Well, that last bit was just a little self-indulgent. Thank goodness for my friends, a mighty cry and some peanut M&Ms. OK...so the peanut M&Ms aren't the BEST thing for this situation (considering I would have to literally take up residence at the M&M factory in order for it to even keep pace with the grief), but they sure were yummy.
Another good thing...Monday night sitcoms. For the average person, Mondays are difficult. Coming off of a leisurely Sunday of rest and relaxation and I'm expected to be up to speed right out of the gate? Uh...sorry. I drag myself through Mondays. And with the help of some very funny television on Monday nights (I use them as my motivation to actually make it through Monday at work), and some overly peppy music on my way to work, I usually hit my stride Tuesday morning. Now, if I could just convince my clients to leave me alone, it would be a perfect work day.
The anger is still there. I just find ways to compartmentalize my emotions so that I'm not a complete basketcase each day. Painfully, I'm not sure what to do with the anger. I have accepted the fact that the sadness will be there forever. I can live with that. But the anger... I don't want to be bitter and angry. I don't want to fly off the handle without provocation (seriously...it's like super-PMS).
I KNOW there are good things in my life. I don't intentionally discount them. But this anger seems to step all over them...squashing them down so that they are barely recognizable. I have to figure out a way to lock the anger away in a drawer. Or, if that's not possible (which I suspect it's not), I have to find a way to leash it so that it is under SOME control. This wild and savage anger cannot run amok in my life or it will cause some serious damage.
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2 comments:
Try a kung fu class? Seriously, it does wonders for my dh. I mean, you really get to hit and kick things. Alot. Not like that 'aerobic kickboxing' stuff for women...i can totally see you breaking concrete slabs!
And, yeah, there's nothing wrong with a little self-indulgence every now and then.
I'm looking for some Primal Scream therapy. Somewhere. There HAS to be a place. I'm too damn clumsy for kung fu, aerobics, kickboxing, or movement in general. Just let me scream, I'll be okay eventually.
And Mondays can suck it.
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