Sam went off to daycare this morning and now the car won't start and the truck is frozen shut. I am, in effect, snowed in. And I thought the universe was out to get me. Funny story though...when the office manager asked me if I was going to take it as vacation or comp it and work tomorrow, I sighed and said, "I really don't care." That's probably not going to win me any professionalism points...but I'm too tired to care.
So now that I've had a good cry about the utter lack of control I have over my own life (yes, these thing snowball into great big hysterical fits all the time), I think I'll spend the day watching soap operas (Steve was able to fix the tv in less than five minutes...show-off), crafting, and maybe eating and drinking too much (don't worry...I plan to indulge in Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi).
Of course, I COULD be spending today with my son (who wanted to stay home...but with DADDY), but I sent him off with a very mature, "Great...fine...bye...have a good day." I think there was a door slam in there too somewhere.
I have seen the future...and it ain't pretty. I am a bitter, angry old woman who is pleased with nothing. I feel sorry for myself over the littlest things. It's not the little things really that bother me...it's the one big thing that I never got past...that thing that could never be made right. All my energy has been sapped and I do nothing but entertain thoughts of how much people don't love me and how alone I feel, even in a crowded room.
I swear, I used to be a happy person. I found joy and light in the simple things. My little job was good enough to feed us and keep me occupied and challenged. I could play with my son for hours and entertain him so easily. My husband and I could laugh and talk for hours. And I only really cried at sappy television commercials like the Folgers coffee Christmas commercial or chick-flick movies like Steel Magnolias. I was happy.
Did I mention I have PMS? Yes, the universe has decided to give me a grand big ole f*** you again today. My eye is twitchy and I'm hungry.