Friday, June 29, 2007

And still they speak

I thought we had heard it all.

And then Steve gets this one yesterday...

"I hope this one works out for you. You have been through so much. You both deserve this."

Steve asks me, "So, what? We didn't deserve the other two?"

And there was my awkward conversation at the pizza shop as I picked up my turkey, bacon and cheddar sub sandwich for lunch. I happened to be wearing an obvious maternity top at the time and this is a place that I go to at least once a week.

Lady: "I didn't know you were pregnant."

Me: "Yep."

Lady: "Is this your first?"

Me: "Nope.
(please let it drop, please let it drop, please let it drop)

Lady: "Second? Third?"

Me: (well if you aren't going to let it drop given my very short answers and seeming unwillingness to talk about it then you're getting the whole unvarnished truth...may God help your soul)
"This is my fourth pregnancy and will be my second living child if it survives."

Lady: (suddenly very interested in the credit card machine)

WHY do you feel the need to ASK about my reproductive history? I figure if you don't know a person well enough to already KNOW their story, then you just shouldn't ask.

And if anonymous is still reading...I KNOW people aren't out to get me. But do they have to be so damn stupid?!?!


Julia said...

"Deserve" is the other one that drives me nuts. No one deserves either to have a kid or to have a kid die. No one. Because who the hell can say they have been so good in their life as to actually deserve to have a child? The happiness that a child brings? Who is so self-assured as to claim that as their actual RIGHT?
And on the flip side, what exactly do you have to do to deserve to have your kid die? And who would be cruel enough to hand that out as a punishment?

Good for you for giving it to the clerk. That's my philosophy too-- I don't advertise, but if asked, will tell the truth. My thought is that the busy body has already hurt me, so maybe if I answer the question fully, they will be less likely to be so nosy to the next person they meet.

*Darcie* said...

I am sorry you are still getting all this crap Kate!! I dont really have much to add...but know that I am thinking of you!! Every single day!!!!

Holley said...

I don't mind if people are nosy, but for heaven's sake couldn't they muster up some compassion when told an unhappy truth?

Lori said...

I don't feel as though I deserved my living children or my dead ones. Like Julia said, how could I do anything wonderful enough to deserve to raise another life, or anything awful enough to have to watch two die?

Although for me, I was more irked by the "hope this one works out" comment. Like the first two were trial runs- or hypothetical children.

And if you are going to be pushy, you better be prepared for all sorts of answers!

delphi said...

Oooo, I'm with Lori on this one. The whole concept of a "trial run" (I actually had a friend SAY that to me!!!!) is too horrifying for words.

You say "I hope this works out for you." when someone applies for a new job or puts in a mortage application. Not when they have the courage to hope for a living child.

And I am glad you gave the clerk the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth (so help her, God). She asked.

Sara said...

What on earth? I refuse to stop being shocked by other people's idiocy, however many times I hear or witness it.

Holley is so right. If you ask the question, you should certainly not just turn away at the answer.

I cannot believe, Delphi, that someone actually called C. a trial run, much less inferred it as in other cases.

Rosepetal said...

Yes, why the hell do people feel like commenting on your reproduction is appropriate? Even before V. died, it annoyed the crap out of me when people would ask this. Mind your own business or at least be prepared to carry on the conversation when you don't get a fluffy bunny answer.

Brenda said...

I don't mind them asking me questions, but i think they mind me pulling out my photo album! roflol
Sucked in to them i say. Don't ask if you don't like the response!


Sara said...

And when they speak they speak all at once.

Baby Blues said...

People never fail to ask us "Are you pregnant yet?" and it just annoys me! Some people could just be too nosy and rude.