I would do ANYTHING to get Baby Myles here alive and healthy.
But I just have to get this out because it is making me crazy...
I want to EAT! I'm HUNGRY! Nothing I want to eat is good for my or my blood sugar levels. I'm TIRED of green leafy vegetables and meat. I want to eat a bowl of pasta and follow it up with an ice cream sundae! I want to EAT CARBS! AND SUGAR! And I want to NOT think about whether it is poisoning my baby.
I normally LOVE to cook. I can't even stand to walk into the grocery store anymore because I'm bombarded with all the lovely summer fruits I can't eat...the snack chips I can't eat...the CAKES and the COOKIES I can't eat! It's torture! It makes me want to cry with frustration. I've put off buying a loaf of bread for fear I will sit down in front of the tv, slather the bread with peanut butter, and just eat until I explode. Seriously...this is the stuff I fantasize about (besides bringing home a living baby boy).
Add in that I'm so tired of feeling like a freaking pincushion...One belly injection in the morning, four finger pricks throughout the day, the looming promise of steroid shots, and the prospect of insulin shots sometime in the future...Good grief! I'm bruised and pinched and hurty in places that drive me crazy. Have you ever tried typing with fingers you've stuck multiple times a day? It sucks! My pants are too damn small again and the belly bruises from the injections are PAINFUL! I'm thinking of just buying all dresses (without waistlines) so I don't have to deal with it anymore!
I just want to curl up in a ball until this is all over. Hand me a healthy and happy baby and I'm sure I will think all this has been worth it. But right now, hormonal me just wants to have a good cry and not be told to look at the bigger picture.
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8 comments:
Yeah, this all sucks. We'll eat jars and jars of peanut butter in January, okay?
I am all about dresses. I hate waistlines. I'm scared, in fact, to think of putting on a pair of pants....
What size are you? I didn't know that when you bought maternity clothes you were supposed to buy them in the same size you were at when you got pregnant. Therefore, I have many new tents for tops and bottoms my mom says I can fit the whole family in, I think she may be exagerating a bit there though.
I can send them over and if you don't like them or they are way to humungous for you to just send them back.
I can send you some peanut butter too. ;)
It sucks.
Looking at the very small picture, there is this pasta out there called Dreamsfields, I think. It's low effective carbs, and judging by how I react to it, it actually is (I can feel it when I get a sugar bomb). If you can't get it by you, I'd be glad to buy some for you and send it on. There is also ice cream with Splenda here. It should be available most places. And most of it is actually pretty good. I am partial to Edy's myself, but if that is not a brand you can find in the store, Breyers also has low carb stuff that is pretty good.
I think gestational diabetes would be really hard... and having to avoid so much food, especially comfort foods, deserves some whining and complaining on occasion...
We can all send you cookies after you deliver!!
can you do like a berry cobbler with steel cut oats and berries and apples and splenda and olive oil? it is SO good - I'm going to make that tonight because I NEED something carb -like or I will rip open the Twinkies. - er, sorry to remind you.
All whining allowed, all the time, anytime.
After what you've been through my sweet, you can do whatever the heck you want, and I'll listen.
As for the peanut butter, I know that Jif is filled with sugar, but isn't natural peanut butter made with just peanuts ok? It's something my Doctor highly recommends for PCOS and diabetes, so maybe ask?
Are there any treats allowed ever? Must be something. Poor you, let us know, and we'll mail you anything you can't get where you are, promise.
you spit out as much of that frustration with wanting something besides salad & meat here as you need to. you're doing a hard, hard thing...and no ice cream, even for comfort...dude.
but Myles? i love the name, Catherine. i am waiting, smiling, so very happy about this boy of yours.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. the thought of not having food as a coping mechanism terrifies me!
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