Monday, June 05, 2006

Miscellaneous thoughts

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I have entered the stage of grief where I can concentrate on nothing...so this is the perfect kind of post for these days...
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We watched the season finale of LOST last night. All I can say is...
huh?
My mind reels with the questions.
And I don't love Michael...but I can completely understand what he did and why he did it. I found him sympathetic while others appear to have found him evil. Funny how perspectives change during life.
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I am unable to participate in things I once found great inspiration in. Do I explain to people why? They would otherwise not know what happened to make me not care anymore. Or do I just let them think I'm a fickle asshole?
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This comment last week bothered me for some reason...
This loss is an event unto itself. It's up to you whether, thirty years from now, this loss will be the end of your story. If it is, a lot of people will feel sorry for you.

But then I met a woman who was described by her husband as having, "lost one pregnancy and decided she couldn't take it anymore [so they stopped trying]." They are older and seem content with just them and their dogs. I like her...and I don't feel sorry for her at all. I think I'm going to be ok. That is somewhat of a relief.
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Using a hoe is a great way to work out pent up anger.
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No, the guy who owned the bear that attacked a woman in her home will not be charged with anything. He did not break any laws. Write your congressmen if this bothers you...just stop calling me!
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My body is disgusting and none of my clothes fit right. But I still squeeze into them because I refuse to go up a size and I deliberately sent the maternity clothes out of the house because I can't stand to even look at them, let alone wear them. So yes, I do look like a sausage in my navy blue suit. And yes, that is the sound of my thighs rubbing together in my panty hose. So what? Wanna make something of it?
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No word on the co-worker's cat and how she dealt the news to her daughter. I'm on the edge of my seat, aren't you?
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Was anyone else perturbed by this comment by Leann Rimes?
LeAnn said that she and husband Dean Sheremet would love to have children and they are "just trying to find the time to schedule one in. Maybe next year after the house is finished."

So that's what we did wrong! We should have done the house first! Too bad we're only now getting to the house. But, our house WILL be done, come hell or high water. A renovation project so that I will have something to look forward to this summer...something to distract me (but whose paying attention to the reasons anyway?). I'm sure it will become the subject of many pitiful blog posts bemoaning the experience of living in a home under construction...stay tuned...it should be exciting to watch me melt down completely before it's all over.
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There is a special place in hell for spammers.
Today's favorite selection..."Your 7-month-old, 1st week."
Bite me!
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Blogger is terrible, but setting up a whole new space elsewhere just makes me even more tired.
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I spent some time cruising mommy blogs today...including some Christian moms who have suffered a loss (or losses). First, I know why I don't like reading them...I wish I was them. Second, I still don't get comfort from the idea of God. Guess I've still got some work to do on that front.
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What do you do for Father's Day during the year when you're mourning two stillborn babies? Somehow, I don't think a coffee mug is right for the occasion.
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I think I will need to stop by the store on the way home for a new bottle of wine. Oh, chauffer Steve, do you think that is possible? Of course, I've forgotten my shopping list at home. hmmm...maybe we should go home first, I'll grab the list and go...be back before you're done with the doggy madness that awaits. :o)
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Oh yes...not that anyone is interested in the inner workings of my reproductive system (least of all me), but yesterday was CD1. So despite my apparent inability to carry a pregnancy to term, my body is telling me to get over it already. oy!
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2 comments:

lauralu said...

oy, indeed. for someone supposedly not able to concentrate, you sure seem to have nailed an impressive list of subjects most succintly.

kate said...

Yes.....stay away from those mommy blogs...and i noticed your loss blog list is suddenly twice as long :( ...i wanted to go look at them but i have not had the energy...