You know, last year's Christmas sucked. I gave up all hope of even attempting to have a good time and was pleasantly surprised when I actually enjoyed the day. The lead up to Christmas was painful and I did what little I had to do to not feel guilty for cheating Sam. I didn't do Christmas cards. I didn't attend holiday parties. I was not up for playing Secret Santa for anyone. I yelled and (quite literally) swore while we were putting up the Christmas tree. The only reason I put lights on the outside of the house was because I wanted the extra light to see myself up and down the stairs. And then, of course, we conceived Travis shortly after Christmas and I was ready to tackle this year.Despite the stunning disaster that that conception and the entire year of 2006 turned out to be, I have decided that I will participate fully in Christmas this year. I signed us up for a ride on the Polar Express. I plan put up a tree and smile while I do it. I will decorate the exterior of our newly renovated house (and take picture, of course). I even plan to send out Christmas cards and participate in Secret Santas and other gift exchanges. I will bake yummy holiday goodies. I will attend holiday parties that I am invited to. I will be the personification of the Christmas spirit.
All I'm asking for is a little help. It is taking EVERYTHING I have to plaster a smile on my face without the aid of an alcoholic beverage. It is painful and I really just want to cry. But I am trying.
So when I hang a freaking Christmas decoration up, do not tell me how you, "don't like that sort of thing." Do NOT answer my questions about baking or decorating with an answer that even hints at how much of a chore you think it is. Don't give me a look like you disapprove of my happy attitude (even if we both know it's fake). Don't tell me how tired or sad or stressed you are, because quite frankly, I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT!
Let me find a smile in a goofy decoration or a big ugly Christmas tree. Join me while I enjoy the newly fallen snow. Ask to share my holiday cookies instead of talking about calories. Let me have the illusion that it means something to send out a Christmas card to friends to let them know they are loved. Just play your part, ok?
I am going to find joy in this holiday season if it kills me, damn it.
I don't want to have to kill you to do it.
7 comments:
:)
I didn't really do Christmas last year either. And I may not be jumping in to it this year with as you are, but I did find myself looking up christmas candy/cookie recipes yesterday.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my 4-5 batches of Christmas yummies, but I think I'm just going to make them anyway. Just because it sounds fun.
I'm looking forward to the slightly overfull feeling from sampling all of my creations. And I'm looking forward to any christmas cheer that you care to spread around blog world.
hugs
I think you should carry around lumps of coal for any Scrooge-y characters like this who try to ruin your mood. Or perhaps a notebook marked conspicuously with the words "NAUGHTY" and "NICE", then make a point of writing their name in the first column.
And I think we should both be allowed some alcoholic beverages to deal with this crap, BTW...
De-lurking to say that I think it's wonderful that you are doing this, and can't wait to see the picture of your holiday-decorated, beautiful house and hear about your holiday fun! I'm happy to help you celebrate - I'm gonna make a mess of this and it's not going to come out the way I want it to, but here goes. I have this feeling that Alex and Travis will be honored by a happy holiday for their family. Does that make any sense at all?
we had flurries here this am and watching the kids chasing the flakes as we waited for the school bus actually lifted my mood.
and i'm all over those cookies, btw. yum :)
So jealous of anyone who is able to make cookies that actually turn out edible. I could make you many hocky pucks so let me know if Sam or Steve decide they want to play hockey, I can hook you up. ;)
Good luck with bringing on the Holiday spirit, more power to you. I will try to play my part and be the first to wish you a Very, Merry Christmas! Ho, Ho, Ho!
Go you! I hope you do have a wonderful Christmas. And bah humbug to people who don't appreciate it.
It's a deal. Actually until I read your post I didn't realize what downer I've been so far this season. I'll try harder. :)
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