Monday, October 30, 2006

Liar, liar, pants on fire

So I thought I could trust you all to call bullshit when you saw it.

Hmmm...I may have to re-evaluate our relationship.

I am not doing well. Not at all.

Now who wants to help me paint?

15 comments:

MB said...

Everyday really is a new day. You feel okay today an dlike shit tomorrow. I learned never to underestimate that fact.

I'm sorry. It sucks to be in this place. I wish I could whisk you somewhere else.

Jill said...

You know what? Sometimes you need a break from constant stress. If it's your job that's the culprit, you take time off. It it's a person, you remove yourself physically. When it is YOURSELF you need a break from (ie most stress factors are conveniently contained under your own skin), then BULLSHIT is where you go for a break.

Hon, I doubt you bullshitted anyone, but we all understand the need to not be wracked with grief every second of everyday and we all do what you do. It's human. At least it is for folks who want to be happy again someday but know there's a lot to do to get there.

And like a vacation, it was nice while you were doing it right? You felt lighter even if just for a moment? And you might need to do it again. And eventually it'll be less bullshit than real. In the meantime take what you can get. You need it to survive ((hugs)).

Heather said...

I couldn't say what I was thinking after reading this post any better than Jill did.

Holley said...

hugs.

Another ditto to what Jill said. I can't say it any better either.

kate said...

yeah...what Jill said too...thinking of you!

three minute palaver said...

yeah, ditto what Jill said so perfectly.

msfitzita said...

I'll come help you paint. I'll bring cookies - oooh, no, I'll bring a big fat chocolate cake. We'll paint, we'll eat, we'll bullshit each other and blissfully pretend that we're 100% okay.

((HUGS)) - we all do it. We just don't all admit it.

Angela said...

Or was that the kind of bullshit where you pull out your very best act but pray they'll see through it anyway?

::Hugs:: either way. Like mb said, it sucks to be in this place.

Sarah said...

I didn't think it was bullshit... just maybe not permanent. I was hoping it would last a little longer.

Laura said...

No, it's not bullshit. Not at all. It's been nine months and I can't count how many times I've thought to myself, "oh my god, I think I'm actually going to be okay" and then the next day feel worse and more hopeless than ever. This might be a really stupid analogy, but it's what I think of, maybe because I bake a lot. This process is almost like rolling out bread dough. You push it into shape, but it always shrinks back a little. Progress is slow. Roll, shrink back, roll, shrink back. Okay, now I'm kind of embarassed for writing that.
Anyway, I would love to help you paint. Painting with girlfriends is the best, especially when there's wine involved.

Shinny said...

I would be there in a heartbeat to help paint, if only we were closer and if I wasn't stressing about my upcoming house purchase with much painting of my own to be doing.

I hope that soon you will get a package in the mail that will help you feel better or at least keep you warm. Let me know if my "prophecy" comes true.

Depressionista said...

Like Jill said...you needed a break and you gave yourself one without realizing it. It might feel like bullshit now, but at the time it was a respite. Like my therapist tells me...try to have compassion for yourself.

I hope this isn't annoyingly pollyanna-ish, but I like to think that those lighter moments when we feel optimistic and hopeful offer us a glimpse of the possibility of healing.

I wish things were easier.

Jaye said...

I don't believe it was bullshit but would like to believe that some days are easier, happier and more hopeful than others.

(((Hugs))) and love to you.

Dana said...

i love you sis. {{{{{hug}}}}

Anonymous said...

I think I"m a little far away, shame coz i LURVE painting! Be kind to yourself, it's the only person you can really rely on!

HUGS