Saturday, May 20, 2006

It's the little things that hurt the most

~I get to drink caffeinated coffee.
~The bottle nipple wash rack fell out of the cupboard at me while I was putting other things away.
~eBay notified me that the auctions on my watched maternity and baby items have ended.
~I'm using his yarn for charity.
~I can fit into my regular underwear.
~I just planted tomato plants without first donning gardening gloves.
~I took the last pill to dry up my milk.
~The laundry still has dirty maternity shirts to wash.
~Tomatoes don't taste as good this week...and I don't think cheeseburgers will ever taste as good.
~There are two, as yet, unused Playtex nursers in the cupboard where I store my crockpot (purchased for Alex). So my crockpot remains on my kitchen counter because I just can't face them.
~I can't yet lift and carry heavy things.
~No matter how hard I try, I can't hide the blood glucose monitor well enough in the bathroom cupboard.
~Baby clothes lurk in the basement AND in "the baby's room" upstairs.

I'm thinking of tackling them all in one day...purging the house if you will. Last time, I foolishly held onto the dream. This time, there is no dream to hold onto...not anymore.


kate said...

(((((((hugs)))))))) Yes, the little things are just so painful...

I am glad they gave you the pills to dry up your milk, though.

:) n said...

it's been 4.5 years since my mother suddenly died. we still haven't cleaned out her belongings. i don't know that we ever will until my dad leaves the house that has always been their home.

there's no schedule, no right time and i don't think any real need to go through the belongings of those we love. they existed and our love for them and the relationship we shared with them still exists.

Emma's Mum said...

I totally agree about the little things....I spent so much time worried about what I was eating and drinking, it seems unfair to suddenly be allowed to go back to those things that were off limits. Deli turkey? Don't think I will ever be able to eat it again -- I feel like I am still going to harm my baby, which is so stupid, b/c this would have been the least of her problems probably.
The milk coming in was one of the worst things, I think. But at the same time I did not mind b/c it was a sign that I was a mother. Something to hold onto.....
I admire you, Catherine. You are so strong.

msfitzita said...

I agree - the little things are the things that often cause the most pain. And when little things add up to a list like this, they become very big indeed.