Monday, March 06, 2006

There's a blog post in here somewhere

Saturday afternoon, Sam, Steve, and I ventured out to run some errands. Truth be told, we were fulfilling our weekly promised bribe to Sam...a trip to Toys R Us for a new toy as a reward for sleeping in his own bed for an entire week. While I have enjoyed the week of sleep without an elbow in my ear or a foot in my kidney, I have to admit that I miss the little guy. And last night, I missed him all the more now that he has decided the next step to bedtime independence is to sleep with his bed actually pushed up against the wall and not up against my side of the king size bed. He's three feet away, but he seems so much farther away than that...

But I digress...and I have to stop or I will make myself cry.

So we headed to TRU and made our purchase. After a couple more stops, we headed to Super Kmart to indulge in some items required for a comfortable pregnancy experience...bigger underwear, fruit scented body wash, and an electric toothbrush.

Sadly, my gut has grown at an alarmingly fast pace. I presume, because I have not gained weight, that it is all of my normal natural fat stores being pushed upward and outward to make room (at least that's what I hope it is). I had become, effectively, sausaged in my normal underwear. And in an effort to shake off all bad karma, I decided that NEW underwear was necessary rather than using those left from my last less-than-successful pregnancy. But the idea of finding maternity underwear in my size...well...let's just say it can be incredibly depressing.

The boys were troopers...nary a complaint between them as I stood staring at the wall of underwear, alarmed that nothing seemed right in my size (unless I wanted to go for the cotton granny underwear that doubles as a parachute...for two). As I was ready to wander off, incredibly disappointed, I saw a package of three that I thought would work...and another directly behind them. SIX pair of underwear! Surely this was too good to be true. Turns out, the joke's on me. It was too good to be true. The underwear nearly fits me NOW. There's a little room for growth...but not enough to last me the spring and summer. Heaven help me, I'm going to have to shop for BIGGER underwear. Anyone have Omar the Tent Maker's number handy?

So after the underwear adventure, we headed over to health and beauty where I was unable to find a scent of body wash that didn't make me gag. And I tried them all. There I was in Super K, smelling body wash and gagging. Pleasant picture, huh? But the thing is, I'm getting desperate. I must shower...and I just don't think a warm water rinse without soap is going to cut it.

Empty-handed from the body wash search, I headed over to the electric toothbrushes. My preference, a sonic toothbrush, was priced way too far out of my price range. $70...for a toothbrush?!?! I had one several years ago...but I dropped it on the tile floor and it konked out on me. I could just kick myself now for being so clumsy. Anyway...I found some cheap spin brushes (I think they're disposable...but I'm not quite sure...maybe you can buy replacement heads...I didn't pay that much attention). I foolishly jumped at the "try me" option on the front of the Oral B spinbrush. Let's see how this puppy works...cool...now how do you shut it off...it won't shut off...oh my heck...here you turn it off. As my husband was struggling to figure out how to turn off the spin brush he chuckled and said, "There's a blog post in here somewhere."

So there ya go...a blog post from the fat smelly girl who can't operate a toothbrush.

7 comments:

Sherri said...

Thank you for a much-appreciated Monday morning crack-up! I wish you the best of luck in finding a fragrance that does not offend your sensitive nostrils...to complement your sparkly teeth and brand new "gotchies"!! (my grandmother's word for underwear) :-)

kate said...

thanks for the good laugh!

Oh, with respect to pg undies -- i was having a similar problem when i was pg with Nicolas in France -- all the undies were very expensive and lacy, and i could not find anything cheap to fit my butt into. Dh suggested that i just buy some cotton thongs, because then my butt could grow as big as a house and they would still fit. I know he suggested this for his own purposes but you have to admit it is logical....

Kathi said...

Oh honey...what a day! And what a big boy Sam is. Anyway he can call my Sam and tell him that staying asleep all night is fun?

I have the same underware problem, actually I'm having a whole pants problem, but that's a whole other story. Try Lane Bryant, they have Caicque or something brand underware, comfy, stretchy and in sizes for the large and lovely lady:)

lauralu said...

yes, yes, the cacique undies at lane bryant are the way to go. if you catch them on sale (every other week, it seems), it's buy three get two. i wore them through my whole first pregnancy, and when they finally got too tight, i wore them under my belly.

i've also done the bigger-bikini-under-the-belly thing, which works fine, but i love my caciques from lane bryant so much that i prefer them.

so glad to air my undies in public, but i do it for you, because i want you to be underwearily happy.

Tendersoul said...

Do you have a Motherhood Maternity store at your local mall? I found perfect undies that grew with me. They were a little pricy, but oh-so-worth it!

I looked them online. Try here:

http://www.motherhood.com/CollectionPlus.asp?category_Name=Intimate+Apparel&Category_Id=1034&MasterCategory_Id=7&Pageison=1


Happy brushing!

Penultimatina said...

Kate, did you try sniffing the St. Ives vanilla body wash? It's the only one that doesn't make me gag. It does, however, give me a wicked hankerin' for cake. :)

deadbabymama said...

Is there ever a good time to buy underwear, pregnant or not? Who are these phantom women that most underwear is made for? Even us smaller people (short and squat!) can't find decent underwear.