My coffee cup and my tenuous maintenance of sanity

For my birthday in February my husband sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers. It was one of those birthday arrangements the florist makes over the phone...adding their own special touches. Mine came in a coffee mug. The inside of my coffee mug is pink and the outside is white with big pink roses painted on it. It's the kind of mug you'd find at the Dollar Store...nothing special...Made in China...matches nothing in your kitchen. It came with the flowers and a card that read, "Happy Birthday, Love, Steve, Sam and Alex." I kept the card and carry it around in my purse.

Today I came into work a bit late and headed to the kitchenette, as is my usual routine, for my morning cup of coffee. You can see where this is headed, I'm sure. My coffee cup is nowhere to be found. I searched the cupboard...I went back to my office and searched...I even looked in the trash and the bathroom (just in case something weird had happened...and my freak out doesn't count). I realized then that someone else was using MY coffee mug. My coffee mug from my boys. The ONLY gift I've ever received from all three of them...the ONLY gift I will EVER receive from all of them. I flipped out.

And I know what you're thinking (I've thought it too)...if the mug is so important to you, then why the heck do you keep it at work? Why not take it home and put is somewhere safe? I use it every morning. It's my connection to what used to be. It's my piece of normalcy that hasn't changed since February. It's decaf coffee and herbal tea...it's what used to be. WHY DIDN'T I JUST TAKE IT HOME?

So...trying to maintain my calm, I barracaded myself in my office until I could stop hyperventilating and appear reasonable once again. What can I do? I can't ask the woman to pour her coffee into another mug...that would just be weird. So I gathered my wits and have taken a few deep breaths and am now sitting here wondering what the hell is wrong with me. My HUSBAND sent me that mug. My two boys didn't know a damn thing about it. In fact, my one boy wasn't EVEN BORN. I really need to get a grip on reality here.

The reality is that the woman who is using my mug is the new mommy coworker. Doesn't she have enough of her own? She's got a beautiful baby boy at home. She has to use my mug too? And I'm sure she's using it without even thinking, "Hey, this isn't my mug." Just like I'm sure she goes home to her baby every single afternoon and fails to think, "I'm a lucky woman." Or maybe she does think that. Maybe she thinks, "I'm so lucky I'm not her."

The reality is that I'm jealous. And I certainly don't think it's fair that her life is so f@#$% perfect AND she gets to use MY mug...without asking.

Everything is NOT under control. And I want my damn mug back!