Thursday, September 22, 2005

Second Child Syndrome x 10

I should have paid more attention. With my first baby I had journals and baby books to record everything...My favorite foods, my aches and pains, the things that would make the baby move. With Alex, I didn't do any of that.

I'm told it's quite common for the second child to have fewer momentos and fewer photos. I'm told it's normal. I'm told that women regret not having that stuff later on in life and they do their best to fill in the blanks in the baby book before their second child turns 30. But there is no baby book. There is no pregnancy journal. And it seems a waste to try to do it now, when it is all marred by the knowledge that there is no later-in-life opportunities to fill in the blanks...when some of the memories are already smoothed around the edges by the grief that chased them down and swallowed them up.

Why did I take it for granted? Why did I take Alex for granted? Because he was the second child, I thought all that stuff was less important than the time I spent with him "in the moment." I figured I would have time to play catch up later. Little did I know those oh-so-important moments would pass and I would be left with nothing but a fading memory.

5 comments:

Jill said...

(((((hugs)))))

cat said...

I'm thinking of you and so sad you have to have this sorrow. *hug*

kate said...

me too, me too -- with my first i was paranoid and with Nicolas i took it all for granted, that i would produce a healthy baby and he would be coming home and i would have plenty of time with him...and now i have nothing. I am sorry...for me, for you, for us all :(

Anam Cara said...

Oh Catherine, I was the same. I soooo took my second pregnancy and second baby for granted. I don't even have one picture of me pregnant with Thomas, even though I took one every week from about week 12 with my 1st! No pregnancy journal, nothing second time. I was no where near as paranoid the second time either. Why did we let ourselves become so complacent and convinced nothing could go wrong? I don't know, but you are not alone. (((hugs)))

Bronwyn said...

Try to think of it this way: you carry all of your important memories with you, readily available whenever you need them. I lost my first baby, and I didn't do any of the journaling or baby books with her. I was just so amazed that it was "working" that I think I was sort of holding my breath until she was born. I had only just started to pick up little bits and pieces for her the week or two before she came, so I have very few physical reminders of her. Anyway, all we ever really have is our memories, anyway. Alex will never be far from your heart, even if you can't remember every twist and kick. (((Big hug)))