Tuesday, October 04, 2005

I don't have control, I don't have control, I don't have control...

When I feel myself flying off the handle about stupid stuff, I just keep repeating this mantra and it somehow makes me calmer. Most everything I am uptight about, and get upset about, has something to do with my lack of control over it. I have a tough time accepting that people are individuals and I can't expect everyone to do as I please (though a girl can dream of that kind of utopia, can't she?).

I was upset with my mother because she asked me to hem a dress in a manner that I think makes it less attractive. But it's not MY call.

I was upset with my husband for not putting a cap on the pipe in the basement because he said he would do it. I can't control the water...and I think we all know I can't control my husband. :o)

I have too much work and not enough attention span. I suppose I could get creative and find SOME control over this...but that sounds like too much effort for too little pay.

I'm finally realizing that there is very little I actually do control. And I'm finding that, despite my previous assertions of being rather laid back, I have been very much a control freak for the majority of my life. I wonder what I have missed along the way while I've been obsessing about control?

Even more disturbing, I find myself slipping back into old habits, fretting about stuff over which I have no control (or very little control). What's to be gained by worrying when I am powerless to do anything about it BUT worry? Nothing. So why do I do it?

There seems so much more happiness when I accept life and live it, instead of worrying how things are or are not going according to my plans.

I don't have control, I don't have control, I don't have control...

5 comments:

cat said...

This is so true! This post was like reading my own life. Control is a myth. None of us really have it. Thanks for reminding me yet again that releasing it is the true path to happiness.

Lisa P. said...

You hit the nail on the head with this one. I wish I were better at this, but then again I wish I were better at a lot of things you seem to be doing better than I am. (That's a short way of saying I admire you and your strength and often don't know how to say it on some of your posts because I feel bad about my own abilities...)

Heather said...

I am a control freak and a worry wart as well. I know this about myself, but never change it. This post is sooooo true.

Kathy McC said...

This sounds eerily farmiliar...

gabesmama said...

Here is my theory. For months after Gabe died, I felt like I couldn't control anything so why bother. Now I'm back to trying to control everything and am totally impatient with everyone, but then I think this means that I'm healing--I'm getting back to me.