Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Things I want to scream about

God needed another angel.
God doesn't "need" anything. And even if he did, he wouldn't be so selfish as to steal my baby to satisfy himself.

It's all part of God's plan or the alternatively wonderful I guess it wasn't meant to be.
What plan would that be? There is no justification that could possibly explain taking an innocent life and creating suffering and pain in it's absence. God wouldn't be so deliberately cruel as to play with our lives for the development of some master plan that we don't get to know about until we're dead. My God loves me and wouldn't wish harm on me or my family for ANY reason.

He's in a better place now.
But I want him here with me!

God doesn't give us more than we can handle.
God doesn't "give" us anything. He set up the rules a long time ago and now he plays by them. So yes, there ARE some things that are more than we can handle.

Prayer can do wonderful things.
I'm sorry, but prayer doesn't do squat. Accept the fact that life is random and you're at the mercy of that randomness. My baby didn't die because I didn't pray enough. My uncle didn't get cancer because he didn't pray enough. That's absurd and an insult to God if you believe it. He doesn't punish those who lose their way...nor does he reward those who are especially focused.

You can always have another.
Do you KNOW that? Do you know that the bacteria I cart around in my uterus isn't going to kill the next baby? And even if you do know that, how f*cking insensitive to suggest that I can just replace one child with another.

I understand.
No, you don't. I know you mean well, but you can't possibly understand unless you've been here. You may well be able to imagine what this feels like...but you don't understand.

I don't know how you do it.
What's my alternative? I guess I could kill myself. How would you suggest I do so? Good grief...what an assinine thing to say.

It's such a blessing that you have a living child.
Yes, yes it is. But it does not eliminate the huge gaping hole in my life where my dead son is supposed to be.

I'm past the first trimester so I don't have to worry anymore.
Really? If only I could go back to that naivete.


Heather said...

Kate, I know this doesn't compare, but I heard many of those things when I miscarried. They are all bullsh!t and even though I knew the intentions were good, it didn't make me want to punch whoever said them any less. All the God talk did nothing but test my faith even more than it already was being tested. The only thing that is going to make you feel better is time,and that is not guaranteed. What happened to your family sucks and it is completely unfair and unexplainable. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel just a bit better, but just know that many people love you and want to help.

And, no--I am not stalking you by means of your blog. LOL It is just a slow day, so I am bouncing from one to another. :)

Julie said...

I agree with you.
"He's in a better place"... if you think slowly rotting away in a tiny box underground is better than my loving arms and warm home, then fuck you.
I'm tired of hearing all the mindless platitudes, too. I know these people don't know what else to say, and their silence would only piss me off as well... so just leave it at I'm Sorry, and let me cry. Nothing is ever going to make it better, so I guess I need to get used to being alone. (I have already alientated many folks. Who needs 'em anyway).

Lisa P. said...

God doesn't give us more than we can handle -- well, personally, I wish he didn't trust me so much.

I had a friend send me a card after loss #1 with a poem entitled "Blessings in Disguise." I couldn't speak to her for a long time after that one.

vixanne wigg said...

Crap crap and more crap. I hate these statements and even more I hate the people who say them.

Jill said...

Thankfully no one has ever thrown God at me and very few of the other things either for that matter.

I know people just want to help but honestly, why does THAT stuff seem like sensible things to say?

lauralu said...

btw, time does NOT make it better. the pain changes, but time does not heal any wound. if it does heal a wound, then that's a pretty superficial wound. fuck time.