I was eating so many green beans because it was the one green vegetable that didn't give me gas (or worse). I had to balance my diet, but greens just didn't agree with me. So I ate green beans.
I was seriously sick of green beans after just three weeks.
I would kill to have that reason for eating all those green beans back.
-----------------------------------
Got the statement from the insurance company for "Laboratory" and "Pathologist." $454 for the autopsy on a 20 week pregnancy. This beats the one for the delivery...$29,000+.
Why do they send me these things?
-----------------------------------
I walked out. We had birthday cake in the office for a coworker's birthday. I did not stay and make idle chatter. I got my cake and got the hell out before the conversation turned the inevitable direction toward pregnancy, babies, and happy little lives. I feel like I accomplished something today for myself. Now, I just need to work on the rest of the world.
-----------------------------------
This is from my dear friend Julie. Yes, it's a rock. But it's a rock with my son's initials on it. It means more to me than I can possibly explain. Of course, she is holding it hostage until I agree to a weekend of shopping and eating and drinking. Sigh...such a chore to have great friends.
-----------------------------------
And since it seems Blogger is giving me fits about posting pictures, I will have to go open another folder in my Flickr account to show you the bracelet I made and sent to the mommy of a stillborn little girl. She is the relative of a friend and I HATE that she has to go down this road. She should have her baby...not a pink little bauble in remembrance. But it's the best I can do. I hope she finds some peaceful moments and that the grief is not too heavy for her to carry.
-----------------------------------
The Compassionate Friends are having a national conference July 14-16 in Dearborn, MI. Steve and I are thinking of attending because there are several workshops that speak directly to pregnancy/infant loss, or rather, what comes AFTER pregnancy/infant loss. I would encourage anyone to seek out support wherever they can find it. Even if you think you don't need it. It can't hurt anymore than losing a baby (or two), so we've got nothing to lose by participating.
-----------------------------------
From my very pregnant friend...
I hope this whole paragraph comes across in the spirit in which it is intended, that is, that I don't want to be the source of any additional pain or heartache. I hope that makes sense. I also don't want you to think that I am putting up any kind of a wall between us, I just want to open the door a little crack first and peer in before swinging it wide open and barging in! I will keep you posted if anything drastic happens or changes, and I will share any info you want - but I do not want to be a pain in the butt (or heart) either.
I know how crazy I feel...but I must be a real challenge to deal with. I like the door analogy. Maybe we should hang a sign on the door that says, "Beware...crazy bereaved parent inside." I think Julia suggested t-shirts...so we could identify each other as mommies of dead babies...but it would be equally helpful to warn the unsuspecting public as well.
-----------------------------------
I have updated my blogroll (thanks for noticing Kate). It seems grief and sadness motivate me to research and read.
-----------------------------------
Yes, Laura, I am able to briefly summarize individual bullet points...that's the lawyer in me. Now if I could only remember where I left my shoes...
That's the fun of it, isn't it? The simplest tasks become huge chores. And the huge chores just sit undone. Oh, I'm having so much fun. I want to scream. I want to throw things. I spent Sunday in the garden with the hoe in an effort to work some of it off. And it did, briefly. Now, I have an incredible urge to throw this computer mouse at the wall and watch it break into a million pieces. But since my office is too cheap to offer me a mouse with a scroll wheel and I'm using my own, I will resist that particular urge. But as soon as I find some obsolete government-owned piece of property that is easily destructable...watch out.
-----------------------------------
Have I mentioned that cheeseburgers are too emotionally difficult to eat? Yeah...that's how screwed up I am now.
-----------------------------------
I touched Travis' toes, his face, his hands, his body. I only touched Alex's feet and hands wrapped up in a blanket. Why did I do that? I know why. Because his face was so soft...baby soft...but his skull was mushy...and it freaked me out. I was so afraid he was going to fall apart if I unwrapped him too much. So I peeked, but I didn't do what a mommy should do. And I didn't dress either of them myself. Even knowing what I know, I couldn't dress Travis myself. I regret so much.
-----------------------------------
I think I'm headed for a day off this week. I just can't deal with "normal" life the way I need to.
-----------------------------------
Why didn't I let Steve pack my lunch this morning? Better yet...why didn't I just throw out the damn green beans?
-----------------------------------
2 comments:
Filet o' fish sandwiches are my emotionally difficult food. They were my favorite things when I was pregnant, but I haven't touched one since. That's probably a good thing, actually. I'm glad that you mentioned that--I was feeling kind of nutty about not being able to eat a sandwich.
WTF is "normal" anymore?
For me it isn't food, but places. It was such a relief to move and not have to go by the funeral home on the way to work.
Post a Comment