blood sugar levels. I'm TIRED of green leafy vegetables and meat. I want to eat a bowl of pasta and follow it up with an ice cream sundae! I want to EAT CARBS! AND SUGAR! And I want to NOT think about whether it is poisoning my baby.
I normally LOVE to cook. I can't even stand to walk into the grocery store anymore because I'm bombarded with all the lovely summer fruits I can't eat...the snack chips I can't eat...the CAKES and the COOKIES I can't eat! It's torture! It makes me want to cry with frustration. I've put off buying a loaf of bread for fear I will sit down in front of the tv, slather the bread with peanut butter, and just eat until I explode. Seriously...this is the stuff I fantasize about (besides bringing home a living baby boy).
Add in that I'm so tired of feeling like a freaking pincushion...One belly injection in the morning, four finger pricks throughout the day, the looming promise of steroid shots, and the prospect of insulin shots sometime in the future...Good grief! I'm bruised and pinched and hurty in places that drive me crazy. Have you ever tried typing with fingers you've stuck multiple times a day? It sucks! My pants are too damn small again and the belly bruises from the injections are PAINFUL! I'm thinking of just buying all dresses (without waistlines) so I don't have to deal with it anymore!
I just want to curl up in a ball until this is all over. Hand me a healthy and happy baby and I'm sure I will think all this has been worth it. But right now, hormonal me just wants to have a good cry and not be told to look at the bigger picture.