Sunday, January 15, 2006

Misery loves company

I live in a small town. I work in an even smaller town. The kinds of places where the teller knows your name at the bank. The kinds of places where people were born and raised. Nobody moves into these towns. People spend their lives trying to find a way out of towns like these. Except us.

We moved into this town almost five years ago now. I've been working in the other town for two and a half years. This place feels like home, but the tellers still don't know my name at the bank. We still don't have friends that we can invite over to dinner or to play cards. We don't know anyone who can help us move heavy tree limbs when we need to. We don't know anyone who will plow our driveway out of kindness.

I know a lot of our not "connecting" has to do with our circumstances...I lost my job, I had a baby, I got a new job, I had a dead baby. Not a lot going on there that really entices people to be your friend. Nobody wants to hang with the depressing chick and her family. But you know what's sort of funny? I've started to collect friends who are just as, if not more, depressing than me. The gal that works in my office who suddenly wants to spend some time together now that she's left her husband. The guy who works in my office who suddenly wants to chat because his friend no longer works in our office and whose wife lost her job.

Does the whole world have to be miserable in order to want to spend time with me?

8 comments:

Sarah said...

Maybe its easier to be ok iwht your pain when you're around other people who are in pain. I met a woman on friday who had 3 miscarriages, a stillbirth, the full round of infertility treatments, IFV, bedrest at 19 weeks until her delivery at 33 weeks 3 days of her daughter (whose due date was 5 days ago). In my half awake fantasy world this morning i was thinking how i just wanted to go and hang out with her and how being around her made me feel peaceful.

Holley said...

No.

kate said...

The problem with small towns like that is that everyone already has a full circle of friends, because they grew up with them. Under these circumstances it is very hard for the new people to 'break in'. I think that is what is going on for you. And then, when people *are* miserable, and they find someone who will listen -- that is a good way to bond with someone. So, good luck with your new friends and your new bonds. Here's hoping you can all make each other less miserable!

rach said...

I'm not miserable and I spend time with you...

:)
Rach

Heather said...

I am not miserable either and I would spend tons of time with you if I could.

Sherry said...

You are in the land of misfit friends - and I say that with a smile! I lived in a small town for a couple of years in Wyoming. Like your town - people didn't normally move there, or in this town, if they did they were very religious so they met people that way. There I was, an unmarried, un-religious, pregnant young lady! *GASP* People were AFRAID to talk to me - I mean, I was actually told by one lady that I would be (and my unborn baby) damned to hell for not being married. (BTW, she was the receptionist AT A CHURCH that I called!!) I won't go into that, but it wasn't pretty.

Any how, I know how you feel, knowing there MUST be some other people out in that town like you and Steve who might like to play cards now and then, or help each other with some house work. But finding them is another story.

Maybe search out a crafting group of some type in your area? Or create one?

Sherry said...

I forgot to add, I would spend time with you! And I don't think I am miserable :) We are in a town surrounded by friends, and family and yet we don't seem to do 'fun' times together nearly enough. Just the obligation stuff - birthday parties, etc. We really need to make the time for more of the fun stuff.

Windfall Woman said...

I'm not miserable, and I love reading your blog. Hence, I like spending time with you. I've felt before like a was in the land of "misfit toys."