Thursday, November 03, 2005

Bitterness softens

I have become a bitter and unfeeling person. I don't want to hear about the trials and tribulations of your having to cart your living kids to soccer practice, etc, etc, etc. I don't want to hear how your baby keeps you from having breakfast before you come into work. I don't want to hear how your husband doesn't love you. I don't want to hear how you live in the midst of a few million people but you feel so lonely. I don't want to hear how your life, completely within your control, is like a roller coaster ride. I don't want to hear how you put your trust in God to provide for you in your time of "need." Your time of need is NOTHING. Your time of need is a mere inconvenience. Your time of need is your opportunity to get off your ass and do something to make your own life better. God doesn't hear you with that insignificant crap. And I don't want to hear you either.

I want the world to listen to me. I want the world to understand what it is really like to feel a crisis of faith. I want the world to understand what it feels like to truly be living a roller coaster life. I want the world to know how it feels to have no input whatsoever. I want you to get some perspective. I want you to read a newspaper or even watch five seconds of the news and see that your little drama is GOOD compared to how some people have it. I want to shake you out of your safety zone and make you realize you are living a dream life...some people would give their right arm to have what you have.

It's not that I don't understand the normal weariness of life anymore. I do. I still feel it myself. But it's all small potatoes compared to the life and death game going on all around you. It's all a BLESSING compared to what some people have to suffer in order to have even a moment of peace during their day. Life is hard? You bet your ass it is. But it isn't a unique experience. People live their lives every day with HALF the bitching and moaning you offer. People deal with REAL tragedies in their lives that would shred your little universe in a split second. Then you would know what real pain is.
This rant is not directed at any individual in particular. The "you" referred to here is mainly a culmination of the feelings I had while blog-hopping this morning. The advice given here can as much be directed at myself as it can at anyone else in the blogosphere. While writing it, I realized I am as guilty as those that I complain of. While what happened to us sucks big hairy monkey balls, it's not the worst thing that could happen to a person. And I need to get a grip.

Life goes on...and all that sunshiney crap. I need to check my anger at the door. The universe may have screwed up, but the people around me aren't responsible for that. I need to channel my anger a bit more constructively, instead of participating in the Woe is Me Sweepstakes. Empathy...compassion...goes two ways. I have to remember that I can understand the worst AND the best that life has to offer. And the old saying that you attract more flies with honey than vinegar still holds true. So my pain might be worse than yours...that doesn't negate yours at just qualifies it. And I know I can find a gentle way to remind you that you've got it good. I don't have to beat you over the head with it. Most people recognize it already...I don't always have to point it as though they don't. I don't get any points...I don't win a prize...if I have the worst story out there.


Kathy McC said...

You know's hard to step back sometimes and look at the big picture. You are right, though. What we go through is small potatoes compared to some folks on this earth. My dad always used to say, "Everyone's plate is doesn't matter what's on it". And I would have to agree. What seems like small beans to one person is the end of the world to another. We do the best we can. That's about all you can do.

Snake said...

I have from time to time written about the minor indignities & small setbacks I face in life, focusing on things that pale in comparison to the kind of grief you've been experiencing. There have been times in my life when the issues at hand, and the stakes, were much higher. I guess I'm lucky to be in a period when all I have to gripe about is the small stuff.