Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Moments of kindness we would never wish for

On the day we said goodbye to Alex the workmen stood silently by during the service, waiting to bury our boy.

A couple days later we stopped by on our first official visit to our son's grave. The workmen were actually pouring the concrete for headers and footers on that day, including the header for Alex's stone. We didn't want to disturb them...and I think we were a little bit afraid of what we would see in our son's final resting place...so we stayed a good distance away. It was as we turned to leave that we met Dan.

Dan literally came running over to us to check with us and make sure the proper preparations were being made for our baby's grave...the correct header for our son's headstone. He seemed a bit uncomfortable. Then he revealed that he too had lost a baby boy, and we realized that we had found a friendly soul who truly understood our pain. Dan told us how he struggled for many years before he was able to even talk to God again. I instantaneously loved him for sharing that with me.

Dan was there on the day we buried Alex and he was there on the day we buried Travis. He silently stood in the background both times...crying tears of someone who understood what lay ahead on the path of grief for those of us crying onto the springtime earth.

When Dan found out that Travis had died, he again sought us out to tell us that we were in his prayers and that he would do whatever was necessary to "take care of" our boys...and us. He made sure to let us know that he cared.

This week, Dan called to tell us that he had personally set Travis' grave marker with the love only a father who has lost a baby could possibly have. He called to tell us that he set Travis' marker facing Alex's marker...so that we could sit between the two and see them both.

I feel such gratitude.

But I wish we had never met Dan.

I wish he didn't understand what it means to us to be able to see one gravestone, let alone two at one time.


Manuela said...

oh... dear... how touching... and altogether tragic.


AJW5403 said...

I wish you would have never had to meet Dan also. And that Dan did not understand. But I am glad that he is there.

Windfall Woman said...

Amazingly written. I'm sorry I've been away.

One Mother's Journey said...

It's amazing how people come out of the woodwork when you need them.

I'm glad your boys were taking care of by Dan - but you're correct, I wish you hadn't met him.

MB said...

Oh Catherine, I'm so sad that you had a need to meet Dan. But so comforted that he seems like such a kind man.

Sealka said...

Dear one, I hurt for you and with you! I have "only" lost one baby boy - I can't imagine the pain of losing two.

I hope so much for you that this heartache and loss will somehow, someday, be redeemed. And that you will experience full healing.

Sending love and hugs.

kate said...

Yes, amazingly written. I am glad Dan is taking good care of your boys...and so sorry that he has to do it, and that he has reason to understand.

Hedda said...

There are so many of "us" out there. I hate what we all go through to meet.

At least we know what it takes to take care of each other.

deadbabymama said...

Tears up here, poor you, poor Dan, poor all of us! Kindness in the face of such tragedy is precious but unwanted at the same time - the constant thought is that you just don't want the tragedy so the kindness is easily resented.

Lissa Lane said...

you don't know me but I got your blog from a friend's blog.

Dan sounds like an amazing man. But it's so sad at the same time.

I need to go and play catch up and stalk your blog. I hpoe that's ok