Today we were outside filling up Sam's swimming pool, having a great time. Seriously...we were laughing and playing and splashing each other with very cold water. The storm that had been threatening seemed to disappear and we had sunshine and a nice breeze.
With all that water splashing, I had to excuse myself to the house to go to the bathroom.
On my way, I walked past Alex's memory box on top of the entertainment center in the living room and was struck by how much he ISN'T here. I know it sounds like a simple concept, but there it was, right in my face today.
Things would be so much different if Alex were here. He and I probably wouldn't be out sitting in the sun. It's so warm, we'd probably have stayed inside and let Steve and Sam have the pool experience together by themselves. We would have watched them out the window and maybe made short visits outside, but no time of any real great length would be spent laughing and playing and splashing.
How do I enjoy that? How do I sit and laugh by the pool knowing that the only reason I get to have this fun time is because my baby died?
I just do.
I just did.
God help me.