Sunday, April 23, 2006

Happily ever after?

Why do we strive all our lives for love when, in the end, it will leave us anyway? What is it about that boy who is so cute that we must date him? That man that we must marry? That friend that we must get to know? That baby that we must have? Why pursue something that will eventually leave us and rip a huge hole in our lives and our hearts?

My Aunt Pat is saying goodbye to her husband of I-don't-know-how-many-years this week/end. He has terminal cancer and has been given "days" to live by the doctors. He is in the hospital and will never go home. This is how their life together will end. Their two kids will lose his guidance and their five grandkids will simply not get to know him beyond this week. He will become a sweet memory for all of them.

At Ted's funeral this weekend, I watched his wife cry for him and try to steel herself for the next few steps without him. I could sense that she was trying to find that mysterious hidden reserve of strength to allow her to keep putting one foot in front of the other...when all she wants to do is sit in a dark room and cry. She said, quite proudly, that she was so happy to have had not one, but two, amazing husbands in her life.

I spent weeks carrying a baby that I would never get to know. And even if I had that opportunity, there is no guarantee that my time with him wouldn't have been otherwise limited. He could easily have left me at some other point in life.

We all work so hard to find love. And eventually that love will leave us. The inevitability of it all is a curious thing. We all have the same ending. There are no happy endings.

What a strange thing life is.


Tendersoul said...

Saying good-bye is so painful. When my grandmother passed away a year and a half ago, I wondered how, after 57 years, my grandfather could go on without her. I was having a hard enough time as her grandaughter.

Life is strange. That old saying, "It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." I wonder if it's true.

Diana said...

"there are no happy endings."
How very true. All we have are happy moments, and sometimes even those are short lived.

kate said...

Blast, i even LOOKED UP some quotes for you, and blogger ate my comment. *sigh*

sillyhummingbird said...

Wow, Catherine, I was so touched by your post. You are right--there really are no "happy" endings. I have often felt that about losing my son. It isn't less painful or more painful b/c we lost him when we did. Loss is loss and it just plain sucks. When my dad died, my mom was only 36 and I think how unfair his death was. We kids never got to know him and she never got to grow old with him. It is hard to always remember to relish the moment, but it's true--you never know when it will be gone.

As usual, thanks for a beautiful post that is always so thought provoking.

Lola said...

Oh...please stop making me cry.

FUnnily enough you have put into writing exactly what I was musing about this past weekend. Maybe it's something in the air....